What’s wrong with this girl?

[Grey40]

It seems like you're really focused on looks and value it so much that you're willing to put up with a ****ty personality.

 

Not only can they sense this, they might suspect you're not really interested in getting to know them, but their body.

 

I do value looks a lot, i won’t lie there. But no I wouldn’t put up with a ****ty personality. I’m just trying to figure out where to improve so I can attract and be successful with the kind of women I want. I’m not looking for a freaking supermodel or anything but I am looking for women better than the women I’m currently seeing. And I’ve been successful at initially attracting them but not at keeping them into me.

 

 

There’s nothing I say or do that would make them think that though. I don’t text them anything overtly sexual or anything. Could it be that once they know they have me they lose interest? Maybe I’m appearing as an interesting challenge, but then once they meet me they realize there’s no chase? It’s strange. I guess that adage is true “it’s the people you want the most that care about you the least”.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Grey40

[olivetree]

There’s nothing I say or do that would make them think that though. I don’t text them anything overtly sexual or anything. Could it be that once they know they have me they lose interest? Maybe I’m appearing as an interesting challenge, but then once they meet me they realize there’s no chase? It’s strange. I guess that adage is true “it’s the people you want the most that care about you the least”.

 

Well this is happening before you meet up sometimes, right?

 

I think they sense you're really eager to meet up or see them again because they are beautiful.

I'm guessing you're asking them out for a first meet or even a second date whether or not you two seem to click personality-wise.

No click = very little motivation to meet / go out again.

Add in chasing after their bad behaviour and even less motivation.

 

They may say yes but what these flaky types really mean is that they will just agree now and then decide later or because it's awkward to say no.

[Grey40]

Well this is happening before you meet up sometimes, right?

 

I think they sense you're really eager to meet up or see them again because they are beautiful.

I'm guessing you're asking them out for a first meet or even a second date whether or not you two seem to click personality-wise.

No click = very little motivation to meet / go out again.

Add in chasing after their bad behaviour and even less motivation.

 

They may say yes but what these flaky types really mean is that they will just agree now and then decide later or because it's awkward to say no.

 

Yeah i think that’s a good analysis, and probably likely what they are thinking. But when I do meet up with them on a date I do judge their personality as well. The difference is that I DO think we click and get along, and they usually don’t feel the same way. I’ve had dates that I thought went really well to have them say they weren’t feeling it. But the common thread is that it’s only happening with the super attractive ones. Maybe I’m acting nervous and don’t even realize it. Who knows. The ones who don’t ever meet up is more rare, and that I’ll never understand..I chalk it up to the fact that they’re currently seeing someone else and it’s moving in a more serious direction and they don’t want to screw that up or invest time in anyone else, but don’t want to lose me as an option in case the current dude screws them over.

[basil67]

I guess that beautiful women know they have so many more options than women who aren't beautiful. They can afford to be VERY choosy.

[Highndry]

I guess that beautiful women know they have so many more options than women who aren't beautiful. They can afford to be VERY choosy.

 

They do and they can. Assuming this gal's beautiful, he's going about it all wrong and he's got not chance. The appropriate way to treat her would have been a complete brush-off if/when she got back in contact with him. This doesn't mean him searching her out through an alternative social media account after she's blocked him on one - that's creeper territory.

 

Were he to never engage her again and she actually initiate contact at a later time, a simple, belated "your loss" would have sufficed, at which point she is left to lick her wounds and contemplate whether to put forth some effort to right her wrongs.

 

This thread is full of denial.

[olivetree]

I do value looks a lot, i won’t lie there. But no I wouldn’t put up with a ****ty personality. I’m just trying to figure out where to improve so I can attract and be successful with the kind of women I want. I’m not looking for a freaking supermodel or anything but I am looking for women better than the women I’m currently seeing. And I’ve been successful at initially attracting them but not at keeping them into me.

 

You do put up with ****ty behaviour though.

This thread is just an example.

Blocking and flaking on you was really ****ty to do.

 

 

There’s nothing I say or do that would make them think that though. I don’t text them anything overtly sexual or anything. Could it be that once they know they have me they lose interest? Maybe I’m appearing as an interesting challenge, but then once they meet me they realize there’s no chase? It’s strange. I guess that adage is true “it’s the people you want the most that care about you the least”.

 

If a man asked me out on Instagram after very little banter, I'd assume he wants to go out because he thinks I'm physically attractive.

Instagram is all photos, after all.

I'd want a guy to want me for more than that, and to want more for himself than that.

 

Are you very touchy with them early on?

