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Ambiguous behaviour?

AnnaN88

By AnnaN88
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AnnaN88 Established Member

AnnaN88

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About 2 years ago I met a guy that I thought to be the perfect match. There was so much chemistry, mutual interests and understanding, it felt too good to be true. We were never official, but we decided to be " exclusive". Then, out of nowhere he straight up disappeared after 5 months of dating. No communication just a silly messages " I would love to stay friends". I quickly understood that the guy was not as invested as I was and I moved on.

 

Last year, after almost a year of silence, he texted me asking how my life was and he wanted to meet up " to catch up". As silly as it may sound, I was very happy to see him and I realised I was still into him. After the cinema, we texted a bit until he gave me the big news" he got engaged". It came as a shock to me, as I thought that inviting me to the cinema was a way of getting back together. I stopped the communication with him.

 

This summer he texted me again saying that he would love to meet for lunch as we haven't seen each other in ages. He invited me out to talk about his future wedding , he was looking for a wedding location was very happy to share all the details. I was annoyed as again I did not understand why he felt the need to share all this with me, but I wished him well and stopped texting.

 

Yesterday he texted me to let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend ( wedding cancelled) and asked if I was still single and if I wanted to " hang out with him".

 

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)
About 2 years ago I met a guy that I thought to be the perfect match. There was so much chemistry, mutual interests and understanding, it felt too good to be true. We were never official, but we decided to be " exclusive". Then, out of nowhere he straight up disappeared after 5 months of dating. No communication just a silly messages " I would love to stay friends". I quickly understood that the guy was not as invested as I was and I moved on.

 

Last year, after almost a year of silence, he texted me asking how my life was and he wanted to meet up " to catch up". As silly as it may sound, I was very happy to see him and I realised I was still into him. After the cinema, we texted a bit until he gave me the big news" he got engaged". It came as a shock to me, as I thought that inviting me to the cinema was a way of getting back together. I stopped the communication with him.

 

This summer he texted me again saying that he would love to meet for lunch as we haven't seen each other in ages. He invited me out to talk about his future wedding , he was looking for a wedding location was very happy to share all the details. I was annoyed as again I did not understand why he felt the need to share all this with me, but I wished him well and stopped texting.

 

Yesterday he texted me to let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend ( wedding cancelled) and asked if I was still single and if I wanted to " hang out with him".

 

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

 

Ummm.... Probably because you keep responding?

 

I'd hope that his ghosting on you, AND two previous times contacting you would turn you off completely to him. Both extremely insensitive to you AND disrespectful to his fiancee at the time (do you think she has any idea that he was contacting someone he dated previously). The two times he contacted you, either he really wanted to gloat to you about his upcoming wedding and couldn't see why that wasn't cool, OR he was actually casing you out for an affair. Likely both.

 

 

If you block sounds to me that you will have dodged a bullet

Edited by Imajerk17
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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

He keeps reappearing because you've always been available to him no matter his situation. He knows you have no boundaries so he's always going to test the waters to see what he can get from you.

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

I did go back and reread. In all fairness to OP you only met up with him once and then cut him off at least the 2nd time. I hope you cut him off again this 3rd time too.

 

But, yeah. This guy just wants to keep you on the line--after ghosting you nonetheless. In relation to your thread title, his behaviour isn't "ambiguous" after all.

 

And you are still responding too much even if it is only by text. Block go NC.

 

Ummm.... Probably because you keep responding?

 

I'd hope that his ghosting on you, AND two previous times contacting you would turn you off completely to him. Both extremely insensitive to you AND disrespectful to his fiancee at the time (do you think she has any idea that he was contacting someone he dated previously). The two times he contacted you, either he really wanted to gloat to you about his upcoming wedding and couldn't see why that wasn't cool, OR he was actually casing you out for an affair. Likely both.

 

 

If you block sounds to me that you will have dodged a bullet

Edited by Imajerk17
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AnnaN88 Established Member

AnnaN88

Posted
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Posted
He keeps reappearing because you've always been available to him no matter his situation. He knows you have no boundaries so he's always going to test the waters to see what he can get from you.

 

I agree, he is probably testing the waters without any real reason behind. I did not get why he would invite me for lunch to let me know he is getting married ( thing I discovered during the lunch) or to inform about his engagement, all very weird, as I am not part of his life at all.

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AnnaN88 Established Member

AnnaN88

Posted
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I did go back and reread. In all fairness to OP you only met up with him once and then cut him off at least the 2nd time. I hope you cut him off again this 3rd time too.

 

But, yeah. This guy just wants to keep you on the line--after ghosting you nonetheless. In relation to your thread title, his behaviour isn't "ambiguous" after all.

 

And you are still responding too much even if it is only by text. Block go NC.

 

It is all very strange to me. After his last message about " hanging out together" he completely changed his mind saying that " the breakup is too fresh, I need time alone". I think blocking is the only option.

