He left me 4 weeks ago, I run his business. .

[mng]

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST, I REALLY NEEDED TO LET IT ALL OUT.

 

Hi, I am a woman 27 y/o.

My boyfriend (11 years older than me) left me aprox 1 month ago. We were together for 8 months.

Basically the main reason of the breakup according to him was the constant arguments that were taking place several times a week.

He asked me for “Time” to firgure himself out since he was feeling physically and mentally sick because of our arguments.

He said he has never gone through something like this before and he needed to stop it before he looses his job because he is not focusing anymore.

He said once he firgures himself out he will talk to me about it but right now he needs his space.

 

The story:

We met in a foreign country and clicked right away. His work schedule is a bit complicated, he used to work 14 days non stop and then he would get 1 week off.

We spent all of his free days together always traveling around.

We live in separate countries but to be honest, It never felt like a big deal since I would spend at least 15 days in a row with him every month. I used to travel to see him before his free days and hang out a lot and he used to come see me on the following month.

I was able to do this by the nature of my job.

He owns businesses in my home country and after being together for 5 months he made plans of moving in my country.

I helped him out with his residence process and by now he's got his Resident Visa (I took him to my lawyer, helped him with all the paperwork.. basically I arranged everything for him) .

I have never felt so loved by any person before but at the same time he was that weird type of person who won't say "I love you" or anything cute to me in a regular basis, however he showed his caring with actions, trust and respect... at least that's what I thought.

 

This part is so you can understand why some of the fights started:

The first time he came to my country after we met, he introduced me to his family (by the way, his mother lives in my home country).

He used to live with his bf (a girl / roommate) and told me she was like his sister.

The day I met her i was very excited and even brought her a gift, to me it was important to get to know this person. The reaction I got from her was pretty rude, and she acted weird during all the days we spent in the same place.

To me it was more like she was into him because I couldn't understand her weird behavior.

After this, I decided to talk to him about it and he went a bit mad at her and actually told her she wasn't being nice and that was not fair to me and to him at all, and she apologized saying she was going through some personal problems.

Anyways, few weeks after his mom decides to visit me because she wanted to talk to me about this girl. She was very worried about me arguing with her son about his best friend and tried to make it clear to me that he has never been attracted to her and that they have never ever had anything besides a brother/ sister relationship.

Yes, it was weird but I believed her then and I still do. However it was difficult for me as a woman, to deal with all this since the first time I met this girl it wasn't nice at all.

I argued with him several times over this topic and I honestly think this made me an insecure woman.

Gotta add in here, that I decided to stop all the arguments by talking to her and telling her how I felt when we met, and she apologized as well and said the same thing (that she was going through some personal issues).

He got transferred from work and moved away (they are no longer roommates since almost 6 months ago)

My relationship with this girl was fine at that point, we started texting here and there and I have always been really nice to her.

So, that being explained.. I was making a huge effort to understand his life and i have always been there to help him.

 

 

Problems I am dealing with the past 3 months:

- I have two family members left, and one of them is very sick. I saw his mental heatlh deteriorating pretty fast this year to the point I had to deal with a lot of emotions and I still am. I have no words to explain how bad I feel with this situation.

 

- Projects/work/ money

I have so much weight over my shoulders because I really wanted him to be able to move in my country as soon as possible, and this made me put a lot of pressure on him as well.

 

 

Now going back again:

He opened up and asked me for help with some legal stuff in my country and i figured out that the people he was working with were stealing from him, so I made him an appointment to see my lawyers and get everything done properly.

He started asking me for some other stuff and, by the nature of my job at that point I had the time to help him out.

To make the story short, I ended up building an entire project that is (im still running it) meant to be our monetary support.

I am the person who does EVERYTHING regarding to that new company I built in my country. He puts the money in with his partner (a male friend) and I run it.

At some point I put cash (couple thousands) from my savings into this to make things “faster” (He paid back every penny) .

This new Company is no joke, it has been adding a lot of stress to my life but at the same time, to me it is a Project I want to take to the next level.

I cannot quit and will not leave everything I have done because of what I am going through, and I hope you can all understand this. I am not a quitter.

We have talked about this like grown ups, and I will remain in charge of the Company but I’ll deal with his partner until we can figure our stuff out.

 

This wasn’t our only Project, we were planning a lot since he was moving into my country soon.

I was really commited to my new job with him because I wanted him to be able to quit his job in his country and that was only going to be possible when the Company i am running here starts making enough profit (according to me) .

 

He is opening another Company here (on his own) in order to be able to produce an income faster.

 

We had plans for the holidays, he is coming in December, couple of his Friends including her, and his dad.

The day he broke up with me, I went extremely mad at him because at that point I wasn’t sure where he was going to put all these people (Friends) be invited over and I was confused about wheter or not my mom was invited.

He said I was being dumb and I should have assumed we both were invited because I was his gf.

That day I saw my family member who is sick, and I reacted that way towards my boyfriend.

That wasn’t the first time, that has been happening for the past 3 months constantly so I am feeling like a guilty bag of ****, but at the same time I am so dissapointed because he doesn’t wants to talk about it.

Now he is still coming in December, and I am not invited of course.

I have no idea what Im going to do during the holidays knowing he is in my country and I am not going to see him.

We will have to see each other in January because he must go to the office and we have an already set up meeting.

I will see him for at least 4 to 5 days in a row and I need to get over this.

I am tired of feeling bad and insecure.

His mother invited me over to spend couple days with her and also invited me to the opening of his new business (he is not going to be here). He knows about all this invitation and he is cool with it but I don’t even think I should go.

Regarding this new business which is opening soon… I am involved as well, purchased some equipment for it… gosh I basically run around all the time to help him and I feel terribleeeeeeee because I miss him.

 

P.S.

More info that is probably relevant:

-He has never been married / no kids

- I have control of his bank accounts and his mom bank account

- I have one of his credit cards he gave me

- He used to do backflips for me, like anything i asked for he will find a way to get it for me.

- He is constantly blaming me of his actual situation (not being able to focus/ feeling overwhelmed ---> signs of depression) He says the arguments lead him into that.

Edited November 14, 2017 by mng

[d0nnivain]

You need to find a way out of his business. After dumping you he's a fool to leave you with that much control over his finances. I am not suggesting that you would steal but from his perspective I wouldn't be comfortable with the temptation especially since you have sick family members. On your side, given the bad personal blood if anything goes wrong you will be the scape goat. I wouldn't appreciate that risk.

[Sweetfish]

How bad were the arguments... its apparent you started them and they went on for weeks.