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Mixed signals and confusion after second date


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Posted

I met this girl recently via OLD. We went on two short dates one on Sunday and a second on Tuesday. I have a great impression of her so far but the second date ended with no kiss(there was no first date kiss either). The first date was for drinks. The second for dinner, both were relatively quick about 1.5 hours. At the end of the date, she said we should get together again after Thanksgiving since she was going out of town to visit family( also why I tried to squeeze a second date in before she left). However, we live in adjacent neighborhoods but would be walking in different directions from the restaurant. My original thought was to walk her home, build some physical intimacy, then have a more private parting of ways. However, she declined my offer to walk her home. I then found myself on a very busy street corner with us both holding boxes of food. The date ended with a hug, even though I wanted there to be a kiss.

 

After frustratingly walking home, I texted her to see if she made it home alright. We exchanged a few more texts about the evening. This all happened with bad timing as I won’t have another chance to see her for nearly two weeks.

 

I’m not sure what to do here. Two dates without a kiss seems like a bad sign but she has also been very direct in her actions and words to see me. I find big gaps in the early dating process to be very difficult to overcome. Ultimately, strange things happen with dating. Should I try to maintain communication with her while she is out of town via text? Any thoughts? Would you go on a third date with no kiss on the second date?

Posted
I met this girl recently via OLD. We went on two short dates one on Sunday and a second on Tuesday. I have a great impression of her so far but the second date ended with no kiss(there was no first date kiss either). The first date was for drinks. The second for dinner, both were relatively quick about 1.5 hours. At the end of the date, she said we should get together again after Thanksgiving since she was going out of town to visit family( also why I tried to squeeze a second date in before she left). However, we live in adjacent neighborhoods but would be walking in different directions from the restaurant. My original thought was to walk her home, build some physical intimacy, then have a more private parting of ways. However, she declined my offer to walk her home. I then found myself on a very busy street corner with us both holding boxes of food. The date ended with a hug, even though I wanted there to be a kiss.

 

After frustratingly walking home, I texted her to see if she made it home alright. We exchanged a few more texts about the evening. This all happened with bad timing as I won’t have another chance to see her for nearly two weeks.

 

I’m not sure what to do here. Two dates without a kiss seems like a bad sign but she has also been very direct in her actions and words to see me. I find big gaps in the early dating process to be very difficult to overcome. Ultimately, strange things happen with dating. Should I try to maintain communication with her while she is out of town via text? Any thoughts? Would you go on a third date with no kiss on the second date?

 

The first time you met wasn't really a date since you just met, so you've really only had one date, no kiss.

No big deal.

Even if it was two real dates, I'd still say NBD.

 

Have you expressed your attraction to her in other ways (eg. flirting, compliments)?

That could keep the momentum going for the next couple of weeks.

Posted

If it wasn't exciting and romantic with lots of laughing, touching, smiling, giggling, real connecting, then no you don't move in for a kiss. Ask her out on another date. If you don't get an absolute YES, then she's not interested.

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Posted

I’m not sure what to do here.

 

she declined your offer to walk her home. that is a VERY bad sign. move on to the next girl

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Posted (edited)
she declined your offer to walk her home. that is a VERY bad sign. move on to the next girl

 

I disagree, it's not a bad sign at all. No way would I have a man who I just met (or on a second date) walk me home. For me, declining that would not be a sign of disinterest at all, it means I have common sense and am mindful of my personal safety.

 

I also think it is no big deal that there was no kiss and wouldn't read that much into it, it is the pace she is setting and that is okay.

 

Dating around holidays means there may be delays in getting together. If you are compatible and there is actual potential, a delay in and of itself will not cause things to not progress. I would try to take the delay in stride and see whether she seems interested in future dates, if you are indeed truly interested in her.

Edited by greymatter
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Posted

The main issue for me is not the lack of a kiss, but the fact that she essentially put you off until after Thanksgiving. That's a long time from now. Is she really busy all the way up until she leaves town in a week?

