saucygirl Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Hi all, I met this guy hes just been divorce since april kinda was a surprise to him,his wife went on a trip and met someone and left him for the other guy..jump ahead 8 months divorce all final and he thought he was ready to date again We meet go out have a great time,he doesnt want to go home wants to keep me out and talk and hang out,things went great...so he calls the next day we talk and alls great again...then he asks me out for coffee i accept,then before hes suppose to pick me up i get an email this is it. "I be honest when I say I'm a bit bummed out because tomorrow would be my anniversary. I know your way past this point in your life but I'm probably not as ready as I thought. I do like you and I do find you attractive; I'm realizing it's just taking me a bit longer than 6 months to sort a few things out. I really would like to hear back from you and would still like to get together but I don't want to start anything that could lead to anything with anyone just yet. To be honest, it kind of scares the hell out of me. I think I'm normal to still feel this way but I also think it would be cruel not to let you know this. I knew I had to tell you this because you referenced on msn about me not being overI do hope to hear back from you. (I'll be checking my email) it. " so i sent hin one back this Hi, I guess that says it all.....you want to get together still..im confused what do you mean by that just hang out?I dont want to confuse you more or anything,you must still be in love with your ex if its still getting you this upset...dont know what to say here.....if you want to talk you know how to reach me.....................i would still like to see you if you like casually become friends too...ok.... then he sent this one hey there, I'm glad to have heard back from you. I wasn't sure if I would. I don't want to explain everything and make excuses and all that stuff. It's just not the right timing yet. Hope to talk in a day or so. so what does this mean,does he want to be friends? or maybe he felt something and got scared but he did say he still wants to see me...so how do i be his friend and not scare him cause i really like him and i know he likes me but hes scared of getting hurt again So do i just move real slow and be firends and see if a little more time for him to get to know me better and hope he gets over his fear,or is this a lost cause..oh and there were sparks on both ends when we kissed...need advice on how to move on this.....thanks
Zaira Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Be there for him as a friend. He may not still love his ex, so don't put that on him. It may just be that's he's still getting over the whole sitation, especially as it came as a shock. He's done the right thing by being up front and telling you exactly how he feels. Just give him time.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 He's curious to meet you, but he wants there to be no expectations. He's not ready for a relationship or even a real live "date", but having coffee and good conversation might do him some good and forget his situation for an hour or two. He wants you to know that he will use you for that purpose, and hopes that you're okay with it.
Author saucygirl Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 we already went out and had a great time.....it was after we talked for several days then we were going to go out again when all this happened...im just wondering if i go real slow and be his friend he might come around and we can be a couple after a few months?
Walk Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 I can't speak for the man you are talking about, but I can say how I felt after divorcing my ex husband, and attempting to re-enter society as a single person again. I started "hanging out" with a friend at a coffee shop. We talked, didn't flirt too much, but did some. After some time went by, I felt more and more comfortable talking with my friend about how I felt. Frankly, I thought I'd failed in my marriage. I felt like a loser, a failure, a horrible person for not being able to save the marriage. I'd made a vow to be with him forever, and then I was divorced. I didn't even love my ex after the split. I didn't want to see him hurt, but I didn't love him. I guess what I'm trying to say is give him time. Don't rush this. He's got a lot of mental/emotional issues to sort through. He needs time to sort through a lot of garbage going on in his head right now. Give him the time, but be supportive, and open. Give him time to talk, and make sure that if he doesn't want to talk he knows that's okay too. Focus first on friendship, make him feel attractive, and let him know you want to spend time with him. But don't pressure him. You may never have a relationship with him, but on the other hand I know how incredibly lucky I was to find a person willing to help me through the rough times after my divorce. I am very grateful to that person for taking his time and energy to try to help me. I think though, that if you are successful in making him feel attractive without pressuring him for a commitment, then in time he'll become very attached to you. My advice is be patient, be positive, and help him because you want to help him, not because you want something from him. He seems honest and straight forward with you.
Walk Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 My anniversary date hit me like a ton of bricks after my divorce. It was a lot like realizing your best friend died on that day. It'll get easier for him over time. I don't blame him one bit for cancelling, and now he probably feels a little bit like an a** cause he promised he'd go out with you. Let him know all is okay, there's no hard feelings, and let him know if he wants to get coffee at a later date you'd be happy to meet him. Cool, and casual. Otherwise you'll scare the bejesus out of him and he'll run like crazy! Trust me on this.
Recommended Posts