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Why do exes still look at and like your social media, especially men?

LenaBean94

By LenaBean94
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LenaBean94 Member

LenaBean94

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I’m still fairly young and don’t have a lot of dating experience to be honest. My friends believe that I’m being very naive about what’s going on with my recent breakup. I believe I’m seeing things very rationally.

 

 

So I technically broke up with him the beginning of October. I tried to get back together a week or so later. He turned me down and said he had moved on. I left and he ended up sending me 3 messages that night, another one the next morning. I ignored 3 of the 4 messages. He kept going on about how the breakup was really hard for him and it was hard to go back. How he wanted to stay but couldn’t. I responded and he sent me a handful more messages that I didn’t respond to. I got another message for him saying he was struggling and I said same for me.

 

Weeks later my friends believed he tried to make me jealous by posting a picture with his arm around another girl with caption, “Fun Night”. He’s a pretty private person and we still follow each other on social media so that’s why they believe he did this on purpose. I think he’s just moving on and is doing what single people do.

 

Meanwhile, he’s been looking at my Snapchat (it tells you who has viewed it) and liked a picture that I posted of the city last night.

 

My girlfriends are under the impression that he’s trying to indirectly communicate by continuing to look at my posts. He wants to me to say something to him. They said it would be different if the breakup wasn’t just so recent. I on the other hand believe because he’s fine with everything and has moved on and is simply looking and liking because it’s social media and that’s what it’s for. Plus he said that he had moved on so that’s another reason why I believe that my friends are wrong.

 

Thoughts?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Social media is a window into people's lives. Generally it's a good idea to close that window after a break up.

 

He's looking at your social media because you let him. Unfriend him & block him so you can't see what he's up to either. Making a fully clean break is the best thing.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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He is looking at your profile b/c he likes the attention you give him. Are you trying to move on beyond this guy? If so, you need to block him otherwise it would seem that you also like the attention.

 

What is 'technically' broke up with him??? Are you two exclusively dating or not?

 

It sounds like he is playing games. Showing a pic with his arm around another girl is for attention and some reaction.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Kill count trophy. "She's hot. I got with that and then she wanted me back and I turned her down" is a quick ego boost when in need. Pay no mind. It's just a grim part of human nature.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Oh i didn't realize he LIKED your stuff too. Yes, he is most certainly trying to get to you and not in a good way. Block him

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LenaBean94 Member

LenaBean94

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Kill count trophy. "She's hot. I got with that and then she wanted me back and I turned her down" is a quick ego boost when in need. Pay no mind. It's just a grim part of human nature.

 

It wasn’t like that for him. The week I broke up with him he had called my beat friend and said how he thought about our kids and marriage. It wasn’t just because I’m hot haha.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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It wasn’t like that for him. The week I broke up with him he had called my beat friend and said how he thought about our kids and marriage. It wasn’t just because I’m hot haha.

 

Why you break up and why did he turn down offer to get back together? My ex took me back twice but was reluctant to take me back a third time after I had broken up with him before and he had a GF, which is understandable. I just don't understand because dumpees usually jump at that

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LenaBean94 Member

LenaBean94

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Oh i didn't realize he LIKED your stuff too. Yes, he is most certainly trying to get to you and not in a good way. Block him

 

Not in a good way? How so?

 

Yea I wasn’t paying him any mind before he went and liked my picture. That’s when I thought he was simply liking it for the content until my friends told me I was being naive.

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LenaBean94 Member

LenaBean94

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Why you break up and why did he turn down offer to get back together? My ex took me back twice but was reluctant to take me back a third time after I had broken up with him before and he had a GF, which is understandable. I just don't understand because dumpees usually jump at that

 

We had been arguing. It was the same week he called my friend and said those things I mentioned above, and said he’d do anything to make it work. He kept messaging me saying how much he loved me, how sorry he was, and I wasn’t all that receptive. I was just exhausted at the time. Then all of a sudden he got mad (I’m guessing because I wasn’t being receptive). Then I broke off things.