[Grey40]

Knew I should have trusted my gut. She just posted a Snapchat story (so sent to everyone on her friends list) of her hanging out at her house with another guy. Knew she was seeing someone. Boom. So she was free tonight just hanging at her house but clearly rather see this other guy. Her loss.

[Grey40]

You do put up with ****ty behaviour though.

This thread is just an example.

Blocking and flaking on you was really ****ty to do.

 

 

 

 

If a man asked me out on Instagram after very little banter, I'd assume he wants to go out because he thinks I'm physically attractive.

Instagram is all photos, after all.

I'd want a guy to want me for more than that, and to want more for himself than that.

 

Are you very touchy with them early on?

 

We had a LOT in common via the messages. It wasn’t like a first message date request. It based on more than looks—also mutual interests. We liked the same bands and even went to a lot of the same concerts. There was definitely conversational chemistry.

 

I’m always touchy feely early on, if you’re not you get friend zoned. Girls don’t know/realize this but that’s why guys don’t ask women for dating advice because it’s not accurate. Women say much different things than what they actually feel/want because their attraction is al emotionally based which can vary from moment to moment. I’d rather show my physics interest and have them slow me down or stop me than to not try. To me being sexual and touchy is a big part of the relationship and if you’re uncomfortable with that, it’s not going to work. And the only girls who have told me they weren’t into it are the girls who didn’t have a high level of interest anyways. It’s a good test to see how interested/attracted they actually are. If a girl likes you/is highly attracted she’s going to enjoy the touchiness, not the other way around.

Edited November 18, 2017 by Grey40

[Chilli]

lt's a personality thing for you.

l know you said things in common and connection and stuff , but that doesn't mean the personalities are right.

 

Go slower , wait until you meet someone where your just into each other, that's what's missing and screwing things up. you gotta dig each other.

[Space Ritual]

Knew I should have trusted my gut. She just posted a Snapchat story (so sent to everyone on her friends list) of her hanging out at her house with another guy. Knew she was seeing someone. Boom. So she was free tonight just hanging at her house but clearly rather see this other guy. Her loss.

 

There, case closed.

 

She showed you who she was. Believe her. And don't look back.

 

I am myself a pretty shallow guy romantically. I like causal relationships of short duration with strippers and women of ill repute. Generally it's based on their looks. I make no bones about it when I pursue these women. And for the most part I am successful at it because I make no bones about it and I don't try to pursue something long lasting. I am 53 and I am not going to be in a LTR with someone who is 33. But I'll be more than happy to have a bit of fun until it ends...

 

Because it Always ends. And I am just happy at my age I am still apparently pleasant enough appearance wise to be able to bang above my pay grade.

 

But I know one thing, and most guys need to remember this before getting all mushy and gushy.

 

Some guy will come along with more money, better looks, or a bigger dick. It's just the way life works.

 

Move forward and pursue somebody who does not have more problems than a Math Book.

[Grey40]

There, case closed.

 

She showed you who she was. Believe her. And don't look back.

 

.

 

What do you mean she showed me who she is? I’m just happy that I️ figured out the reason her behavior was so wishy washy. The guy in her snap is a guy she’s been seeing for a while, because he’s on her insta going back a few years. So She’s probably been having issues with him/contemplating perhaps leaving him or at least entertaining that thought but couldn’t pull the trigger that quickly. Which is totally fine. Wonder why she didn’t mention she was seeing someone? Maybe because she’s planning on ending it with him, and wants me to be there when she does? Who knows. It feels good to know that your instinct is correct.

[Jdoublenn]

What makes you think that? You don’t friend zone people you’ve never met.

 

I do. :laugh:

 

TBH its my vice when I'm single. Talk to someone (i have never met) for a week, Nit pick a stupid reason why I'm over it, and bail. Not proud of it but it happens. People can definitely friendzone someone they've never met.

[Jdoublenn]

Lol. There’s no point in blocking her back, that’s acting like a child.

 

Its only "being a child" if you keep messaging her but block her just for the sake of revenge. I believe the person mentioned you should block her as in, rid her from your life completely, and move on. Its not petty if you're ridding yourself of all ways of contact, so you don't have to hear her excuses anymore.

 

Plus she unblocked me today. I don’t need to block her.

 

Hmmmm... And how exactly do you know this?

 

I usually don't side with the majority on this forum.. But you came here and asked, and everyone answered. At this point of course you're gonna do what you're gonna do. But getting uber defensive of your every move(which you continue to update us on) is your choice.. We're (mostly) all here because we've been thru similar circumstances and are just warning you, so its pointless to take anything personally. She sounds like a flake. Point blank. *shrug*

 

Good luck with it all, truly. Maybe she will be your unicorn.

