PegNosePete Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 If she wants cut all ties with me, then why she asked me to keep her updated? What does it matter why she does what she does? You need to think about YOU now. Forget about what she says or why she says it. It's not relevant to your life any more.
Author Driedourlettuce Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 Look you need to stop asking WHY she is doing what she is doing. She has made it 100% crystal clear that she does not want to reconcile this relationship. Asking "why is she doing X, Y or Z" is only going to keep you in pain! You need to stop asking these questions. Instead, you need to ask yourself, "what is the best way to move forward?". She said you can have the sofa. Great. Keep that email/text in case she tries to sue you at some point in the future. Then put the sofa on craigslist, take it to the dump, leave it in the flat when you move out, use it for target practice, whatever. She said she doesn't want it back so there is no need to talk to her about it ever again. The sofa was the only tie you had to her right? So now that is resolved, you have no reason to talk to her ever again. This relationship is dead as a dodo. Staying in contact with her will just bring you pain. Thanks for your reply! I understand your point very well, I really want to move on... It is really difficult. She's my love man... I've dated several girls since then, all I got from it how much I love my ex. and It is not like I was comparing or anything. It is a lot harder now than it was when we broke up. Her mother (I'm in good terms with her) told me that my ex doesn't think our issues could be resolved and that is what holds her back from getting back together, also that she feels sorry because I can't let her go. "She said you can have the sofa. Great. Keep that email/text in case she tries to sue you at some point in the future. " Christ... what kind of relationships have you people been into? She is not going to sue me over a sofa...
HumanMachine Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Yeah, you're not over the top at all. If she wants cut all ties with me, then why she asked me to keep her updated? I've been 6 years with her, her mother always treated me really good, she told me herself that if you want to talk, don't hesitate to call. It’s almost like you’re waiting for someone to tell you “she’s sorry! She loves you! She wants to get back with you!”.. not going to happen, she’s done and you’re desperately holding onto to anything she says and blowing it way out of proportion with the “why’s?” She isn’t coming back, you need to block her and move on with your life. 2
Author Driedourlettuce Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 It’s almost like you’re waiting for someone to tell you “she’s sorry! She loves you! She wants to get back with you!”.. not going to happen, she’s done and you’re desperately holding onto to anything she says and blowing it way out of proportion with the “why’s?” She isn’t coming back, you need to block her and move on with your life. No, not really. I guess I just want to know what she feels. I know the chances of us getting back together are slim, 10% at best. So... any tips for healing faster then? 1
HumanMachine Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 No, not really. I guess I just want to know what she feels. I know the chances of us getting back together are slim, 10% at best. So... any tips for healing faster then? You want to know what she feels? Absolutely nothing. That’s why she has cut ties (ignore the “keep me updated” nonsense). Remove from all social media, remove any menories of her, block her on all platforms. Do this now otherwise you will prolong your pain.
Highndry Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) A little update: So, two days ago we've met, I gave her a little package with notes (containing really romantic and honest stuff, it was a 3 chapter thing), we talked for a while, she said she's seeing someone, then she said she doesn't (I've asked her mom, and she said she's not seeing anyone), I suppose it was her way to let me know she's not interested, and it doesn't really matter, she's going to see someone whether its now or in a month. I guess she tried to find something to tell me to help me to move on. I've told her I've dated a couple of girls, but all it did was to make me realise how much I love her. My ex said during the meeting, a couple of times, that she can't get back together "now". To me it seemed like she is definitely not interested in getting back together, that's the vibe I got out of meeting her. Then the next morning (yesterday) I get a message from her, she said how she is sorry about everything and she is sorry she is texting me now (to be honest, she is not the type of person for whom its easy to apologise she is very proud) and that she wants me to have her sofa and to keep her updated on the apartment and things I'm taking. Why is she doing this? why does she sent me a text the day after we met, and why does she wants me to keep her updated on the apartment? it makes absolutely not sense. I told her that she can keep her sofa, and that there's nothing new about the apartment or the things I'm taking and there won't be. Later I texted her that I'm sorry about everything but I guess its all for the best. I'm kind of a mess, I really want to move on, but I love her a lot. I feel like I did pretty much anything I could to get her back, and it didn't work. I guess I'm reading to much into things and over analysing everything. Your opinions and advice on this matter will be very welcomed. Thanks in advance! Bad move. You went against all the advice here and broke no contact, and even showered her with little love letters. Why is she behaving like this you ask? She feels guilty and she feels sorry for you, that's why she's doing it. She's not going to say "don't ever contact me again." She's trying to let you down easy, while telling you straight up she has no interest in you anymore. This woman is done with you, and it was apparent from your first post. You should have never tortured yourself by seeing her again, and definitely not written those sweet nothings and poured your heart out. You did the opposite of what would re-attract her, if anything would (extremely doubtful). If you were completely indifferent to her, refused to meet her, and were standoffish she would be more inclined to question why she left you. Your actions have showed her you're needy and weak, not qualities a woman looks for in a man. Remember, she dumped you. You have absolutely no business accommodating her and treating her like she's some sort of prize. Edited November 29, 2017 by Highndry 2
PegNosePete Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 So... any tips for healing faster then? Yes, you've been given plenty already. I suggest you go back to page 1 of your thread and re-read them all.
