joel Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 ok my question is this is it really that hard these days for a avg guy-asian to get a girl to go out with you-asian or white girl. i have tried like 3-4 x's in my 2 yrs in college, one said no -maybe next time-remember guys if u recall the leanne situtaion like of last yr, another one a girl from my other class-got her e mail after talking to her on the bus-ask her out no responce of 3 e mails, another girl said i wasn;t her type. i have read a lot of advice from u guys and other forums -don;t be desperate, be cool, take it or leave it approach.... for some reason not sure but i do try -i find it hard gettin just a date-girl to hang out with u . these girl aren't stunners like decent to good looking-i'm not a decent looking guy too. the first girl i screwed up with is i went too fast and too eager -didn;t got for the number or e mail addy, second one i did but e mailed me after i e mailed her a second time,-seems like no interest. do girls these days in their 20's don;t want to date or are they looking for the best they can get. what is it how do u guys or gals do it-its hardddd for me just to get a date to get a gal to hang out with u-movies, hang out at the fair, shopping , anything. i treid online-no success either -you talk to ppl on IM but nothing.
OverProtective Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 I am a engineer, I was in school for 5 years so i know how it is buddy. Dating in College is extremely difficult.Most of the time it's a unrequired distraction. Alot of people in college have been through or going through the very difficult job of multitasking the very busy school schedule and love schedule. The girl that said no could just be focusing on her studies. Finding a Date isn't really hard, First tip, Stay away from the bars!Unless you're looking for a quick lay and STD this is a no no! Second tip , Don't date anyone in your class, AHHH i did this twice and regreted it. If you really wanna find someone, Try a library or shopping center near student housing! good luck
battleworn Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Is this for real? First of all, write like a grownup. Use real words, not letters. And capitalize. This will get you into the class of girls that are not idiots. If on the other hand she responds with "u r kewl" she may be no Nobel laureate herself. If your e-mails are like your posting, they all gave up due to headaches from trying to make sense of it. Secondly, I've got to say, 3-4 tries in two years is not enough. Either you have to know them better and detect interest then make your move, or you try a lot more women. But don't go for broke every time. Why not just smile and make light conversation. Once you can talk to women consistently and confidently, try casually asking for their e-mail or IM. Once you have that, you can strike up a conversation at the time or your choosing, with forethought. But like you said, you have to be cool about it. Try to find some common interests and talk about those. Keep it short, ask a couple of questions and see if she does the same back. If there's something there, the messages get longer. If not, move on. As for online, you can basically approach a ton of women in a very short time. Most services let you 'wink' or 'smile' at some for free. Do it a lot. I go through every day and find five or six new prospects. And I don't hear back from most of them, but so what, all I've wasted is a click of the mouse. I regard it like smiling at women in public-- you don't expect to get a reaction everytime, but it costs nothing so do it. Right now I've got three e-mail conversations going on, one dying due to her lack of interest, one due to mine, and one which is looking very promising since we're off the dating board and into real exchanges. Oh and post a flattering, but recent photo. Makes a huge difference. Finally as for being Asian, just be proud of who you are and don't worry about it. This topic has been discussed in many places.
SmallWonder Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 battleworn - Did you ever stop to think that perhaps his grammer isn't the greatest because his English isn't either? Joel - I would join a club or two when the school year starts. The Asian club, for example. There are TONS and tons of people - girls - join them. That's where I would begin. That will get your people skills working and you'll make new friends and new connections. From those friends and connections you'll meet woman who will want to meet you! Not to mention - depending on the club - you'll already have something in common to talk about. I don't think you're the type who is going to do well "picking up" girls. So don't make that your focus. Start by surrounding yourself with lots of people, who make you feel good and confident and see where that road leads you.
battleworn Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 battleworn - Did you ever stop to think that perhaps his grammer isn't the greatest because his English isn't either? No, because I don't get that at all from his wording. He just sounds like a lot of teens and 20 somethings that message that way. Fine when you're texting on a phone, but geez, if you have a keyboard with a shift key, use it. You know people, all Asians are not fresh off the boat. A lot us (yes us, I'm 2nd generation) grew up here. I have much less in common with a new Asian immigrant than I do with non-Asians who live here. Not a judgement call on anyone, just a fact. So maybe, just associating with other Asians isn't the best plan. And you know, Asia is a big continent. Trust me, there is a huge difference in the various Asian cultures. I know since I'm a mix of two very different ones. But you're right on joining clubs to meet people. Network.
millefiori Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 If I recall it right he wasn't born in Canada, he grew up there though. People have told him repeatedly to improve his English, spelling, grammar, but whatever. He doesn't listen. You as a girl can tell him that it's not very cool to write like this, you can also tell him what girls like or don't like, but he usually ignores it. Not good.
Neptune Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 And don`t forget .....If you can`t be with the one you love, love the one you are with. I mean don`t forget ugly girls! They are ten times nicer people than their attractive sistas. Just shoot for being their friends. Go to movies and everything, preferably in groups. Don`t shoot for one on one. Get totegther with their group. Have you noticed that girls who are not the pick of the litter get togther at various times? Cause they don`t have dates and such? Well, forget about the "don`t be friends with girls" for a while. It is better than roaming around trying to find a girl. You always look pathetic when doing so. What you will get out of it is practical knowlege. Just sit around like a fly on the wall and listen. You will learn a lot.
