What’s wrong with this girl?

[kendahke]

Find someone else to take to the concert, block her on snapchat and instagram and move on. She was just playing you for attention.

 

Who blocks someone out the gate by accident? That's not something done by a mistake.

 

You have to call up their profile, go to the 3 dots on the top right, choose "block" in red letters and then it asks you "Block (name here)?" in bold black letters. It then says "They won't be able to find your profile, posts or story on Instagram. Instagram won't let them know you've blocked them" and it gives you the choice of "cancel" or "block". It then says "You can unblock them at any time from their profile" and gives you the option to "dismiss" the block. She didn't dismiss the block on you.

 

That means she blocked you on purpose. I think it was because you filled your role in giving her attention online and not in person--and that's all she was after.

 

Block. Her.

Edited November 17, 2017 by kendahke

[Grey40]

Find someone else to take to the concert, block her on snapchat and instagram and move on. She was just playing you for attention.

 

Who blocks someone out the gate by accident? That's not something done by a mistake--you're prompted if this is what you want to do before saying yes, so she blocked you on purpose because you filled your role in giving her attention--and that's all she was after.

 

Block. Her.

 

Lol. There’s no point in blocking her back, that’s acting like a child. Plus she unblocked me today. I don’t need to block her. the reason I ask girls out so quickly is so that they realize they can’t use me for that. If they act interested they better be willing to meet up or hang out. Yeah it definitely wasn’t an accident. She probably did that so i would take the hint that she wasn’t interested.

 

Though to be honest, i suspect that there’s more going on to this—AKA another guy in the picture. She’s probably kind of seeing someone else at the moment and after thinking about it, realized she doesn’t want to risk what she has with that guy to go out with a random guy like me. Just a hunch, because her behavior has been odd compared to what I’m used to. Almost like she’s trying to hide something.

[Imajerk17]

Well the blocking I don’t get. She agreed to a date and it was set, I didn’t continue to text her afterward or chase or anything..she just decided to block me for no reason. She got herself into this situation by agreeing to the date, so she’s equally to blame here.

 

How do you know for sure that her apology is insincere? I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and always offer a second chance. Iam a total stranger to her basically and i definitely probably came on a bit too strong, so maybe she just had to think about it some more. I’ve met women in the past who did similar dissapearing acts but not because they weren’t interested by because the timing was just bad—things were going on in their lives that were out of control and that didn’t allow them to date for whatever reason.

 

Don’t value myself? Because i didn’t brush her away and ignore completely? I’m not that cold like you guys. What I’m showing is that **** doesn’t bother me and I’m not going to throw a temper tantrum like a 5 year old just because she dissapeared. The truth is I’m still attracted and if she comes around and wants to hang out i will. I’m not going to spend any time or effort on her at the moment, I’ll be moving on but I’m not going to shut the door on someone just because they behaved poorly one time.

 

OP, think of someone you were excited to meet. Did you EVER blow them off for an entire 96 hours before your scheduled date and then text right after the allotted time passed saying "sorry too busy". Yeah me neither.

 

No one wants you to throw a temper tantrum, it's in fact the opposite just show some self-respect and forget about this girl. She had her chance and blew it. There are plenty others.

[Miss Spider]

Well the blocking I don’t get. She agreed to a date and it was set, I didn’t continue to text her afterward or chase or anything..she just decided to block me for no reason. She got herself into this situation by agreeing to the date, so she’s equally to blame here.

 

How do you know for sure that her apology is insincere? I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and always offer a second chance. Iam a total stranger to her basically and i definitely probably came on a bit too strong, so maybe she just had to think about it some more. I’ve met women in the past who did similar dissapearing acts but not because they weren’t interested by because the timing was just bad—things were going on in their lives that were out of control and that didn’t allow them to date for whatever reason.

 

Don’t value myself? Because i didn’t brush her away and ignore completely? I’m not that cold like you guys. What I’m showing is that **** doesn’t bother me and I’m not going to throw a temper tantrum like a 5 year old just because she dissapeared. The truth is I’m still attracted and if she comes around and wants to hang out i will. I’m not going to spend any time or effort on her at the moment, I’ll be moving on but I’m not going to shut the door on someone just because they behaved poorly one time.

