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Broke up after a short term relationship and having difficulty moving on

a_man_repellent

By a_man_repellent
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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a_man_repellent New Member

a_man_repellent

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I had an exciting 3 month relationship with this guy I was seeing (we met online), however it all came crashing down when I discovered he was actively using his dating app while he was away on vacation. I confronted him about it because it was his idea in the first place to be exclusive and to delete the apps off our phones. The topic of defining our relationship was brought up - I wanted to be in a relationship as we were at this point just dating, however in the end he decided against it. He broke things off through text, saying things like "I don't want to have to answer to anyone right now" "It's not that I don't want to commit to you, but because of uncertainties in my career I don't think I am ready to be in a relationship right now." He has always been insecure about his job from the very beginning when we started talking online and would mention it sometimes when we were out dating. I just feel like he made the decision to end things just to avoid confrontation because he made it very clear to me numerous times he was into me and wanted to move things forward, but that was all before discovering the active profile. He insisted we be friends all that stuff and stay in contact because he does not want to lose me and he even made a subtle hint he wanted to be FWB! For about a month after we broke up we have been in low contact and at this point I started to miss him so I attempted to plan out a time with him just to catch up - telling him things like I understand the boundaries etc. But he made excuse after excuse he could not make it to any of my plans - saying things like "I'll let you know" and flaking out last minute. He would say things like "I miss you too, if I don't want to hang out with you I'll let you know right away." Eventually, I decided to reach out for the third and final time to which he responded with again "I'll let you know" only this time he never did follow up on it and ignored me when I asked if the tea helped when he used the sore throat excuse to avoid plans.

 

I am now 3 weeks NC and I am having trouble moving on. His birthday is coming up too and I thought about breaking it just to simply greet him and see how he'd react, but I feel like I shouldn't...

 

Will he eventually reach out? I feel like he kind of left the door ajar. I tried dating again but I still think about him...

 

Any advise or feedback would be great :(

Edited by a_man_repellent
Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted

He is not interested at all. It's obvious. Best case scenario would be the FWB situation, and it doesn't even seem he's into that.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

I don't think he's going to reach out, no.

 

And that's a good thing, because he is very clearly not looking for the same things you are. Don't bother reaching out on his birthday, because really, what will that achieve? If he does meet up with you, it will likely just be for a roll in the sheets and then he'll drop off the radar (given that he previously hinted a FWB)

 

His actions are not those of a man who wants to keep in touch with you. You would be much better to let this one go and not contact him anymore.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Best case scenario would be the FWB situation.

 

Best case for who?

The OP is obviously emotionally involved and a FWB arrangement would be a complete disaster for her.

 

The OP already made it clear she did not want to be a FWB when he hinted at it.

 

OP, forget him, do not contact him, he is not into you in the way you want him to be.

DO NOT agree to a FWB out of desperation, few if any can make a relationship out of a FWB situation and you have already dated, so it would never work out in your favour.

Captivating Established Member

Captivating

Posted
Posted

Do NOT run after anybody, no need for bday greeting.

You kept on re-appearing, putting up with his behavior and the way he talked to you.

He might have taken this as a lack of self-esteem/ self-respect.

No you are not a man repellent !!! ... but you need to sort yourself out before the next relationship. Establish boundaries and standards that you go by in a relationship.

Look into that self-esteem issue, things can be resolved.

 

FBW .... using your body for a quick release... not a classy term.

Move on, find a man who respects you and truly cares for you.

I know it's hard to move on, not everybody is compatible, it takes some time to find a good match.

  • Like 2
Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted
Best case for who?

The OP is obviously emotionally involved and a FWB arrangement would be a complete disaster for her.

 

The OP already made it clear she did not want to be a FWB when he hinted at it.

 

OP, forget him, do not contact him, he is not into you in the way you want him to be.

DO NOT agree to a FWB out of desperation, few if any can make a relationship out of a FWB situation and you have already dated, so it would never work out in your favour.

 

I wasn't saying it would be beneficial for her, I was saying that it sounds like the guy, by stringing her along, is interested in a FWB at best.

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a_man_repellent New Member

a_man_repellent

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Thanks for all the feedback and advice guys!

I am not contacting him and finally deleted his number off my phone! :cool:

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