guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I don't want to appear like I'm too full of myself but I'm being as objective as possible. I'm 5'11 (180cm), with athletic proportional body, though currently not extremely fit, meaning my muscles aren't so toned and may be a bit of belly fat (when I say little I mean it ), But I still do have nicely shaped legs and arms and chest, it's not like it's ugly or bad, not even average, it's definitely above average but also not very muscular or extremely nicely shaped, let's say, few levels below that, but still looking overall good. Also good looking face, I've heard compliments before, cute, sexy etc. So been dating this girl for a week we had few times very hot sex etc. and then we started talking about some topics and I don't know how and why I came up with this but I asked her if I'm sexually attractive for her? Her answer - A bit. Not that much. After another 5 min of talking she is basically telling me that in order to find me sexually attractive, I need to have perfectly toned body (toned muscles, more biceps, triceps etc) and have to be one head taller than my current height of 5'11. Then and only then she will find me sexually attractive and hot. At my current state she does not find me hot nor sexually attractive, but she thinks I'm a good person (oh so generous, wow 10x ) And I started thinking, god damn it, is it really those two things that makes a person looks so amazingly sexually attractive, isn't it a combination of behavior, appearance (which I do have) , how you carry yourself, how you talk to a girl etc. I have confidence, I speak with confidence and I carry myself confident, lots of good looking girl do like me and are flirty with me when the environment allows it(clubs etc). So somehow she (my current girl) ignores all of these things and pin points that I need perfectly toned body and more height to become sexually attractive, otherwise I'm not sexually attractive. Which to me sounds harsh af! And also shallow af! What do you guys think?* Is her point of view way too narrow, simplistic and shallow or unless guys have perfectly toned body and lots of height they can't be sexually attractive?
RecentChange Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Wow, she doesn't have much tact does she? You don't ever tell these things to someone you care about. You need to grow a foot? Dump her. She doesn't respect you. She doesn't find you sexually attractive - she will keep you around until she finds a hot guy to bang - and you will feel insecure in the meantime. Could you imagine if you told her that her face and personality needs fixing? 5
Author guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 Wow, she doesn't have much tact does she? You don't ever tell these things to someone you care about. You need to grow a foot? Dump her. She doesn't respect you. She doesn't find you sexually attractive - she will keep you around until she finds a hot guy to bang - and you will feel insecure in the meantime. Could you imagine if you told her that her face and personality needs fixing? Well ,I know you don't tell these things like this, but in case the person next to me believes these things I prefer the truth and absolute directness even if it's rude or painful or whatever, truth is always better so at least I appreciate her honesty so I know what I'm dealing with. What baffles me, is it is really that these two details in the described situation are such a huge game changer as to turn a person from non sexually attractive to sexually attractive. For me it's many many more things, and these two details yes they are plus but not having them shouldn't make someone automatically not sexually attractive. What do you think?
2much4 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I don't really get why she'd sleep with you if she doesn't find you sexually attractive....maybe she meant physically attractive? Personally I wouldn't care whether she's shallow or not, I'd simply dump her for being rude. If she's sleeping with you the only right answer to that question is that there's a waterfall down there at the thought of you. 4
Author guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 I don't really get why she'd sleep with you if she doesn't find you sexually attractive....maybe she meant physically attractive? Personally I wouldn't care whether she's shallow or not, I'd simply dump her for being rude. If she's sleeping with you the only right answer to that question is that there's a waterfall down there at the thought of you. well she said I'm good looking but not sexually attractive basically, which also probably means I'm not physically attractive for her (body and height wise) it's all the same, physically or sexually...physical attraction means sexual also, it's interchangeable I guess...
Miss Spider Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 But I still do have nicely shaped legs and arms and chest, it's not like it's ugly or bad, not even average, it's definitely above average but also not very muscular or extremely nicely shaped, let's say, few levels below that, but still looking overall good. This was the most complicated description of arms, legs, and chest I have ever read. For me it's many many more things, and these two details yes they are plus but not having them shouldn't make someone automatically not sexually attractive. What do you think? Are you asking if every woman prefers men who are 6'11 and shredded? The answer is nope. 5
kendahke Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I think you should never ask a question whose answer you're going to then complain about. Everyone is entitled to their preferences: her and you. She's told you what hers were because you asked her. Doesn't make her shallow in the least. She didn't offer all this up without you prompting her. So, get to the gym, cut out the sugar and starches and see if you can get that body that you will then tell her she can't have any part of.