 

 

**Just caught up. Glad you know, and can move on now. Sorry girls are jerks sometimes.

Edited November 18, 2017 by Jdoublenn

[Grey40]

Its only "being a child" if you keep messaging her but block her just for the sake of revenge. I believe the person mentioned you should block her as in, rid her from your life completely, and move on. Its not petty if you're ridding yourself of all ways of contact, so you don't have to hear her excuses anymore.

 

 

 

Hmmmm... And how exactly do you know this?

 

I usually don't side with the majority on this forum.. But you came here and asked, and everyone answered. At this point of course you're gonna do what you're gonna do. But getting uber defensive of your every move(which you continue to update us on) is your choice.. We're (mostly) all here because we've been thru similar circumstances and are just warning you, so its pointless to take anything personally. She sounds like a flake. Point blank. *shrug*

 

Good luck with it all, truly. Maybe she will be your unicorn.

 

 

**Just caught up. Glad you know, and can move on now. Sorry girls are jerks sometimes.

 

 

Thanks for the response. Yeah I know that people are going to answer and tel me things i don’t want to hear, that’s part of being on here, so i get that. I wasn’t taking everything really that personally (though that’s an inevitable outcome)..i just notice that a lot of people on here jump to the most negative conclusion all the time and rarely back up why they think they way they do other than just “I’ve been there before”. Which—isn’t entirely true. Everyone is a little different and every situation is different. That’s what I believe at least. And in this case, I ended up being right. She may very well have been interested in me after all but once again bad timing because she’s seeing someone. Wish she just told me that right out of the gate, would have made it much easier and I️ wouldn’t have bothered pursuing.

[Grey40]

I do. :laugh:

 

TBH its my vice when I'm single. Talk to someone (i have never met) for a week, Nit pick a stupid reason why I'm over it, and bail. Not proud of it but it happens. People can definitely friendzone someone they've never met.

 

That’s pretty awful. You should try and stop doing that. Would you like a guy to do the same to you? I’m sure you wouldn’t. Usually I’m good at weeding out women like you that do that though by moving quick. I would never talk to a girl for an entire week before setting up a date and plan to meet up anymore. The texting/talking increases each time we hang out in person and get to know each other. In my experience, any woman I talked to for a week or longer brgor meeting never actually ever happened. They never met up. No need to waste weeks of your time taking and getting to know someone you’ve never even met and may never meet in person.

[kendahke]

Knew I should have trusted my gut. She just posted a Snapchat story (so sent to everyone on her friends list) of her hanging out at her house with another guy. Knew she was seeing someone. Boom. So she was free tonight just hanging at her house but clearly rather see this other guy. Her loss.

 

She did that for you. Her other friends most likely don't care who she's hanging out with.

 

Move on.

[normal person]

I do value looks a lot, i won’t lie there. But no I wouldn’t put up with a ****ty personality.

 

This thread about you putting up with a *****y personality is 5 pages long.

 

We had a LOT in common via the messages. It wasn’t like a first message date request. It based on more than looks—also mutual interests. We liked the same bands and even went to a lot of the same concerts.

 

Totally irrelevant and trivial. Does liking the same music give people any actual semblance of compatibility? By that logic, you should basically date anyone who goes to the same concert as you because you have "a lot in common." If I like football, should I just date any girl who also likes football? Interests are trivial. Personality traits, values, goals, and character qualities are much bigger indicators of compatibility.

 

There was definitely conversational chemistry.

 

She also blocked you.

 

I’m just happy that I️ figured out the reason her behavior was so wishy washy. The guy in her snap is a guy she’s been seeing for a while, because he’s on her insta going back a few years. So She’s probably been having issues with him/contemplating perhaps leaving him or at least entertaining that thought but couldn’t pull the trigger that quickly. Which is totally fine.

 

You seem like you have a tendency to romanticize things unnecessarily. You're really only hurting yourself. I think you'd be much happier if you just move on and forget about it if something like this happens again.

 

Wonder why she didn’t mention she was seeing someone? Maybe because she’s planning on ending it with him, and wants me to be there when she does? Who knows. It feels good to know that your instinct is correct.

 

Does it matter? Are you with her now? Even if you're right, do you want to be someone's "Plan B?" Would she even respect someone who was fine with that? You need to move on to someone who screw around with you like this and will respect your time. You're doing yourself more harm than good right now.