  • Like 1
Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted
About 2 years ago I met a guy that I thought to be the perfect match. There was so much chemistry, mutual interests and understanding, it felt too good to be true. We were never official, but we decided to be " exclusive". Then, out of nowhere he straight up disappeared after 5 months of dating. No communication just a silly messages " I would love to stay friends". I quickly understood that the guy was not as invested as I was and I moved on.

 

Last year, after almost a year of silence, he texted me asking how my life was and he wanted to meet up " to catch up". As silly as it may sound, I was very happy to see him and I realised I was still into him. After the cinema, we texted a bit until he gave me the big news" he got engaged". It came as a shock to me, as I thought that inviting me to the cinema was a way of getting back together. I stopped the communication with him.

 

This summer he texted me again saying that he would love to meet for lunch as we haven't seen each other in ages. He invited me out to talk about his future wedding , he was looking for a wedding location was very happy to share all the details. I was annoyed as again I did not understand why he felt the need to share all this with me, but I wished him well and stopped texting.

 

Yesterday he texted me to let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend ( wedding cancelled) and asked if I was still single and if I wanted to " hang out with him".

 

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

 

Because he wants to get laid again. It's not that complicated.

 

There really isn't a lengthy explanation needed. Except that I would wonder about his behavior, as in if he was seeing somebody other than you during that 5 month period.

 

Block him from contacting you further. He seems to be a bit of an annoyance,depending on his sexual frustration level.

  • Like 2
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
Because he wants to get laid again. It's not that complicated.

 

There really isn't a lengthy explanation needed. Except that I would wonder about his behavior, as in if he was seeing somebody other than you during that 5 month period.

 

Block him from contacting you further. He seems to be a bit of an annoyance,depending on his sexual frustration level.

 

All of this.

 

He's not coming back for the right reasons, OP. Block and him and never look back.

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AnnaN88 Established Member

AnnaN88

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Posted
Because he wants to get laid again. It's not that complicated.

 

There really isn't a lengthy explanation needed. Except that I would wonder about his behavior, as in if he was seeing somebody other than you during that 5 month period.

 

Block him from contacting you further. He seems to be a bit of an annoyance,depending on his sexual frustration level.

 

I think he is a player, but I am still surprised by all these appearing/disappearing acts. Last time we met was very polite, a bit flirty, but overall very respectful. No sex hint or anything. Very opened about his private life, girlfriend, plans. He invited me to the cinema as friends, but I declined. Found it awkward.

 

I am dissapinted in the sense that I had a very good opinion about him while we were dating. I still felt he was a great guy even after he ghosted me, but all his attempts of contact were so weird that made me rethink everything.

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted
I still felt he was a great guy even after he ghosted me, but all his attempts of contact were so weird that made me rethink everything.

 

You need to reframe what you think a great guy is.

Great guys don't disappear after 5 months of dating.

Cobra_X Established Member

Cobra_X

Posted
Posted

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

 

There is a possibility that he wants to be your friend. Maybe you should actually ask him what his intentions are...?? Doesn't that sound like a good solution?

 

I have female friends. Some are attractive women who for one reason or another I just don't click with.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

If you had promptly communicated and asked him crucial questions like why he ghosted, and why in the world he would just show up to "hang out when he was engaged, etc. You wouldn't be here asking us.

 

Anna go ask him.

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AnnaN88 Established Member

AnnaN88

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There is a possibility that he wants to be your friend. Maybe you should actually ask him what his intentions are...?? Doesn't that sound like a good solution?

 

I have female friends. Some are attractive women who for one reason or another I just don't click with.

 

I thought about that, but in this case he wouldn't ask if I was seeing someone, right? He also mentioned that " he is not looking for a relationship right now" :)

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

This is a reappearing ghost. They disappear when they lose interesr or something else piques their interest more. Then one day they're bored so through they go through their contact list and message whoever they ignored before to see who takes the bait(everyone, usually) and then start something up again with them. Rinse, repeat. Have done it.

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AnnaN88 Established Member

AnnaN88

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Posted (edited)
If you had promptly communicated and asked him crucial questions like why he ghosted, and why in the world he would just show up to "hang out when he was engaged, etc. You wouldn't be here asking us.

 

Anna go ask him.

 

It is probably too late to ask him anything, I would appear needy or disparate.

He ghosted just before a long 3 months holiday that he took. He did not even informed me in advance about this holiday, so everything came as a surprise. I assumed that he either met someone else during his travelling or well, he did not want a relationship with me and ghosting was the easiest way.

I was upset but accepted his decision and moved on.

When he contacted me again, almost a year later, I was less upset about everything so I did not ask. I was just surprised to hear from him. And happy to see him.

What was funny was that he invited me out and told me about the engagement towards the end of the evening.

Same scenario the second time, about 7 months later, when he wanted to " catch up". He mentioned the wedding( and not with me, lol) whilst we were having lunch.

Edited by AnnaN88
Zippy2000 Established Member

Zippy2000

Posted
Posted

You are his back up option. No on should come second best.

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