Posted

Don't over think this. She is open to another date when she is back, keep in touch and see what happens then.

 

My boyfriend and I didn't kiss till our 4th date. It certainly wasn't from lack of interest, things just didn't seem conducive to a kiss where we left each other on our first 3 dates. We both really liked each other and were very nervous. It went very well and fast after that.

 

The thing is it's impossible to know how she feels about this now. But in 2 weeks you will get your answer. It's not that long. Just be cool, keep in touch and see how things go. Don't overly invest at this point.

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Posted
Don't over think this. She is open to another date when she is back, keep in touch and see what happens then.

 

My boyfriend and I didn't kiss till our 4th date. It certainly wasn't from lack of interest, things just didn't seem conducive to a kiss where we left each other on our first 3 dates. We both really liked each other and were very nervous. It went very well and fast after that.

 

The thing is it's impossible to know how she feels about this now. But in 2 weeks you will get your answer. It's not that long. Just be cool, keep in touch and see how things go. Don't overly invest at this point.

 

Thank you for sharing! I feel a bit better about the situation now. In terms of keeping in touch, how often should I do so? I don’t want to seem intrusive.

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Posted
The main issue for me is not the lack of a kiss, but the fact that she essentially put you off until after Thanksgiving. That's a long time from now. Is she really busy all the way up until she leaves town in a week?

 

She is taking the whole week off and leaving Friday. We already met up twice, which I thought was pretty good for only knowing her a few days. Her family doesn’t live locally and it sounds like they had lots of interesting plans.

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Posted

It depends on how much you communicate now. If she is a fairly big texter then I'd say at least once a day. If she's not then touch base every few days probably not leaving it more than 4 days. But just see how it goes and take cues from her responses and if she initiates etc.

 

Doesn't need to be anything amazing. But just keep it positive and maybe ask about setting up the next date before she gets back so you have a concrete time etc.

 

Hope it works out for you!

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Posted
Ask her out on another date. If you don't get an absolute YES, then she's not interested.

 

You’re right, that’s the only thing that matters. How often should I text her just to make sure she knows I’m interested?

Posted
She is taking the whole week off and leaving Friday. We already met up twice, which I thought was pretty good for only knowing her a few days. Her family doesn’t live locally and it sounds like they had lots of interesting plans.

 

Gotcha. I didn't realize she was leaving so soon.

Posted
You’re right, that’s the only thing that matters. How often should I text her just to make sure she knows I’m interested?

You just have to tell her you would like to see her again...that is how she will know.

Posted
she declined your offer to walk her home. that is a VERY bad sign. move on to the next girl

 

I agree.

 

I would rather be walked home than to walk home in the dark by myself...

 

She felt comfortable enough with you to see you twice.

 

It just doesn't seem she is sufficiently interested... I mean, T'giving is next week, not this weekend. She's putting you off for 2 weekends, so that means she's really not excited about you.

 

I wouldn't bother following up with her.

  • Author
Posted
It depends on how much you communicate now. If she is a fairly big texter then I'd say at least once a day. If she's not then touch base every few days probably not leaving it more than 4 days. But just see how it goes and take cues from her responses and if she initiates etc.

 

Doesn't need to be anything amazing. But just keep it positive and maybe ask about setting up the next date before she gets back so you have a concrete time etc.

 

Hope it works out for you!

 

Thanks! I always overthink texting women, partially because I’m not a huge texter myself. We only chatted for maybe 3 hours, it takes a while to figure a person’s sense of humor sometimes.

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Posted
If it wasn't exciting and romantic with lots of laughing, touching, smiling, giggling, real connecting, then no you don't move in for a kiss. Ask her out on another date. If you don't get an absolute YES, then she's not interested.

 

Sitting across at a dinner is kind of difficult to initiate the touching aspect of things. What are some good activities to help enable touching for a third date?

Posted
Sitting across at a dinner is kind of difficult to initiate the touching aspect of things. What are some good activities to help enable touching for a third date?

 

The most basic activity - a walk AFTER dinner, where you take her hand.

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