kendahke Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 You don't ever tell these things to someone you care about. They've been dating a week. I don't think caring has entered into anything for either of them. 2
basil67 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Regarding both the question and the answer, had you both been drinking at the time? The question should never have been uttered and the answer should have been a lie. I can only guess that alcohol made you both lose your senses at the time. 2
Author guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 I think you should never ask a question whose answer you're going to then complain about. Everyone is entitled to their preferences: her and you. She's told you what hers were because you asked her. Doesn't make her shallow in the least. She didn't offer all this up without you prompting her. So, get to the gym, cut out the sugar and starches and see if you can get that body that you will then tell her she can't have any part of. Well the things is, she is if I have to look at her in a very very objective she is not that amazingly looking herself and has her flaws but I do find her sexually attractive and hot and I'm thinking why am I able to ignore all her flaws and see/feel her as hot and she can't? And honestly if I start pin pointing flaws, it would way more than 2.....So from that point I'm thinking that she's just shallow and thus extremely picky for some reason...that's my opinion though, that's why I posted here so I can hear other opinions as well...
Author guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 Regarding both the question and the answer, had you both been drinking at the time? The question should never have been uttered and the answer should have been a lie. I can only guess that alcohol made you both lose your senses at the time. Why shouldn't the question be uttered lol? And why should she lie? Relationship based on a lie? No thank you If I never asked I would never know, and this is important to know isn't it?
RecentChange Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 They've been dating a week. I don't think caring has entered into anything for either of them. If I am having sex with someone I care about them on a certain level. I will try to be conscious of their feelings. I wouldn't purposely say hurtful things. Golden Rule and all of that. Personally I think in relationships you should build each other up, not tear each other down. I would never tell a guy he is too short, or his dick is too small etc. There are certain things that can't be unheard, and won't go away. Let's say they stay together and get serious - you don't think he is going to feel a twinge anytime she looks in the direction of a buff tall guy? 1
kendahke Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Well the things is, she is if I have to look at her in a very very objective she is not that amazingly looking herself and has her flaws but I do find her sexually attractive and hot and I'm thinking why am I able to ignore all her flaws and see/feel her as hot and she can't? Because you are you and she is she. You are entitled to be who you are. You both are individuals who have had the life experiences which made you each who you are--and they do not make either of you wrong. Thing is: you asked her, she answered you honestly. She didn't lie to you. And honestly if I start pin pointing flaws, it would way more than 2.....So from that point I'm thinking that she's just shallow and thus extremely picky for some reason...that's my opinion though, that's why I posted here so I can hear other opinions as well... And she has every right to be if that works for her. You don't have to be in close proximity to her--that is your choice in this matter. You both used to didn't know one another--it can be that way again.
Miss Spider Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Well the things is, she is if I have to look at her in a very very objective she is not that amazingly looking herself and has her flaws but I do find her sexually attractive and hot and I'm thinking why am I able to ignore all her flaws and see/feel her as hot and she can't? And honestly if I start pin pointing flaws, it would way more than 2.....So from that point I'm thinking that she's just shallow and thus extremely picky for some reason...that's my opinion though, that's why I posted here so I can hear other opinions as well... 1st. There is no way you can make form an opinion about a person's looks "very very objectively". Opinions are subjective. But since this is your opinion, would you tell her all this if she asked you? That's what basil67 meant. She finds you sexually attractive enough to sleep with you and just because she'd prefer if you were taller doesn't mean she has to say that. It solves nothing and just opens this can of worms if the person is insecure enough. 1
Author guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 I just realized that one of the main reasons I posted this topic is so some people can say that she is shallow picky and rude which would match with my opinion so I can feel better about myself... 1
stillafool Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 How old is your gf? I guess you know now to not ask her a question unless you really, really want the truth.
kendahke Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 So been dating this girl for a week If I am having sex with someone I care about them on a certain level. I will try to be conscious of their feelings. I wouldn't purposely say hurtful things. Golden Rule and all of that. That assumes a lot for only having met someone 168 hours ago. I know I'm not having sex with anyone I've only been dating for 7 days because that's a bit too fast. It takes way longer for caring to blossom because we need to have been talking a whole lot more than that for me to understand and experience way more of his character and if his character has enough about it to endear me in such a way that I begin to develop caring/loving feelings for him. OP moved way too soon with her and now his nose is wide open because he had amazing sex with her.
central Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 You may be attractive in the eyes of many people, but not hers. So what? Her preference is not you, so find someone who does find you sexually appealing. One of my best female friends does not find me sexually appealing, and I have other close female friend whom *I* do not find sexually attractive. Attraction usually just is - rarely can someone change what they find attractive, and to get upset over what someone else finds attractive (or not) is a waste of energy. 1
Miss Spider Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I just realized that one of the main reasons I posted this topic is so some people can say that she is shallow picky and rude which would match with my opinion so I can feel better about myself... Well at least you're honest about it. Most people here do that 1
kendahke Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I just realized that one of the main reasons I posted this topic is so some people can say that she is shallow picky and rude which would match with my opinion so I can feel better about myself... One day, all it will take is for you and you alone to have the opinion for it to be valid in your mind. It didn't take us validating it--all it took was you deciding that it was so for you. 1
Author guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 You may be attractive in the eyes of many people, but not hers. So what? Her preference is not you, so find someone who does find you sexually appealing. One of my best female friends does not find me sexually appealing, and I have other close female friend whom *I* do not find sexually attractive. Attraction usually just is - rarely can someone change what they find attractive, and to get upset over what someone else finds attractive (or not) is a waste of energy. yes but following this line of thoughts, that attraction usually "IS" or not, I find it can't of unfair on her side to date me and have sex with me if she doesn't find me sexually attractive (or just a little little bit in my case), isn't it kind of unfair? I actually can't remember well if I asked her this exact question but I think I did and she said that attraction and being sexually attractive is not so important bla bla so she can still have sex with me coz I'm a good person good soul, omg, crushed me into 10000 little pieces.... 1
RecentChange Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 That assumes a lot for only having met someone 168 hours ago. I know I'm not having sex with anyone I've only been dating for 7 days because that's a bit too fast. It takes way longer for caring to blossom because we need to have been talking a whole lot more than that for me to understand and experience way more of his character and if his character has enough about it to endear me in such a way that I begin to develop caring/loving feelings for him. OP moved way too soon with her and now his nose is wide open because he had amazing sex with her. We're just different. I can care about someone to the level that I don't want to hurt their feelings nor be boorish upon first meeting. I am not talking about love, I am talking about basic decency. I only have sex with people who treat me in a respectful way (and no I don't have to wait a week - I'll sleep with someone on the first date if I am feelin' him), and in turn I treat them respectfully, in a way that is cognizant of their feelings. I wouldn't have sex with someone and then tell them I don't find them sexually attractive. And I would be really insulted if a man had sex with me and then declared I am not sexually attractive! Different strokes for different folks I guess. Seems like some people with have sex with someone that they don't give two $hits about. 5
basil67 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) Why shouldn't the question be uttered lol? And why should she lie? Relationship based on a lie? No thank you If I never asked I would never know, and this is important to know isn't it? A person who utters a question such as this is clearly insecure and fishing for compliments. Total, total turnoff. Someone who is secure in themselves trusts that a partner who is having good sex with them does find them sexually attractive. And honestly, if she didn't find you sufficiently sexually attractive, she wouldn't be having really hot sex with you! As for her need to lie, if what you are about to say is hurtful and will only cause harm, then DON'T SAY IT. Work around the question if you must, but don't say things which will hurt your partner. So, were you both sober at the time?? This is a kind of drunk Q&A which makes long term damage to a relationship. Edited to add: your question would be OK if she stopped wanting sex with you. Why? Because you're trying to find answers to an actual problem. Edited November 13, 2017 by basil67
Author guy85 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 A person who utters a question such as this is clearly insecure and fishing for compliments. Total, total turnoff. Someone who is secure in themselves trusts that a partner who is having good sex with them does find them sexually attractive. And honestly, if she didn't find you sufficiently sexually attractive, she wouldn't be shagging you! Well, it's not being insecure, it's being curious, because an answer has two options, yes or a no, and as you see as confident as I was that she has to be sexually attracted to me since she slept with me the answer was amazing and surprising NO, so I think it was very beneficial to ask this exact question somehow. Ok I was secure in myself, and I trusted she finds me sexually attractive because of the amazing sex we had. And what turned out to be the truth? That my confidence is not matching with her thoughts... What do we do then? I don't think asking such a question, considering such people exit is unnecessary....if all women slept only with guys they find sexually attractive then yes, it's a stupid question, reality speaks differently and it's quite annoying to be honest...
Recommended Posts