 

She deliberately blocked you because she didn't want to continue with you at the moment. I wish I had a nickel for every time I used to do stuff like this. I'm not here to make myself look better than I am. I am going to keep it real and say I have pulled this stuff a zillion times to guys and not a single one of them I had much interest in/any intention of taking it further than maybe a date or 2. Sometimes I can't muster the enthusiasm for that, so I just blocked/ghosted/faded to avoid the awkward convo. But even when you think you think you are showing clear indication to the guy you're not interested and being disrespectful, they rarely cease. If anything, they chase harder. Sometimes they beg. I wish people had more dignity than to put up with kind of behavior from disinterested people they barely even know, but they don't. So what did I do ? I got bored or wanted someone to chat with so I went back to say sorry and gave a weak excuse. And they always say np and act like nothing happened. It's so desperate but TBH they were just a back up option so they didn't need to be that attractive.

 

 

It will go nowhere with this girl. You're wasting your time. That's my opinion, but you will proceed because guys always do(not sure about girls but I'm sure girls do this as well).

[kendahke]

I’m not going to shut the door on someone just because they behaved poorly one time.

 

We teach people how to treat us by what we let slide from them.

[kendahke]

Lol. There’s no point in blocking her back, that’s acting like a child. Plus she unblocked me today. I don’t need to block her. the reason I ask girls out so quickly is so that they realize they can’t use me for that. If they act interested they better be willing to meet up or hang out. Yeah it definitely wasn’t an accident. She probably did that so i would take the hint that she wasn’t interested.

 

Though to be honest, i suspect that there’s more going on to this—AKA another guy in the picture. She’s probably kind of seeing someone else at the moment and after thinking about it, realized she doesn’t want to risk what she has with that guy to go out with a random guy like me. Just a hunch, because her behavior has been odd compared to what I’m used to. Almost like she’s trying to hide something.

 

Go ahead and live in denial... Just spare us the said 5 yr old temper tantrum.

Edited November 17, 2017 by kendahke

[Grey40]

 

 

It will go nowhere with this girl. You're wasting your time. That's my opinion, but you will proceed because guys always do(not sure about girls but I'm sure girls do this as well).

 

You may very well be right. I’m not wasting any time though. All I did was ask if she’s free this weekend and then said i could meet her at X and X time on Saturday. That was ast night, and of course she hasn’t responded yet. And she probably won’t. But I’m not going to contact her again now, she’s going to have to reach out to me now if she wants to see me, and if she does I’ll entertain the offer. There’s literally no time being wasted here.

[Grey40]

Go ahead and live in denial... Just spare us the said 5 yr old temper tantrum.

 

I’m not living in denial. I’m accepting the fact she’s uninterested but I’m leaving the door open in case there’s another reason behind all of this. What’s the harm in that?

Edited November 17, 2017 by Grey40

[Grey40]

I matched with a girl on bumble months ago, we started talking and set up a time to hang out and she dissapeared on me too completely. No cancellation of the date or anything. 3 months later we ended up matching on bumble again and she sincerely apologized for screwing me over saying that things were really hectic in her life, she was finishing up school and had problems with the family at home and she couldn’t date at the time and didn’t have the guts to tell me because she didn’t want me to hate her. She said she was really happy we matched again because she was really attracted and really regretted not trying to date me back then. SHE then made the plans to go out for a date and became totally free and into me from that point on and we dated for like 3 months..she ended up getting super clingy and i couldn’t deal with it anymore.

 

But my point is that that’s an example of someone who “ghosted” but not because they werent interested. Could she be lying? Yeah I guess. Could have been what Isaid before..another guy or maybe she was really telling the truth. So it’s happened to me before and it doesn’t always mean they’re not into you. Sometimes they think things through and decide to give it a shot.