Mr.positive Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Ask more don't worry about rejection. It will happen.
Author joel Posted August 20, 2005 Author Posted August 20, 2005 ok my converstaion is like this school based. this is a gal that was in a previous class of mine and now is in the same class also this semester too. me-so how did u do in psych class her-good me-yea me too, lot of reading hey i hated it, but it was interesting her-yea i hate reading too me-so what courses u taking this semester her-ah business, physics ,bio, law me-OB, business planning, accounting, me-ah i hate physics can't calculate numbers,why u takin it her-ah i hate physics too, i take it b/c no other electives. goes something like that-pretty much basic cas conversation about something we have in common or experienced. now i'm working at some tech place-yea all guys no gurls so far well just my first 2 days so who nows -but i doubt i see any gals. yea great hey. i was thinkin of picking up and getting gals numbers on the bus or gals waiting for the bus-any advice and tips .well since i have no other way of meeting gals now, that just great hey http://www.plentyoffish.com/member540310.htm here are my pics
outdated Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 Joel, based on your pictures, you could be a guy that's getting dates. Look around you, there are repulsive people getting laid all the time. I suggest a trip to your local mall to prove that ugly people are reproducing. Confidence is what it takes. Grow a set, ask women out, and if they say no, then move on to another. It's a numbers game, and anyone that doesn't believe that is probably sitting home alone everynight. Don't use lame pick up lines, don't seem like it's the end of the world if they say no, and give them a reason to say yes. join a club- that's great advice because you will be around people with the same interests and therefore have something to talk about. Good luck.
kitkat826 Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 Hey there Joel, I agree with the guys about significantly upping your number of attempts. How about once a week? That should help your odds a lot, also give you more confidence in the long run. About all the English/grammar comments, I actually have a thing for guys whose English is not the best. So for me, at least, that wouldn't be an issue. p.s. I cant see the pictures, but I want to!
Neptune Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 I don`t think it is only a numbers game with asking for dates. You have to have your act together and realize exactly why you are asking a particular gal. You should be ahead of the curve enough to know that you are 80% there when you ask.
Neptune Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 Joel The conversation you posted with the girl in a previous post gives a possible clue as to one mistake you may be making. You mentioned twice that you hated something. You are talking negatives. Practice NEVER doing that to a girl right out the starting gate. Everything you say is better to be on a positive note. Keep the energy positive. If you say negative things she may agree, but be thinking this guy is a loser. Also, you would have been better off to compliment something about her right up front like "that is a nice necklace" and then get on with the school conversation....just a few thoughts!
Neptune Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 BTW Joel, the things I mention are mistakes that I learned about the hard way by falling flat on my face. One more thing .... it appears you may be having "factual loop" converstions with gals. Meaning that you are really just saying statements of fact that she either agrees or disagrees and then makes a counter statement of fact. It is up to you to bring it up to the next level. The level of emotional involvement. What you say has to move her in some way. You can have statement of fact conversations for hours and get nowhere.
Author joel Posted August 22, 2005 Author Posted August 22, 2005 Originally posted by Neptune BTW Joel, the things I mention are mistakes that I learned about the hard way by falling flat on my face. One more thing .... it appears you may be having "factual loop" converstions with gals. Meaning that you are really just saying statements of fact that she either agrees or disagrees and then makes a counter statement of fact. It is up to you to bring it up to the next level. The level of emotional involvement. What you say has to move her in some way. You can have statement of fact conversations for hours and get nowhere. can u give me some examples, of what i should say. examples please
Neptune Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 There are certain "tools" you can use in the dating world that work like magic. Chief among them are humor and flirting skills. The problem is the guy having a tough time getting dates is mostly lacking in these fairly difficult skills for a rookie. That seems to be where the saying fits......some cats got it and some cats don`t. But, you can understand the underlying principle involved. That is you have to focus on converstional skill that makes her feel good. You create pleasant emotional states. That is your goal. Not conversation. But to create a pleasant emotional states. Compliments, finding out what she is interested in and steering the conversation toward that, always being positive about things. Humor and flirting if you can pull it off. Make her feel sensual. It is done with your body language as much as your conversation.
Author joel Posted August 22, 2005 Author Posted August 22, 2005 can u give me exact phrases i am in the college school situtation, i really need help bad. thanks
Neptune Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Exact phrases do not apply. More important is the girl at the moment that you are in contact with her. That is where you have to look at her and notice what comes to mind. There is a point where you intuition must be followed. It`s fine to talk about school and whatever. But, you have to remember to acknowlege her as a woman also. A woman needs that feedback from a man. If she doesn`t get it, she assumes you are not attracted to her. You cannot hide the fact that you are attracted to her. Otherwise, at best, she may think you a friend. That is why I suggested earlier that you give some thought to girls around you that are not attractive. That will much more give you a chance to interact with girls and gain experience. Any skill only comes about through experience, by making mistakes. Remember, some guys just start out at the top of the game. Other guys have to struggle for years to get there. Try to read books on suceeding with women. All of them have at least some insight. Study a lot where you can. There is a lot to be learned here at LS. But most of it here at LS is at a level one step up from where you are now. Let me say that don`t get discouraged at all. Just keep working on interacting with girls and studying to give you insight when you have the time.
battleworn Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Yeah Joel, it's all about learning from mistakes. Which is why approaching a lot of women helps. You make a lot of mistakes, but you learn to see them too. I think you should give online another shot, because you can make a whole lot of mistakes very quickly. If I could go back in time to university knowing what I know now...