Purepony Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Will appreciate more opinions on that matter. It doesn’t matter you already screwed everything up. If there was even a small 2% chance you blew it by giving her the letters and coming in contact with her again
Author Driedourlettuce Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) All these rules about reattraction are absolute nonsense. I mean, each individual is totally different and unique, she is not the type of person who will be reattracted by me giving her a cold shoulder and NC. NC is really good for healing after a break up, nothing more than that. I know her well. Edited November 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude~T 1
Purepony Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 I don’t think it has anything with being original I was just trying to tell you to get out of this situation by going no contact to alleviate the pain and paranoia that comes with something like this and leave this behind so you could MoveOn Plus so far every attempnyouve made has backfired but I’m sure you knew that since you knew her well right? You seem like a good guy and you mean well but she’ seems to be in a different state of mind so think with your head not your emotions
Purepony Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 That’s true but let us know if anything works because I’d sure like to know if there’s a new technique I haven’t tried 1
Author Driedourlettuce Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 That’s true but let us know if anything works because I’d sure like to know if there’s a new technique I haven’t tried Well, what did work for you? Was it a long relationship?
HumanMachine Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Well, what did work for you? Was it a long relationship? When the relationship is done it’s time to call it a day. Simple as that.
chinadiary Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 There's a lot of rudeness on here. People are weak at the end of a relationship. Great if you can be steadfast and go straight into NC and move on. But not all of us can. Doesn't make us lesser people. I've been pathetic the last few months, broken all of the 'breakup rules'. So what? 1
trustyourself Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) All these rules about reattraction are absolute nonsense. I mean, each individual is totally different and unique, she is not the type of person who will be reattracted by me giving her a cold shoulder and NC. NC is really good for healing after a break up, nothing more than that. I know her well. I understand what you are saying, but it takes two to reconcile. She is obviously not in that head space at this given moment. I did the same thing with my ex. I texted her, called her, tried to make her understand, but nothing worked. NC is to heal and move on. It can also make them miss you I guess, but unless they realize they want you back, no method works. I would recommend that you back off. Stay LC if you want. But if its just you reaching out all the time, that is not a good sign. So maybe you need a month or two to sort your head and your heart out. I am sure she needs that too. Though.. If she started dating someone (if true) it could take a while for her to process her feelings, as they are covered up by the new relationship. I know this, as I went NC with my ex for over 3 months. She got back in touch and met up as she had something to give me. The spark and feelings were still there from both sides, but she told me she was dating someone new. She said she was confused about everything still. Is he a rebound? Maybe. But I told her we could not talk or hang out while she was seeing someone else. She chose that option. Not a peep since in 3 weeks. I need to let go. I cant change her decision by maintaining contact right now. She would need to decide to give us a go. And that is not likely for quite some time, as she probably has not even processed our breakup yet. Will I hear from her again one day? Probably, but for now it is goodbye. And if the opportunity to reconcile ever happens, I will have to decide if its worth the risk and if she truly has grown and really wants it. I need to heal first. You do too bud. Good luck. Edited November 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author Driedourlettuce Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 Thanks for your reply man. I don’t think she is seeing anyone, she just wants me to move on from her and she doesn’t know how to make it happen. Eventually she’ll be seeing someone so it doesn’t really matter. Thing is, she was the one who initated contact, a couple of times, weird questions about logistical apartment stuff, a bit weird aince everything about that was already discussed. I’m not going to keep contacting her, I did what I could. I can live with failure and rejection but I couldn’t live with doing nothing about it. Thanks again and good luck to you too.
PegNosePete Posted November 30, 2017 Posted November 30, 2017 There is no right or wrong here. That is true! But you have a choice, there are many different paths you can take. Some paths help you heal and move on, whereas others will keep you hurting and in purgatory indefinitely. You are consistently choosing the latter. NC is really good for healing after a break up, nothing more than that. Right. And that is why we're suggesting it, not as a quick magic trick to get your ex back or any of that reattraction rubbish that some people spout on youtube or whatever. You have had a break up, and you need to heal.
Author Driedourlettuce Posted November 30, 2017 Author Posted November 30, 2017 So, are you keeping the sofa? Well, bless your heart. No, I'm not keeping the sofa man.
MidwestUSA Posted November 30, 2017 Posted November 30, 2017 Well, bless your heart. No, I'm not keeping the sofa man. I don't blame you one bit.
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