 

That person could end up becoming your wife for Christ sakes. But no, you have to block them and close the door on them because “I’m too good for them” it’s just an arrogant, elitist way to think. If you’re so great you wouldn’t be on a dating forum looking for advice. We all have things to work on.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Grey40

[normal person]

. She said she was really happy we matched again because she was really attracted and really regretted not trying to date me back then. SHE then made the plans to go out for a date and became totally free and into me from that point on and we dated for like 3 months.

 

Yeah, that's what I suggested in an earlier post it might be ok if she wants to get back in touch and do all the legwork herself to make up for being flaky earlier. But that isn't what's happening here. Until this girl is willing to go out of her way to set something up with you, or tell you when she's definitely available, and/or quit blocking/ignoring/dodging your questions, then you should just ignore her. You make yourself look bad otherwise.

[kendahke]

I’m not living in denial. I’m accepting the fact she’s uninterested but I’m leaving the door open in case there’s another reason behind all of this. What’s the harm in that?

 

What other reasons could it be?

 

It could be she's so shy she can't make it out the front door of her house.

 

It could be she's too narcissistic and is only in it for attention.

 

It could be she has a boyfriend.

 

It could be she has some form of mental illness.

 

It could be she was never serious about doing anything with you and was just playing with you.

 

I'm not seeing anything remotely attractive in any of these scenarios that would incite me to give her anything like a minute of my precious time.

 

But hey, if you want to waste your time being energetically tied up with this one wanting to find out her reasons...

 

Like my tag line says

 

 

| |

V V

[Imajerk17]

I matched with a girl on bumble months ago, we started talking and set up a time to hang out and she dissapeared on me too completely. No cancellation of the date or anything. 3 months later we ended up matching on bumble again and she sincerely apologized for screwing me over saying that things were really hectic in her life, she was finishing up school and had problems with the family at home and she couldn’t date at the time and didn’t have the guts to tell me because she didn’t want me to hate her. She said she was really happy we matched again because she was really attracted and really regretted not trying to date me back then. SHE then made the plans to go out for a date and became totally free and into me from that point on and we dated for like 3 months..she ended up getting super clingy and i couldn’t deal with it anymore.

 

But my point is that that’s an example of someone who “ghosted” but not because they werent interested. Could she be lying? Yeah I guess. Could have been what Isaid before..another guy or maybe she was really telling the truth. So it’s happened to me before and it doesn’t always mean they’re not into you. Sometimes they think things through and decide to give it a shot.

 

That person could end up becoming your wife for Christ sakes. But no, you have to block them and close the door on them because “I’m too good for them” it’s just an arrogant, elitist way to think. If you’re so great you wouldn’t be on a dating forum looking for advice. We all have things to work on.

 

Do you see the difference between the above situation, where the girl followed up her apology with ACTION--i.e., actually setting up the date with you. All the girl who is the subject of this thread did was give you a half-hearted excuse.

[olivetree]

I’m not living in denial. I’m accepting the fact she’s uninterested but I’m leaving the door open in case there’s another reason behind all of this. What’s the harm in that?

 

Because it looks like you have no self-respect, not that you're a cool care-free guy.

You can't start any sort of good relationship on that basis.

 

Imagine you guys go out this weekend.

Are you going to feel like she actually wants to be there?

[Grey40]

Because it looks like you have no self-respect, not that you're a cool care-free guy.

You can't start any sort of good relationship on that basis.

 

Imagine you guys go out this weekend.

Are you going to feel like she actually wants to be there?

 

She’s the one that looks worse because she dissapeared and couldn’t just be honest and upfront. She should be the one embarrassed. I did my part and put the effort in, if she didn’t want to go, she should have at least canceled and made up an excuse. Instead she just dodged totally like a coward.

 

I wouldn’t be thinking about whether she wanted to be there or not the entire time, that would be a huge waste. I would go into the date trying to have fun, have a good time and think that she was the one who made the mistake and it’s totally cool—she’s here on the date now, so that’s what matters. It’s not like I’m begging her to go out with me. In her apology She said “I think we should hang out and get to know each other more.” Those are her words not mine. So I’m not begging her there’s at least an inkling of interest on her part otherwise she wouldn’t have even bothered getting to the point of setting up a date.