 

When I went to reconcile we talked for an hour and he was visibly pissed off. He then said if I would just admit that I broke it off to go pursue someone else during the break we could move forward. I told him I wasn’t going to admit to something I didn’t do. So that’s when he said he had moved on. I guess he was paranoid and thought I was leaving him for someone else?

 

He ended up messaging me a lot that night going on about how I broke up with him. That he wanted to stay but couldn’t.

 

I don’t know my friends are under the impression that he still wants o be with me but he’s just really mad and hurt

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Not in a good way? How so?

 

Yea I wasn’t paying him any mind before he went and liked my picture. That’s when I thought he was simply liking it for the content until my friends told me I was being naive.

Well, maybe it is a good thing to you. I don't know your intention. :laugh: It's just that he turned down offer to get back together, which is kind of unprecedented for a dumpee, (like I said my ex took me back a 3rd time even after he had started seeing a new girl), so it seems more like an attention thing or to "get back at you" rather than wanting to reconcile. But maybe you want him to want to try to get back at you

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LenaBean94 Member

LenaBean94

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I think your friends are right to an extent, and it is a form of indirect communication. The rest I can only guess at, but I can say what I have known men to do. That is, keep you on a string. Yeah, you guys might be broken up, and maybe he is dating someone new now, but it always helps to keep exes dangling a bit in case you wanna go back for a quick hookup. With very little effort (liking your pics) he has you thinking this much about him.

 

Hmm interesting. I don’t believe it would be for a quick hookup since we’re long distance.

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Emmafive Established Member

Emmafive

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Well, maybe it is a good thing to you. I don't know your intention. :laugh: It's just that he turned down offer to get back together, which is kind of unprecedented for a dumpee, (like I said my ex took me back a 3rd time even after he had started seeing a new girl), so it seems more like an attention thing or to "get back at you" rather than wanting to reconcile. But maybe you want him to want to try to get back at you

 

If you break up with me after I’ve been trying to fix things, saying I’m sorry, I love yous, talking marriage, and I talk to your best friend to see what I can do to fix things, and you still break up with me and try to come back week or so later? Hell no. I’d show you the door. All OP did was say she wanted to get back together. Where was the rest of the work to get back in?

 

I think this guy is just full of resentment. You don’t go from talking about marriage last month and blowing up her phone after he said he moved on (rolls eyes) to this month trying to stick it to her just because. He still wants to be with her but he also wants to punish.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Who cares why, just block/delete him off your social media.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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We had been arguing. It was the same week he called my friend and said those things I mentioned above, and said he’d do anything to make it work. He kept messaging me saying how much he loved me, how sorry he was, and I wasn’t all that receptive. I was just exhausted at the time. Then all of a sudden he got mad (I’m guessing because I wasn’t being receptive). Then I broke off things.

 

When I went to reconcile we talked for an hour and he was visibly pissed off. He then said if I would just admit that I broke it off to go pursue someone else during the break we could move forward. I told him I wasn’t going to admit to something I didn’t do. So that’s when he said he had moved on. I guess he was paranoid and thought I was leaving him for someone else?

 

He ended up messaging me a lot that night going on about how I broke up with him. That he wanted to stay but couldn’t.

 

I don’t know my friends are under the impression that he still wants o be with me but he’s just really mad and hurt

Perhaps he is. I don't think anyone knows but him, but I don't see how liking your stuff is doing anything besides taunting you since he's said he's moved on.

 

I have to wonder if this was a 'force dump' as in you felt pushed to having to dump him because the state of the relationship was so bad. Instead of not caring about him or wanting to be with him, you wanted out because too much fighting. It sounds a little manipulative/controlling of him to try to get you to admit you were trying to move on to someone else. Doesn't sound good at all.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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If you break up with me after I’ve been trying to fix things, saying I’m sorry, I love yous, talking marriage, and I talk to your best friend to see what I can do to fix things, and you still break up with me and try to come back week or so later? Hell no. I’d show you the door. All OP did was say she wanted to get back together. Where was the rest of the work to get back in?

 

I think this guy is just full of resentment. You don’t go from talking about marriage last month and blowing up her phone after he said he moved on (rolls eyes) to this month trying to stick it to her just because. He still wants to be with her but he also wants to punish.

