Venting, why did he pop up 5 weeks after NC? [UPDATE]

[newlife17]

Needing to vent. I had to kick my boyfriend out 6 months ago. Found out he had gotten into drugs, disappearing, taking advantage of me, playing games. I kept telling him this isn't working. Kept putting me on hold. I am a mess right now because of xx(tragedies). Please be patient with me.

 

Finally got tired of it. He wouldn't leave on his own. I even offered to get him to someplace to live(family out of town), so he wouldn't be homeless. I knew him 6 years prior to getting involved with him. Never saw this coming. He seemed to have it all together.

 

I had to legally kick him out, had enough. He moved back to his home state to live with family until he got on his feet to move back to this state(where I am). Of course he apologized over and over, admitted to everybody it was his fault our relationship fell apart and it was wrong of him.

 

He kept begging me back apologizing over and over to let him come back home, things would be different, he is done with the drugs, fell apart from a death he was dealing with, he loves me, etc, etc. He will get another job, wants to be the man I deserve and have always wanted, still wants me to be his wife, etc, etc. I told him to come back down here, move in with your church friends, get a job, stay away from the drugs, we can start over slowly. You are not moving back in so fast.

 

Some time goes by and I notice he only calls during the day, doesn't respond at night when he reaches out, etc. I called him up on this a few times. Tells me he isn't seeing nobody up there, pointless if he is moving back down here, hang onto my panties, etc, etc. He still loves me. I even said peace out if your are, all good. Still denied it. In the meantime, I pieced things together he was involved up there. Social media rocks, lol.

 

I did not have anymore contact with him for 5 weeks. I decided I had enough of the bs. In the meantime, I got tired of being ghosted in September, so I unfriended him on fb. I even blocked his numbers on my cell phone too. On the 3rd of November, guess what? He starts blowing up my cell phone for 2 hours. He realized he was blocked! The 1st vm he leaves me was a popular hip hop song " I need you in life" for 5 minutes and another one after that in the same message.

 

The 2nd vm he left was from him. He said Really? Block me on fb, block my numbers, etc etc. I have something to tell you, but you don't want to hear it. All good. You can go on.

 

I finally unblock him to see what is so important. He asked how I was doing. Said he was in town because his daughter was sick and wanted to see me. I saw him. He asked me why I blocked him. I told him I got tired of the games and how he treated me. NO point talking to you anymore. He said he mainly came over to apologize for how he had treated me when we were together, he wishes he never left the house that last time to get high, etc, etc. He regrets all this. He realized now I did him a favor by kicking him out or he would have been dead by now.

 

I didn't say anything about the relationship. I still felt I couldn't trust him because he disappeared when I knew he was involved back where he was living. Playing games. Plus, after all I had been through with him, the park is gone. I do love him but I have to keep moving. I figured at this point, if he really loves me, he would flat out say it and wanted another try, and PROVE IT! Plus, I felt he had me and didn't treat me properly either.

 

He told me how he has been improving his life. Off drugs, he looked great, healthier. Finishes schooling in 8 weeks, he ultimately plans on moving back down here. This is his home! He plans on buying a home here. He said he is doing this for him. I said that is great, you have to of it for YOU! He claims he is not exclusive with anybody. This woman is just an old, old friend, nothing more.

 

He offers to take me to lunch the next day. He plants a kiss on my mouth in the garage. Told me to hang in there. Still hold on to the rest of his belongings he still has here his kids never came back for(pictures, sentimental things, etc) . Needless to say, he stood me up for lunch!

I sent him a message saying to stay out of my life permanently. You had no business doing what you just did. Why did you leave me that hip hop song just to apologize? Buzz off! No more contact. I also said if you want any of these belongings, come by and get what you want before you go home. He never did. Sad I have to throw all of that out, made me sick to my stomach. Kids growing up pictures, family, a lot of sentimental things. -

 

What does he do an hour later when he read it? He calls and hangs up! I texted him, what do you want from me? ENOUGH!

 

When I saw him the night before, he told me how he was supposed to go on a cruise to Europe but it fell through. ( I knew this from that woman's fb page-public0 she announced it but not with him). She obviously was going to pay for it. He does not have that kind of money to do so. Glad this blew up on him and daughter got sick. This put things into light all the more.

 

The night he flies to go back home, I looked on their fb pages. This woman tagged him in a post how she misses her honey with his name in it. On her wall, she posted saying since her beautiful partner for life couldn't make it". 2 hours later, all of these posts were deleted from their walls. I was like wth? If they are in a relationship, why would they delete them?

 

On Monday, he made a post how he is blessed with so much love, When you lose one in life and to have it replaced or in this case kept alive for years just to grow stronger than ever. Man I cant explain it. It lets you remember how favored you are. Men don't get emotionally disconnected.

 

Why did he call me, leaving me those songs, pop in my life again, if he is involved? Why lie? Did he still have feelings for me and thought maybe by seeing each other when he was in town, that would make his decision who he wanted to be with? I wasn't ready for him to move back in like that.