[normal person]

That person could end up becoming your wife for Christ sakes. But no, you have to block them and close the door on them because “I’m too good for them” it’s just an arrogant, elitist way to think.

 

But would you want to marry a woman who would pull this kind of childish crap? Maintaining some dignity and not bothering with people who don't care if they waste your time isn't "elitist," it's just practical and mature. What isn't practical or mature is getting bent out of shape about someone's poor Snapchat etiquette. If you want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she might legitimately be "really busy" or "have a lot going on," ok, but why can't she just have the basic human decency to just say that? The fact that she doesn't speaks volumes.

[Grey40]

But would you want to marry a woman who would pull this kind of childish crap? Maintaining some dignity and not bothering with people who don't care if they waste your time isn't "elitist," it's just practical and mature. What isn't practical or mature is getting bent out of shape about someone's poor Snapchat etiquette. If you want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she might legitimately be "really busy" or "have a lot going on," ok, but why can't she just have the basic human decency to just say that? The fact that she doesn't speaks volumes.

 

 

It does but people change once they know you. My sister is currently dating a guy that bailed on a date—didn’t talk to her for a year..they reconnected and then bailed on her again. He eventually apologized, set up the third date and actually showed up and now they’re in love been dating for 1 year and he’s head over heels for her—talking about moving in together now etc. and has never pulled that crap since. He said he was “being Stupid” back then.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Grey40

[Miss Spider]

You may very well be right. I’m not wasting any time though. All I did was ask if she’s free this weekend and then said i could meet her at X and X time on Saturday. That was ast night, and of course she hasn’t responded yet. And she probably won’t. But I’m not going to contact her again now, she’s going to have to reach out to me now if she wants to see me, and if she does I’ll entertain the offer. There’s literally no time being wasted here.

 

Well you are still going out of your way to make plans with a girl who is obviously not that interested. Even to entertain the idea of it implies being kind of hard up on options. At least that's the impression I always got when I came back to a dude and he was at my beck and call. But what you consider a valuable use of your time could be very different from mine.

 

 

The bumble girl didn't want to meet because she wasn't that interested at the time either but at least when all her other options ran out and she came back to you she made the plans and you were able to keep hers when you met. And I am willing to bet her crazy clingy behavior is what made the guy(s) in line ahead of you lose interest too lol.

 

Best of luck. Hope a love connection is made.

[Miss Spider]

on bumble ... apologized for screwing me over saying that things were really hectic in her life, she was finishing up school and had problems with the family at home and she couldn’t date at the time and didn’t have the guts to tell me because she didn’t want me to hate her.

 

People buy this stuff

Edited November 17, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

Arguing with the posters here and seeking justification to leave the door open to this trollop is a clear indication you just don't get it.

 

She owns her own business? I call BS on that.

She agrees to a date and then blocks you, comes back with a wild explanation that you swallow whole. I call BS on that, as well.

 

Look.

 

Chances are this chick is either taken, and in need of an ego stroke, or not who she says she is.

 

When people do squirrelly things like block, unblock, send stupid pics and act like nothing ever happened, you should assume the person at the other end of the screen is not who they purport themselves to be. Her actions are pretty obvious. Obvious enough that Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles could spot it coming in Technicolor.

 

What YOU need to do is not make yourself such an easy mark for people looking for game playing Because she/he/or other is taking you for quite a ride. and you are buying it.

 

Block her and move on. To do anything else flies in the face of common sense and will lead to you clutching a bottle of whiskey, rolling around in a blanket listening to 'Wildfire" by Michael Martin Murphy and screaming 'Why? Why? Why?" as you seethe in the night and kicking yourself for falling for such games.

 

A little Harsh? Yep, But I am no diplomat. I just am very good at seeing an oncoming trainwreck.

[kendahke]

That person could end up becoming your wife for Christ sakes.

 

And that is why so many marriages end in divorce or with serious dysfunction--because someone married a person that was completely wrong for them for all the wrong reasons.