 

Idk. My ex did all that too..I guess it varies from person to person but a lot of people who are in love don't let their pride or resentment stop them from getting back if the door is open...Just from my own experience and what i've seen on the break up boards, your reaction is very unusual. You have a particularly strong will and dignity that you put before love. I suppose some people do.

Emmafive Established Member

Emmafive

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Idk. My ex did all that too..I guess it varies from person to person but a lot of people who are in love don't let their pride or resentment stop them from getting back if the door is open...Just from my own experience and what i've seen on the break up boards, your reaction is very unusual. You have a particularly strong will and dignity that you put before love. I suppose some people do.

 

I don’t think that’s what OP’s guy really wanted though. Who says they’ve moved on but then damn near harasses the person that same day? He was being a little jerk and said that because he was hurt by OP.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I don’t think that’s what OP’s guy really wanted though. Who says they’ve moved on but then damn near harasses the person that same day? He was being a little jerk and said that because he was hurt by OP.

 

That's a good question and I'm interested in knowing why exactly OP had to end it. It sounds like this was a toxic relationship and it was a force dump. This guy sounds manipulative and kind of abusive and probably isn't isolated to this incident where they fought and she ended it

LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

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I don't understand ppl sometimes to be honest - OP, your answer is right in front of your face yet somehow you can't see it.

 

After rejecting you (and claiming to have moved on), your ex said he WANTS to stay but can't. He WANTS to be with you but he can't for his own personal reasons. Like the saying goes, "sometimes love isn't enough". Your ex still wants you. He said it himself but somehow you missed it. There are various reasons why he may be choosing to stay away - maybe he feels like your relationship was toxic and hurtful for him or maybe he is insecure and feels that you don't feel the same way he does and may be going after other men, who knows.

 

Personally, I would just let things be. If he comes back then you can decide if the relationship is really something you want or if it is even good/healthy for the both of you.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

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Mainly curiosity if it was an old ex. But for a recent ex like in this case: possibly looking for easy access to sex TBH. Exes are the lowest hanging fruit for FWB situations.

 

I think it is funny that there is the concept ‘broke up on xxx date’. Breaking up is a process that can take months or even years depending of the nature and duration of the relationship. Relationship can’t be build in a day, and can’t be resolved in a day, unless we’re talking about extremely superficial dating scenario.

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LenaBean94 Member

LenaBean94

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Mainly curiosity if it was an old ex. But for a recent ex like in this case: possibly looking for easy access to sex TBH. Exes are the lowest hanging fruit for FWB situations.

 

I think it is funny that there is the concept ‘broke up on xxx date’. Breaking up is a process that can take months or even years depending of the nature and duration of the relationship. Relationship can’t be build in a day, and can’t be resolved in a day, unless we’re talking about extremely superficial dating scenario.

 

Thanks. Like I mentioned we’re long distance so I highly doubt it’s for sex.

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Talk to him on more time but before you do, know what you want from him and know what you feel about him. Then tell him what you want. Tell him how you feel if you know what that is. Hear what he has to say about it. Listen to him. Ask any questions you may have. Settle it. And that will be the last time you do. Leave it on the table for him. If he's still sticking to his answer, you did what you could do. The rest is up to him. You just focus on you after that. What's happening here is ego is getting in the way.

 

I believe he still has feelings but is hurt by something that he hasn't personally resolved. Some kind of resentment. Space and silence will clear the air and reveal the truth after you lay your cards on the table one last time. What he does after that is up to him. Be it he never talks to you again or if he does.

 

Keep it simple

Edited by Beachead
marky00 Established Member

marky00

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Not sure why u said "especially men".

 

I caught up with an Ex after we hadn't spoken for about 10 years. She was the dumper.

 

She confessed to me that she had stalked my profiles for years. Thing is I like keeping my social media pretty small and under the radar which I think just increased her curiousity levels.

 

I would seriously recommend to all dumpees to fly below the radar (i.e. keep social media to a minimum) for quite a while after a breakup. Allows you to heal and in some cases can drive the dumper a little nuts as well.

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