karen wright Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 2 months ago , a guy who shares several courses in college with me , asked me out on dinner in front of our friends , i thought he was joking since he had never shown any interest in me before , so i joked back saying no ... i felt that he got hurt when i " rejected " him , but still we started texting daily , we got close , so he asked me out again , this time i said yes . we went to dinner , the date was good , he told me he has been liking me for 3 years now but never knew how to approach me . we went on a second date a week later , it was all good as well. then , he started texting me intensly , and didin't ask me out again , which annoyed me because i hate relationships that are built on texting ; i yold him that i bored of always texting , he kind of had a burst out on me , sending me 10 texts in each one blaming me for something i had done to him . ( they were all done inconsciously , i never even knew things like that annoyed him) . i talked to him the next day , he said he was sorry and didin't mean what he texted me , he just thought i was breaking up with him . we got out on another date , and less than 1 hour into the date , his friend called him asking for him to drop something by his house since his friend didin't have a car , i was being polite and i said " if he has no other solution , let's help him " , so that's what we did , and he dropped me of to my house directly after that ( i thought we were gonna do some other activity since the date isn't fineshed ) . i hated the gesture he made , so i told him that he didin't show enough respect for me , and that he should've suggested another activity . he said he was sorry he didin't mean and asked me for another chance , i told him that only if i see some improvement will i give him another chance. i was shockked the day after when we shared this course and he didin't even say " hello " to me ... and he has been ignoring me and acting like i don't exist since then. he always said he wanted to see me every second of every day , but he asked me out once in a week or less , i want to know what made him ignore me , and what should i do about it ? Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 (edited) With the feedback that you provided him with and the awkward interactions I'm surprised he didn't ignore you sooner. I would simply let him be. It really sounds like you weren't that much into each other. Edited November 14, 2017 by CptInsano 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 (edited) You are demanding, and if I was him I would take you as a little cray cray. Just walk away he doesn't satisfy your expectations. Edited November 14, 2017 by smackie9 5 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 If you want to guide the date along, or extend it, open your mouth and make a suggestion nicely/with respect. Don't sit there expecting him to read your mind because men are NOT mind readers! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 You spent a lot of time being mean to this guy & then punishing him because he didn't jump through hoops for you even though you never told him your expectations. The first time he asked you out, you shot him down in a cruel way. I don't understand why he kept talking to you. After the 1st date, he texted you intently. You were annoyed by this behavior & annoyed that he didn't ask you out again. You could have asked him but didn't. That's not fair for you to be mad at him for not doing something you didn't do either. On the next date you encouraged him to help his friend but then sulked when he took you home. Yet you didn't do anything to extend the date. This was already on the heals of him thinking you had previously dumped him. I doubt this guy was feeling super confident. I also get the sense that despite saying it was OK if he helped his friend, you probably sulked. Mixed messages are a problem. You make this all about his faults -- he made a gesture; he doesn't respect you; he needs to improve. He is now ignoring you because you have been rotten to him & his sense of self preservation has finally kicked in. If you want to have a relationship with him you need to be nicer, apologize to him & for heaven's sake, give the guy a chance. You can't tease a man, nitpick him or expect him to read your mind then wonder why he doesn't stick around. You probably aren't "all that & a bag of chips" the way you see yourself as superior to him. Kindness goes a long way 10 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 He's ignoring you because you were kind of a jerk, OP. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author karen wright Posted November 14, 2017 Author Share Posted November 14, 2017 i recognize that i haven't been easy on him , but everyone has expectations , and honestly he didin't meet mine , i don't think that i've been a jerk , every single time we spoke i have been nothing but respectful and understanding ... i think it's childish the way he is ignoring me... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 i recognize that i haven't been easy on him , but everyone has expectations , and honestly he didin't meet mine , i don't think that i've been a jerk , every single time we spoke i have been nothing but respectful and understanding ... i think it's childish the way he is ignoring me... Yes, to ignore you is childish and immature. But, your behavior was also childish and immature. You agreed to go out with him again, "only if you see some improvement." That's condescending. You can stand firm in your expectations, but it's going to be pretty lonely... You are going to have a difficult time with relationships if you continue to behave in this rather demanding and confrontational way. Kindness really does go a long way. Is there any reason for the high expectations and the wall that you have built around yourself? Have you been hurt by another relationship in the past or are you afraid to get close to someone? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 So he's childish & immature. Those are just two more reasons why you shouldn't date him. So what difference does it make if he's ignoring you? Does your ego really need that much stroking? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 It sounds as if you have an entitlement mentality and need to be knocked back a peg or two. Just my opinion, of course. I think you've hurt his feelings, and he really doesn't know what to say. He sounds insecure by his barrage of texts. Both of you have a lot of growing up to do. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 No sorry. In the examples you gave, you most definitely were not respectful and understanding. I also don't think it's rude of him to ignore you. It's the natural consequence we receive when we do jerkish things. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 what should i do about it ? Move on because it looks as though he has... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author karen wright Posted November 15, 2017 Author Share Posted November 15, 2017 i wanna know why he's ignoring me not because of " my ego " , but because we share a lot of courses together , and the way he's acting puts us in so many awkward situations especially when it comes to common friends ... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 i wanna know why he's ignoring me not because of " my ego " , but because we share a lot of courses together , and the way he's acting puts us in so many awkward situations especially when it comes to common friends ... He's ignoring you because you were a jerk towards him. Yes, we all understand that you have your expectations, but there are nicer ways to get your message across. It's too bad that you share a lot of courses together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 i wanna know why he's ignoring me not because of " my ego " , but because we share a lot of courses together , and the way he's acting puts us in so many awkward situations especially when it comes to common friends ... OP, we've already answered this. You were quite abrupt and rude to him, which gives him no further motivation to interact with you. He doesn't care anymore if this makes it awkward for you. You demonstrated little consideration for his feelings, so there is really no reason for him to show consideration for yours now either. Let this be an important lesson in coming down off that high horse. Most guys will not respond well to that attitude. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 So what do your gfs say about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Lostintranslationslc Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 Sounds like your lines of communication aren’t very open; for one he’s ignoring you now after once sending you pages of texts. He should talk to you instead of communicating via pages of texts. Texting isn’t intended for novel writing. Sounds like you’re both a little immature. He’s probably not into it anymore and he’s ready for the shiny next best thing. Sounds like the way you two communicate or express yourselves is conflicting. Something isn’t meshing with you two. It should be easy at least in the initial stages. You’re in college. There are plenty of others. Really the dating world is your oyster. Learn from this lesson. Move on to the next. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 Leave him alone. You two have abysmal communication skills and that lack of skill is what's got your involvement so convoluted it's crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 i recognize that i haven't been easy on him , but everyone has expectations , and honestly he didin't meet mine , i don't think that i've been a jerk , every single time we spoke i have been nothing but respectful and understanding ... i think it's childish the way he is ignoring me... He isn't in contact because like you he has expectations and you didn't meet them. Now just move along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 (edited) i recognize that i haven't been easy on him , but but nothing. You have been unnecessarily mean and vague with him and you want to use that as fuel for your punishment because he can't read your mind. Not once did you lift a finger or take any kind of initiative. You basically let him twist in the wind. You could have asked him out: you didn't. When he helped out his friend, you easily could have spoken up about wanting to do something else: you didn't. He saw the truth about dealing with you and decided it wasn't good policy to continue on with you. everyone has expectations , and honestly he didin't meet mine Expectations are future resentments under construction--basically where you are now. No, what you have are unrealistic expectations which you never bothered to articulate. They involved him reading your mind and no one is going to do that. i don't think that i've been a jerk well, of course you don't--that wouldn't fit in your narrative and it would require some level of self reflection, since no behavior happens in a vacuum. every single time we spoke i have been nothing but respectful and understanding ... i think it's childish the way he is ignoring me... No, it's childish that you're here whining about him when you've totally played your part in this devolvement and got the results that your actions would get. Your communication skills need some CPR, hon. Work on those before you agree to go out with anyone else because you will find yourself back in this same spot if you don't get that little thing tightened up. Edited November 16, 2017 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts