Meeting bf family for first time

[alicyn]

I've been dating someone for a year, and I will be going out of town to meet his parents for the first time over Thanksgiving. The thing is, throughout our relationship I've been feeling a roller-coaster of emotions and am frequently questioning if we have what it takes to be a solid couple.

 

I am worried about meeting his family since it is a pretty significant step and what if things don't work out in the long run?

 

When I spend time with him, I'm usually feeling happy and I enjoy his company. However other times he seriously irritates for me for little reasons that don't seem that bad in retrospect, but cause me to become exasperated with him. We've had a good amount of arguments and little fights over things like this, and every time we makeup and resolve it so we can move on.

 

Despite his efforts to "fix it", I still get nagging thoughts that maybe we are not compatible. I don't know if this is just fear taking hold of me, or if it's real. He is very argumentative, can be controlling, and also has a childish side that causes him to be irresponsible and careless. On the other hand, he seems to care about me, is dependable, has a great sense of humor, and is affectionate and generous.

 

I am an extremely devoted lover and companion and I have poured my heart out for him, and I fear too much. The other day he jokingly called me "clingy" because a while back I had crying spells when he left my house to go home. That comment hurt me a little because I don't think I'm clingy with him at all other than that ONE thing I did. I have anxiety issues and now I feel like I can't show my emotions freely with him anymore.

 

Often I flip-flop between feeling very insecure about relationship, and other times secure. He has brought me flowers, has taken pictures of us, and done other things that he never used to do before so that I can feel more appreciated. We talk about living together in the near future and we do almost everything together already.

 

 

If I'm not as happy as I truly could be in this relationship, is it because there is still work to do, or is it because I don't actually love him?

[d0nnivain]

Meeting the parents requires all of your "good company manners" especially at the holidays.

 

Ascertain the sleeping arrangements before you arrive. Are you sure everyone especially his parents is comfortable with you two sharing a bed. Personally I would never be so disrespectful as to share a bed with my SO in his parents house.

 

Dress up to some extent. You want to pack smart clothes not sloppy ones. Dress conservatively. Do not flaunt your assets

 

Bring a hostess gift.

 

Offer to help at every instance. Do not let anybody from his family wait on you.

 

Do not complain about anything. Be gracious at all times under even the most trying circumstance. Praise your BF or be quiet. Do not complain about him to his family. Even if they are teasing him, do not pile on. You want them to view you as his champion, not a detractor. Make it all about him.

 

When you get back home send a written snail mail thank you note.

 

The fact that he's taking you home is a positive sign. Stop fretting & focus on making a good impression.

 

When you get home re-evaluate everything. Move forward from there.

[rachelangelo]

Relationships are never a piece of cake. They definitely take work. And no relationship is ever perfect. But, if you're feeling serious reservations about your relationship, perhaps you should consider seeing a relationship counselor. Certainly seek advice and counseling before considering marriage.