Lost, , Unhappy - what am I doing?

[raider89]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 5 years now, we have 2 kids together. We've had a pretty rocky relationship but we've always stuck it out or made it through rough patches.

 

I love her or atleast I used too, maybe I love her and im just not "in" love with her anymore. For a majority of the relationship I'd say 3.5 maybe 4 years of the relationship I was affectionate, lovey dovey what have you, I fought for that from her but it wasn't really her thing, no PDA etc.

 

I slowly lost all of the affection I used to provide, now after 5 years she has been wanting the attention, actually being what I tried 4 years to-do and now I find myself not wanting it, and not having the emotional connection to even try it to find that part to bring back.

 

I find myself thinking about what it would be like with another women, but im afraid of to pursue anything do to the fact I can't come to terms of what actually is the issue, do I or do I not love her, has what we had faded away or is this just a phase. I hate where I live I hate my house, there is other issues with the household, the lack of help around the house, the way she lives. I am more happy at work than I am at home, I love when im around my kids when its just us or not at home, I feel some sort resentment towards her.

 

Am I wasting my time with her now, is it about to just blow up one day versus ending it now to prevent that.

 

I have never cheated physically or had any type of side love or other lover, I care enough to not want to hurt her and I recognize how great of a women she really is and I don't want to be staying with her just because im afraid to lose someone who in all reality is a great women.

 

I could probably type out more and more all day but someone should have some insight on where this is going or real life experiences.

[smackie9]

Be careful what you wish for...because when it all goes away, you may miss what you truly have.

 

Sounds to me you have spent most of your time raising kids and not nurturing your relationship. This happens a lot. When the chores don't get done, the kids are demanding...that says that both of you are unhappy/tired about your situation.

 

You can start off with having a conversation about how unhappy/scared/sad you are about how things have been. Then move forward with solutions to help you bond again, like spending time together without the kids. Go out on dates again, finding something you two can do together outside of your comfort zone, like signing up for dance lessons or rock climbing, cooking lessons for couples...do fun stuff with other couples. Getting out of your routine may just get things back on track. Improvement won't happen over night, but at least the issue is being discussed, and you two can start addressing it.

[rickwman]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. Sometimes people have a relationship based on lust and not true love. Not sure which it is for you. You need to consider what you might do in relation to you children. Entertaining cheating or another woman will only bring mental grief to you. Acting on it will damage the both of you. Be honest with her how you are feeling. Have you spoken with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer you wise and long-term, effective advise? I'll pray and stand with you that your relatiomship grows and flourishes.

[snowboy91]

I feel you, sorry to hear. I've been in a similar position and it really sucks! Only advice I can really give is do NOT delay talking to her. The longer you put it off, the more confused and lost you get. Good luck.