Katluv514 Posted November 16, 2017 Posted November 16, 2017 Long story short. My boyfriend (26) (im 23) is moving back to his home country this coming January so we decided to break up since it'll hurt too much towards the end. His wasn't planned out when we first got together and he just signed a year lease on his place. He's moving back because of family and once he's there he's going to have to take care of them. In the beginning of the relationship I was more reserved but now I'm super emotional knowing that he'll be leaving. In reverse, he was really sensitive and needy in the beginning but totally cold now. He says he still loves me but knowing that we can't continue what we have in his mind he just can't express how he feels like before because he says it doesn't change anything. He says he doesn't want our relationship to continue and just have him leave last minute which is what I don't want either because I know it'll kill me. Since he's moving back and still has time here he says he's gonna go out and have fun, insinuating that he might even hook up with other girls. I told him that I know I can't tell him what to do but it breaks my heart knowing that he might bring girls over to the apartment that I helped find with him. I was practically living with him there and saw him every day. It especially hurts because I feel like our relationship didn't end because we wanted to but because of the inevitable. He said he wanted to keep seeing me and just to be with me but the last time we got intimate it was too difficult and he got emotional and I did the same so it didn't work. Should I be even sad over it? He's taking this so much easier than I am and even telling me that about him going out. I don't like the idea of him kissing or being with someone else so soon because he was the first man I felt like I've ever made love to (corny I know) which he knows.
HumanMachine Posted November 16, 2017 Posted November 16, 2017 He sounds like he checked out a while ago. Whilst ldr are tough they are not impossible, if two people truly love each other they’ll make it work. I’d cut contact with him right away, you don’t want to do the heartbreaking goodbye just before he goes home. All the best.
Author Katluv514 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Posted November 16, 2017 He sounds like he checked out a while ago. Whilst ldr are tough they are not impossible, if two people truly love each other they’ll make it work. I’d cut contact with him right away, you don’t want to do the heartbreaking goodbye just before he goes home. All the best. We were literally still in the honeymoon phase but his daughter just moved back to his country with the ex and he realized he can't be so far from her. He thought it would be fine but he couldn't take it. I feel like he checked out because he knows we can't continue and honestly. I have feelings for him but long distance is just excruciating to me.
Author Katluv514 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Posted November 16, 2017 I meant cold now that we're broken up.
HumanMachine Posted November 16, 2017 Posted November 16, 2017 We were literally still in the honeymoon phase but his daughter just moved back to his country with the ex and he realized he can't be so far from her. He thought it would be fine but he couldn't take it. I feel like he checked out because he knows we can't continue and honestly. I have feelings for him but long distance is just excruciating to me. Let’s not forget the fact that he mentioned that he would be “having fun” when he goes back home. Again; whilst the circumstances suck he could still remain loyal to you until those circumstances changed, if he loved you of course.
Author Katluv514 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Posted November 16, 2017 Let’s not forget the fact that he mentioned that he would be “having fun” when he goes back home. Again; whilst the circumstances suck he could still remain loyal to you until those circumstances changed, if he loved you of course. Before he goes back home yes. And I know right?! I don't understand it. I mean I've read articles and forums where men would just hook up with other people right after but then sulk later. I don't know, for me I can't imagine wanting to get close to anyone in that way right now.
HumanMachine Posted November 16, 2017 Posted November 16, 2017 Before he goes back home yes. And I know right?! I don't understand it. I mean I've read articles and forums where men would just hook up with other people right after but then sulk later. I don't know, for me I can't imagine wanting to get close to anyone in that way right now. We all handle breakups differently, regardless of sex. I am a male and I need to heal myself before hooking up/being with anyone else, my ex on the other hand had to be with someone within a week to ‘get over’ me.
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2017 Posted November 16, 2017 Your end it is all a big love story and the fates have intervened and it is all a big tragedy. His end, his "ex" and his daughter are going home and so he has to follow them back to his country. In the meantime he wants to make the most of his freedom, and sow some wild oats, so he needs to get rid of the temporary gf to do that... Are you even sure she is still his ex? At 23 you got mixed up with a man with a whole pile of baggage and it is no surprise that it is you who got hurt. Stay away from men with complicated stories in the future, you are 23 not 43, there will be plenty men with no real baggage for you to choose from. 1
Author Katluv514 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Posted November 16, 2017 Your end it is all a big love story and the fates have intervened and it is all a big tragedy. His end, his "ex" and his daughter are going home and so he has to follow them back to his country. In the meantime he wants to make the most of his freedom, and sow some wild oats, so he needs to get rid of the temporary gf to do that... Are you even sure she is still his ex? At 23 you got mixed up with a man with a whole pile of baggage and it is no surprise that it is you who got hurt. Stay away from men with complicated stories in the future, you are 23 not 43, there will be plenty men with no real baggage for you to choose from. They moved back 2 months ago and everything was fine, he says he wants to stay to study and work on a whole other career move plus he found another apartment and signed another lease so I didn't have a reason to believe he would move. I could tell though that he was sad every time he talked about his kid and he says he just has to be near her and of course I know how important that is. When I found out the kid was moving I told him he should in the very beginning but he said it would be fine and he wanted to learn a new trade to make a better life for himself and her. He said he really did see us lasting and wanted us to see each other up until the move initially but being crazy emotional me we knew it wouldn't work and he realized it wouldn't work for him either. And yeah it's prob his last chance of freedom before having to move back to the country that's smaller and a bit more conservative/religious. I would hope so, the papers were filed on both ends and he told his family about the split when it happened. If she wasn't an ex I don't think she would be cool with him staying in the US just by himself and I've been with him everyday and he never had any mysterious phone calls. I know that's exactly what my mother told me and she's right too. Thanks for your input!
PegNosePete Posted November 16, 2017 Posted November 16, 2017 Should I be even sad over it? Your feelings are your feelings. Whether you "should" have them or not won't change them. The fact is that you are sad about it, and that is totally understandable, it is a breakup. But he's really rubbing salt into the wounds here. Telling you that he is going to sleep with other women is totally unnecessary, selfish, and hurtful to you. Total douche behaviour. You should quit talking to him. It will only result in more pain for you.
Author Katluv514 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Posted November 16, 2017 Your feelings are your feelings. Whether you "should" have them or not won't change them. The fact is that you are sad about it, and that is totally understandable, it is a breakup. But he's really rubbing salt into the wounds here. Telling you that he is going to sleep with other women is totally unnecessary, selfish, and hurtful to you. Total douche behaviour. You should quit talking to him. It will only result in more pain for you. Ugh thank you!!! I was literally sobbing when he told me this. He even said I was being childish and selfish because we're not together anymore. But it's like wtf, this guy def didn't love me then....freaking crazy. 1
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