Newtoallofthis Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 Hi Have posted on here before but have a slightly new situation that I'd like some advice on. I am 35, separated and exploring this new world of OLD. Have casually dated a few guys but no one I have felt serious about. Guy A was one of the first I started chatting to back in June. He is in a similar situation to me - separated from his ex for a similar amount of time. We clicked immediately having understood what the other had been going through. Plus we had a lot in common. However, he lives about 3-4 hours away and has a high pressured job. We met twice over the summer and both times were awesome. He then went away on a pre planned trip for over a month. That, combined with his job and the distance, meant we have not seen each other since August. However we left it that neither of us are wanting to rush into anything, happy to continue the contact (generally in touch every few days) and we'd see where we both were when he returned from his trip. If we were both still single and interested we'd meet up again. In the last week I have started chatting to Guy B. Mainky because Guy A has been back a few weeks and whilst we are still in touch, theres been little mention of meeting up. I have bought it up and he said he wants to, but the conversation has gone no further. Guy B and I have been on 2 dates in the last week and so far so good. He seems keen and I like what I know about him so far. Of course its so early on to know for sure. He's asked me out for date 3 this weekend. Typically, Guy A messages me last night, as is back from his trip and settled back in, wants to meet up and has proposed some dates that might work from him. So I'm not really sure where to go from here. Its too soon to tell if either has real potential but I guess I would say I like them both equally. Guy A has been (sort of) on the scene since the summer but has had other commitments. But we've had the continued contact throughout that time. Guy B has been on the scene only a week but already we have a 3rd date planned. I feel bad going behind guy B's back to meet up with Guy A again, but feel like I might regret it if I don't explore it. Obviously this early on I'm not exclusive with Guy B but I think he wouldn't be happy if he was to find out about me meeting Guy A (we don't tend to have such a culture of multi dating here in the UK) Any ideas on what I should do? At this early point its so hard to know if either has more future potential than the other. Thanks for reading...
Sara1989 Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 I am from the UK and I think multi dating at the beginning stage is normal in OD. I would not put all your egg in Man A basket due to the long distance and lack of contact. You may enjoy each other company when you are together, but that does not make an relationship. I would date both for a while longer then make your mind up. Buut guy B sounds the better bet. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 In this day & age most people assume that if you met them through OLD that you are dating others. Believe us, while Guy A wasn't with you, he was with other women from OLD. Go out with guy A if it sounds interesting. Continue to see guy B in a few weeks, you should have a clearer picture of what you want. Even if it's not A, you can continue to see B without making that exclusive while you look for C. The only "rule" is you can't tell somebody they are the only person you are dating if that is not true. 1
Author Newtoallofthis Posted November 14, 2017 Author Posted November 14, 2017 Thanks both. My only reluctance is Guy B is very sweet and quite traditional in the dating sense, from what I can make out. Of course I cannot be sure but I suspect he's putting all his dating eggs in my basket - lol. Just things he has said and the way he is, make me think he's quite serious about seeing where this leads. I could have it totally wrong of course. So what's the etiquette? Do I mention that I'm still dating to each of them? I feel it might upset Guy B, but might give Guy A a bit of a kick up the backside! (But if guy A needs a kick up the backside, thats not a good sign is it?!)
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 So what's the etiquette? Do I mention that I'm still dating to each of them? I feel it might upset Guy B, but might give Guy A a bit of a kick up the backside! (But if guy A needs a kick up the backside, thats not a good sign is it?!) IMO the etiquette is silence. You don't have to announce that you are multi-dating. It's assumed. Rubbing it in someone's face is problematic. The caveat is that if somebody is gauche enough to ask, then you have to tell the truth. A does need a kick in the backside but telling him about B won't do it because he has other women besides you. When a man really wants a woman & is ready to commit, a woman doesn't need to push him. If he's not stepping up of his own accord, do you really want to be with a guy you had to force? 1
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