 

That determination does not come until well after they have proven themselves over the course of time that they are fit to be a spouse--I never look at anyone I'm just talking to on freakin' instagram and have never seen or spent time with in person as a future spouse. That's wholly immature and presumptive thinking.

 

But no, you have to block them and close the door on them because “I’m too good for them” it’s just an arrogant, elitist way to think.

 

Speaking for myself, that saves me from a lot of unnecessary messiness and F--kery with people who are only there to waste my time. But yeah, I am too good for them if this is the best they can do/offer because I require way more than some milquetoast, half-a$$ed attempt and then have them insult my intelligence and play me off by blocking me "accidentally" when no one does that unless they don't want to be bothered or they are excruciatingly immature. I'm done raising children.

 

If you’re so great you wouldn’t be on a dating forum looking for advice.

 

Non sequitur. No one here has said they were great or better than you. You came here asking us for our advice and we gave it.

 

Could it be that this chick picked up on this with you and has decided to back out?

 

We all have things to work on.

 

But we all aren't posting about it and rejecting the advice we've been given.

 

Do you; we're not obligated to co-sign or validate.

[Space Ritual]

People buy this stuff

 

They do.

Even in this day and age. they do. Because they WANT to.

 

When I was a kid when I learned that TV wrestling was fake I wanted to belevee it wasn't true. And for me in my childhood I just brushed it aside and continued to believe in it, because I wanted to.

 

Then I tried a Figure 4 Leglock on someone in real life and hit them with a chair and really hurt them. The scales fell from my eyes. lol.

[normal person]

She’s the one that looks worse because she dissapeared and couldn’t just be honest and upfront.

 

No, you look worse for caring this much and not just moving on.

 

She should be the one embarrassed.

 

Common decency says she "should be," but I'd wager the reason you haven't seen her isn't because she really wants to meet you but is too embarrassed to admit wrongdoing, it's because she just doesn't care at all.

 

I did my part and put the effort in, if she didn’t want to go, she should have at least canceled and made up an excuse. Instead she just dodged totally like a coward.

 

I agree. Yet, here you are in this position, still caring about it.

 

It does but people change once they know you. My sister is currently dating a guy that bailed on a date—didn’t talk to her for a year..they reconnected and then bailed on her again. He eventually apologized, set up the third date and actually showed up and now they’re in love been dating for 1 year and he’s head over heels for her—talking about moving in together now etc. and has never pulled that crap since. He said he was “being Stupid” back then.

 

Ok, great. But until this girl wants to make it up to you in an act of contrition like your sister's guy, you're still giving her too much investment. Maybe if you ease off the gas a little she won't think you're too desperate. But if you keep pressing it, there's no good outcome. Even if she goes out with you, you're playing from behind because she already doesn't respect you as much as she would've otherwise, that is to say if she's not so turned off by it that she loses interest entirely.

 

My personal opinion is that it's best to forget about her until she's ready and willing to do everything necessary to make it happen. Then the playing field has been more or less evened out. Until then, you're not helping yourself. If someone cancels or flakes, forget about them until they get back in touch and you feel like you'll be sufficiently compensated for the wrongdoing.

 

A few times a girl has messaged me, then some complication on her end made us have to cancel. In every instance, I just assumed the worst, forgot about her, and moved on. Each time they got back in touch and wanted to buy me drinks. I doubt it would've happened like that if I had kept at it. If you invest too much energy and attention into someone you've never met, it's a red flag that alludes to the fact that you might not have any other options, and are undesirable yourself.

[Grey40]

 

 

Ok, great. But until this girl wants to make it up to you in an act of contrition like your sister's guy, you're still giving her too much investment. Maybe if you ease off the gas a little she won't think you're too desperate. But if you keep pressing it, there's no good outcome. Even if she goes out with you, you're playing from behind because she already doesn't respect you as much as she would've otherwise, that is to say if she's not so turned off by it that she loses interest entirely.

 

My personal opinion is that it's best to forget about her until she's ready and willing to do everything necessary to make it happen. Then the playing field has been more or less evened out. Until then, you're not helping yourself. If someone cancels or flakes, forget about them until they get back in touch and you feel like you'll be sufficiently compensated for the wrongdoing.

 

A few times a girl has messaged me, then some complication on her end made us have to cancel. In every instance, I just assumed the worst, forgot about her, and moved on. Each time they got back in touch and wanted to buy me drinks. I doubt it would've happened like that if I had kept at it. If you invest too much energy and attention into someone you've never met, it's a red flag that alludes to the fact that you might not have any other options, and are undesirable yourself.

 

I agree with your advice here for the most part. Iam caring about it way too much. I shouldn’t be, you’re right. The problem I’ve had though is when Ivback off and stop chasing the girls think I’ve lost interest and stop contacting altogether because they’re afraid of rejection. I know this because eventually i would reach out to them and they would say “i never thought you were going to contact me again, i thought you totally lost interest, im glad you reached out.” They never would have contacted me again if I didn’t first.

 

The other scenario is they contact me again, but do so in a kind of attacking way “so I guess you’re no longer interested in seeing me, you could have told me you know....”

 

So it’s a fine line. The reason I care so much is because the girls who always screw me over like this are always the ones I’m most attracted to and really excited to meet. This issue never happens with girls that I’m “so-so” about. Maybe im acting differently with them? I really don’t though, I’ve been trying to treat everyone the same and not show my cards too much. I have tons of success on the dating apps and always ask girls for their number and ask them on dates relatively quickly and have no problem with that. I haven’t had a girl bail on me in months, of course none of them are the kind of attractive level I’m looking for.

 

Every time I get a super hot, interesting woman into me, they pull this kind of crap. Every time. Either before the first date or after 1-2 dates. And I know I’m an above average looking guy, I’ve been told many times by many people, so it’s not like im aiming at women “out of my league”. I’m not searing for a supermodel but I️ want a woman I’m super attracted to physically that I’m not ashamed to be dating.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Grey40

[normal person]

The problem I’ve had though is when Ivback off and stop chasing the girls think I’ve lost interest and stop contacting altogether because they’re afraid of rejection.

 

If they were that interested in you and your level of interest, do you really think you'd be in this position to begin with? Being "rejected" would imply that they have a strong desire to see you in the first place. And if they did, you'd be dating them, not wondering why you aren't.

 

I know this because eventually i would reach out to them and they would say “i never thought you were going to contact me again, i thought you totally lost interest, im glad you reached out.” They never would have contacted me again if I didn’t first.

 

Why are they so glad you reached out but so unwilling to meet you to begin with? It doesn't make any sense to me.

 

The other scenario is they contact me again, but do so in a kind of attacking way “so I guess you’re no longer interested in seeing me, you could have told me you know....”

 

So you say "Yeah, I tried to set up a time to meet but you blocked me and ignored my question and did some stupid Snapchat bull****. So I'm not so sure why you're mad at me when if you wanted to go out, all you had to do is respond like an adult."

 

The reason I care so much is because the girls who always screw me over like this are always the ones I’m most attracted to and really excited to meet.

 

Regardless of the reason, it doesn't help you. Best of luck.

[olivetree]

So it’s a fine line. The reason I care so much is because the girls who always screw me over like this are always the ones I’m most attracted to and really excited to meet. This issue never happens with girls that I’m “so-so” about. Maybe im acting differently with them? I really don’t though, I’ve been trying to treat everyone the same and not show my cards too much. I have tons of success on the dating apps and always ask girls for their number and ask them on dates relatively quickly and have no problem with that. I haven’t had a girl bail on me in months, of course none of them are the kind of attractive level I’m looking for.

 

Every time I get a super hot, interesting woman into me, they pull this kind of crap. Every time. Either before the first date or after 1-2 dates. And I know I’m an above average looking guy, I’ve been told many times by many people, so it’s not like im aiming at women “out of my league”. I’m not searing for a supermodel but I️ want a woman I’m super attracted to physically that I’m not ashamed to be dating.

 

It seems like you're really focused on looks and value it so much that you're willing to put up with a ****ty personality.

 

Not only can they sense this, they might suspect you're not really interested in getting to know them, but their body.