Author joel Posted August 22, 2005 Author Posted August 22, 2005 well some of my other converations are like this this situation the students rate the teacher on the instructors performance: me: i gave the teacher like 2 of of 5 in every rating, i don;t like this teacher he sucks and hes a hard teacher, what did u give the teacher rating wise her: hmm i a easy marker so i gave him like 4 out of 5's. yea but his tests are hard that for sure me: omg why did u give him 4, he sucks. oh i now u like him hey, ah why don;t u ask him out-jokin wise yea hey u like him ahhh her: yea he sooo hot-sacrastically stayin it. me: wooo why don;t u just ask him out-teasing and joking with her me: i like our business planning teacher more-easy test, less homework and funny. this teacher sucks i don't like him, i study so hard and i still get a low mark i hate it. her: yea blah blah-not sure what she said. me: u going to a degree after this dilpioma program her-yea i am maybe univ of bc , and how about u me:maybe , degree for me would take forever and anyways i'm 24 by that time i be so old like 26 or 27, if i do i do, i don;t plan things. anyways school for me is boring. her:yea by the time i finish my degree i be like 24-so old yea ok that some pieces of my conversations-advice or what should i have said
shalae204 Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 joel do you ever approach girls outside of school or offline? maybe you could step up your game a little no one likes to talk about all school all the time you know? Or you could even casually make an invite to get a bite to eat if in fact you HAVE to talk about school. just kinda throw it in b'twn talking about how much you hate your instructor or something....wow i can't wait til class is over i gotta get something to eat...did you have breakfast/lunch already? or if you have something in mind hey...do you like such-n-such cuz i was thinkin about goin there to get a bite to eat asking is always better than not asking cuz you never know that chick could be starving n dying to get a snack and i can't speak for all women but i looooove free food try that approach dawg see how it goes
Neptune Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Joel; Shalae is steering you in the right direction. Just talking is not enough, you have to be going somewhere with your conversation. Have a plan. That last conversation you quoted if you will notice is still negative. You have to learn when you are coming across that way and change. Also, you have not focused on her at all. You are just talking about school.
battleworn Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 I can't believe I'm giving advice on how to talk to women, but try some more upbeat stuff: her-yea i am maybe univ of bc , and how about u me:I would love to go to UBC. They have a great campus, and the dorm life rocks in first year. Like everyone is saying, keep it positive. Commiserating about tough classes seems like a good idea, but unless you've got some good funny material it's a downer. her: yea he sooo hot-sacrastically stayin it. me: You should ask him out. Oh that would make his day. Maybe he'd ease up on the rest of us. Subtle compliment inserted. Nothing too forward like "You've got a hot bod, so the blood would rush from his brain and we'd be getting A's all around". You may be thinking it, but it's gotta come out a little more nuanced until you know her better. Keep in mind, I'm pulling this stuff out of thin air, I'm a relatively old fart at 32, and it's easy to pick apart after the fact. But that's why you need some practice.
Author joel Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by shalae204 joel do you ever approach girls outside of school or offline? maybe you could step up your game a little no one likes to talk about all school all the time you know? Or you could even casually make an invite to get a bite to eat if in fact you HAVE to talk about school. just kinda throw it in b'twn talking about how much you hate your instructor or something....wow i can't wait til class is over i gotta get something to eat...did you have breakfast/lunch already? or if you have something in mind hey...do you like such-n-such cuz i was thinkin about goin there to get a bite to eat asking is always better than not asking cuz you never know that chick could be starving n dying to get a snack and i can't speak for all women but i looooove free food try that approach dawg see how it goes no i don;t apporach outside of school and online well i have chatted with girls but never met up with any-as they didn;t want to meet up with me , got some excuse or what not. not into clubbing or bars-don;t drink or hardly do and don't have any freinds to go with who do. i'm too much of a introvert at least approaching in school u have something to relate to-homework, subjects what not and from there u just chat it up.
Author joel Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 it might also be a social issue-everyone in college-since it is a small college tend to have their own soical group of freinds they talk with in the cafertia-i eat my lunch on the bench by myself. ppl have thier own group and freinds when ur a loner or belong to no group -if a girl dates u her freind may think she is dating a guy below her or like why are u dating or hang with him. converstion could be like this me:hi jen what did u do on the weekend her:watch movie me-which one her-skelton key me-who did u go with her-freinds me-i say ah freinds or a bf hehehe ahah----what do u think of this line her-firends -smiles me:movies are expenisve hey not worth it her-its reasonable finishe converation this occuring outside of class as we are waiting for the other class to leave as our class is to start. what ya guys think
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