 

Obviously, he has been playing me. Maybe that woman too. Why would those posts go down? I have a feeling he just "popped in" to se how I was doing, thinking he can still have me when he moves back home, lol. NOT! And he is using his friend for companionship until he moves back here.

When I saw those posts, I sent him a message saying now that the cat is out of the bag, what was the point leaving me that song on my vm to only apologize? All good. You wondered why I was on the fence with my feelings about you after you left because of how you treated me. But all good! Life is great! Peace out buddy!

 

Of course, he hasn't replied to this one either. I have noticed ever since he came down here and those posts disappeared on their walls, etc, he has bene chatting with his pastor here where I am at(where he attended). He hasn't talked to him in a long time!

 

I am focusing on me and my life now. Still moving. I turned off all my notifications for him so I won't be bothered anymore if he should pop up again.

 

He doesn't love this woman or me. If he truly loved her, he would not have contacted me. He apologized months ago. He would have disclosed being with her now 2 months ago when I called him up on things. He would have admitted it to me last week when I asked him.

 

I hope he doesn't reach out again. I am not replying to anything if he should.

I think he is using her too until he moves back here. Have her.

[newlife17]

Why contact me 5 weeks later only to play games again?

[newlife17]

Why contact me to play games?

[d0nnivain]

Because you answered. He already made the bad decision to take drugs. You think he's going to make healthy well intentioned decisions about you.

 

 

You are done with him. Be done . Block him. Move forward. Heal

[newlife17]

Ex reached out again. This time he said just so you know, I do miss you. Keeps trying to fish what I am doing in my life, if I have a new boyfriend, who I hang out with, etc. I told him I am enjoying life, talk to people, etc. He said let me help you find a new boyfriend, lol. How's the family doing, my son?

 

When he "checks in", he tells me improvements and things he is doing with his life. He said he is coming to town in a few months. He didn't answer why(to see me)

 

He said he still looks at my pictures, he wanted to call me so he can hear my voice. I then asked him if he is not happy? He said he is happy but he still has all those attachments and a big part of me is still with him. If he is happy, why keep trying to connect with me?

 

He called me and he said he is not confused. He misses our friendship, conversations, our road trips I surprised him with, etc. Before the conversation ended, he called me baby and said he got lost driving because I distracted him.

 

Long story short, I kicked him out last May. He moved back home out of state to get his head together, be with family. He begged me back for 2 months straight, I told him my stipulations to to work things out.

He starts drifting and becoming distant but still kept saying I love you miss you like crazy, I am coming home before winter gets here. I have to work to save money. I suspected he was getting involved with another woman up there, an old friend of his he dated 35 years ago.

 

He denied he was talking to anybody 2 different times, so I started NC. 5 weeks goes by, and he pops up. He came to town to visit his daughter. Said the reason he wanted to see me was mainly to apologize for how he treated me. He had ulterior motive of course(long story). He denied he was exclusive with this woman I suspected. This woman has a public fb profile so I was able to see things since September. She never directly mentioned him or tagged him in anything until Halloween, right before his visit in November. This is how I knew he was lying. He has a public fb profile as well but never posted anything about her until after his trip.

 

After his visit in November and it all came out he IS involved with her, I told him not to contact me anymore. You lied, etc. You have her now. We are done!

 

Middle of December rolls around. Guess what? He does things for a week to get a response. I finally replied and gave him one, lol. I asked him if she knows you are doing this. He gave me an excuse why he was reaching out to me when I called him up on this. I told him honesty goes a long ways. It dont matter anymore. He said right lets be cool, past is past. I went off on him last month and thought that would be the end of hearing from him finally.

 

Looking back now, it appears he got himself in a rebound relationship with this woman. He probably was not in a relationship with her in September but he was involved with her. Moving her direction. Still is.

 

So why does he keep reaching for me if he IS truly happy and IN love with her? You wouldn't or keep the conversation light and short. He wouldn't keep doing what he is doing. I even told him this last time we talked. I am not playing games, I am not getting caught up in some love triangle. I am not your emotional support anymore.

 

So what is he hoping for by coming out saying what he did this week and plans a trip here to town in a few months? HIs younger daughter still lives here where I am at. It obviously is not an emergency like November or a wedding, lol. I even told him I want to put this behind me and forget about it. He didn't like that comment and said to shut it my nickname.

 

I am going to clear the air with him. No reason for this.

[Zahara]

I hate to be harsh but he reaches out to you because he knows you're available and willing to tolerate BS.

 

The man has treated you like garbage -- why do you still take his calls?

 

Rather than question his dysfunction, what's more baffling is the fact that you still put up with this nonsense. Best to focus on your own behavior. Are you looking to get back with him again, if the possibility arose? That would be a huge mistake.

[stillafool]

Since you know he has another woman why haven't you blocked him from contacting you so you won't have to wonder why he continues to contact you? We don't know his thoughts and neither do you. You can only control your own thoughts and actions.