[olivetree]

Just because she posted a Snap of her hanging out with a guy doesn't necessarily mean she is exclusively seeing him or even seeing him at all.

 

It honestly doesn't matter.

This all should have been over the moment she blocked you.

I hope that part sinks in for you.

[Highndry]

Just because she posted a Snap of her hanging out with a guy doesn't necessarily mean she is exclusively seeing him or even seeing him at all.

 

It honestly doesn't matter.

This all should have been over the moment she blocked you.

I hope that part sinks in for you.

 

^^This.

 

I think your social media stalking of this woman is unhealthy, even disturbing. You're drawing your own conclusions about things when you don't have any facts, just pictures.

 

The only fact which is certain is that she is 100% NOT into you, yet you're chasing her around like a lost puppy dog, pouring over her online activities and salivating for any bone she throws you.

[Ruby Slippers]

If you want to pull the hottest girls, you need to step up your messaging/texting game, and game in general.

 

I read game guides online for fun, and there's gold in some of them.

 

You acted like every other eager guy, putting up with her BS because of her looks. To use a game term, you were a simp - putting yourself in a subservient position and taking her disrespectful behavior just because she's hot. Like 99% of guys she talks to.

 

The guys she's most excited about would never do that. They have high value and options, so they'd never entertain her childish behavior, and certainly wouldn't chase her around the internet.

[olivetree]

If you want to pull the hottest girls, you need to step up your messaging/texting game, and game in general.

 

I read game guides online for fun, and there's gold in some of them.

 

You acted like every other eager guy, putting up with her BS because of her looks. To use a game term, you were a simp - putting yourself in a subservient position and taking her disrespectful behavior just because she's hot. Like 99% of guys she talks to.

 

The guys she's most excited about would never do that. They have high value and options, so they'd never entertain her childish behavior, and certainly wouldn't chase her around the internet.

 

My thoughts exactly.

[Grey40]

If you want to pull the hottest girls, you need to step up your messaging/texting game, and game in general.

 

I read game guides online for fun, and there's gold in some of them.

 

You acted like every other eager guy, putting up with her BS because of her looks. To use a game term, you were a simp - putting yourself in a subservient position and taking her disrespectful behavior just because she's hot. Like 99% of guys she talks to.

 

The guys she's most excited about would never do that. They have high value and options, so they'd never entertain her childish behavior, and certainly wouldn't chase her around the internet.

 

I dont buy the whole "game" BS. I find that stuff to be scams. They all try to point you in one direction to be "cocky and funny" like it's some act or magic trick you have to pull to get girls interested and keep them entertained. That crap doesn't work on women that are worth your time imo. I think everyone just has to go out there and find out what works for them. There's no silver bullet and or set way to attract people. That's why it's such a joke. It's really not that complicated. I mean, if you're a very unattractive male, then I could see where having game could help you, but if you're average or above average looking that stuff does way more harm than it helps. And it makes you overanalyze everything.

 

It's really not that difficult. It's just about having fun, having a good time, being confident and taking the lead. It's pretty simple. I just think it's just much more difficult to find really attractive women who are actually available romantically because they are usually not. They always have a guy they are "talking to", hooking up with or dating, as well as multiple cling on guys on the side as backups, so it's just hard to break through that as a random person, especially online.

 

I agree with the second half your post though. I simply let this chick get to me for some reason, and I have to stop letting that happen. I was so good for a few months with brushing it off and moving on to the next, but I guess this time I got frustrated. I'm currently talking/seeing 3-4 other women, but I'm really just not all that into them, and am going to probably stop seeing almost all of them because I know I'm just not feeling it. I got hopeful that I might be meeting someone I'm actually really super attracted to for once.

Edited November 18, 2017 by Grey40

[Imajerk17]

Well OP I think you will find yourself much further along when you find yourself less impressed w a girl's LOOKS and more discerning about her CHARACTER.

 

I get it, of course we have to be physically attracted to the women we date. But for myself personally, if a woman pulled half the stuff that this woman pulled on you, then I'd fast lose attraction and interest, no matter how "hawt" she is.

 

Look, I do get that you found this woman's flakey behaviour to be frustrating, and that you are wondering why she couldn't have been more straightforward. Anyway, your original question was "What's wrong with this girl". As I said before, she probably reached out to you just because she wanted male attention or something (maybe she and a guy were fighting or something), and she really had no intention on following through. They aren't going to spell all this out for you, so they vanish. It isn't cool but it is what it is. Read the threads written by some of the young women on here.

 

Hope this helps.

Edited November 18, 2017 by Imajerk17