do you love and hate your spouse at the same time?

[candy candy candy]

do you ever love and hate your spouse at the same time? i do with ricky..(my fiance) sometimes i get so irritated with him i hate him, i literally feel that feeling in my body and this .am. he was being kind of a jerk and then he changes back to being ok again and i hate that even more then anything cause i cant bend that way, back and forth like that, you know?

 

so when he acts like a jerk my guard fliles up and stays there till i am ready to let it go down and that may take a while but he goes up and down like that and i stay guarded for his next jerk move and it puts this barrier between us but not sure he feels it, but when this a.m. he went to put his arms around me after we had a small bicker about something or another i think it was vinces (my grand son) bubbles that he spilled and i knew he spilled them on the counter and i was going to clean it up as soon as i rinsed off the pan and then i was going to use that wash rag but he thought i was just blowing it off and got pissed about it then when he went to hug me later i was still peeved that he thought i would just leave it there and not even care and i literally wanted to shove his ass away from me and not even let him touch me and i can feel this anger in me and it worries me that it means i dont really love him or something....i feel this anger when we bicker and he says things to me but not otherwise but at times i just dont know what i feel and so i wont ever marry him till i can get my own i ssues resolved...but does this mean idont love him? if i feel such hate and anger towards him when i get mad at him cause he is mad at me?

[sburtug03]

I don't want to use an old cliche but cliches are cliche for a reason, because they are so right: 'There is a fine line between love and hate.' You have this problem. You feel so strongly towards your partner in the love department that when it comes to something you are unhappy about, you have to hate him. Love has made all your feelings so magnified, which it always does. The problem here is not that you hate him, this is just a reflection of the passion you share, but what you are unhappy about. Find out what it is that starts this deep emotion of hate and sort it out! This may mean discussing it with your partner but you should be willing to do this in order to enjoy being in love rather than hating it! x

[elijahBailey]

Originally posted by sburtug03

I don't want to use an old cliche but cliches are cliche for a reason, because they are so right: 'There is a fine line between love and hate.'

 

yup!

[Outcast]

It's a bit much to 'hate' someone over such a small thing. I think the saying that applies better to this situation is 'don't sweat the small stuff'.

[Blackfrost]

From time to time: yes

[NYCmitch25]

Originally posted by candy candy candy

do you ever love and hate your spouse at the same time? i do with ricky..(my fiance) sometimes i get so irritated with him i hate him, i literally feel that feeling in my body and this .am. he was being kind of a jerk and then he changes back to being ok again and i hate that even more then anything cause i cant bend that way, back and forth like that, you know?

 

so when he acts like a jerk my guard fliles up and stays there till i am ready to let it go down and that may take a while but he goes up and down like that and i stay guarded for his next jerk move and it puts this barrier between us but not sure he feels it, but when this a.m. he went to put his arms around me after we had a small bicker about something or another i think it was vinces (my grand son) bubbles that he spilled and i knew he spilled them on the counter and i was going to clean it up as soon as i rinsed off the pan and then i was going to use that wash rag but he thought i was just blowing it off and got pissed about it then when he went to hug me later i was still peeved that he thought i would just leave it there and not even care and i literally wanted to shove his ass away from me and not even let him touch me and i can feel this anger in me and it worries me that it means i dont really love him or something....i feel this anger when we bicker and he says things to me but not otherwise but at times i just dont know what i feel and so i wont ever marry him till i can get my own i ssues resolved...but does this mean idont love him? if i feel such hate and anger towards him when i get mad at him cause he is mad at me?

 

YES! Sometimes she is just irrationally mad at me, and for no good reason. It really burns me up when she says hurtful things when I don't deserve it since there are so many times that I do deserve it!

 

Honestly, working on communication skills will help in a lot of ways. I would read up on some real experts advice and incorporate them sooner than later. Also, what you think you might know or are doing right, isn't at all. For example, my wife tells me that we should talk more and all that jazz, obvious right, however, she punishes me for my feelings about something or doesn't allow for it to be dialogue. In essense, she is telling me to "tell all" but the she is surely not going to respect it when she disagrees. Of course I'm not perfect, and I have my own faults too. Anyway, you guys are getting married soon, it will be VERY stressful and the 1st year of marriage will have a lot of fighting in it, but trust me, it gets better.. I have 1.5 years down, 23.5 more to go barring good behavior..

 

 

ps. I wonder what you mean by "when he is being a jerk", does he know it, is it fair to call him a jerk for this action, etc. ?