Dd05434 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Hi everyone, I'm just having a hard time right now. I'm a 23 year old female, just started my career as a nurse, dealing with relationship issues, and everything right now seems overwhelming. I have anxiety and I believe I'm suffering from depression, but there are no psychiatrists in my area who are taking patients right now. My boyfriend and I have a few major issues. One of them is that he lies about the dumbest things - and I keep giving him chances I know I shouldn't. We were unable to have sex the other day, and I asked him if he had been masturbating because he couldn't stay hard. He said he masturbated 14 times in the last week - he had agreed months ago to not masturbate because it was causing sexual issues for us. He lied to me several times when I asked him and then eventually told me the truth about masturbating. I don't mind him masturbating as long as it doesn't cause issues with us having sex - which it does. Which is why he agreed not to do it anymore. I'm sort of afraid to leave because it will make me feel more alone than I already feel. In terms of my new career, I'm having issues adjusting. I'm always in fear of a patient dying or another emergency. I know the fear is normal but I feel that the amount of anxiety I experience isn't. It's interfering with my life and making it where I don't even want to go to work anymore. Other issues...my mom has a ton of health issues and has been in and out of the hospital, my dad is an alcoholic...I just feel alone and helpless and blue all the time. I don't enjoy what I used to. I just need to vent to people who will listen and not be judgmental. I tried to tell my boyfriend how I was feeling and his immediate response was that I'm "too young" to feel the way I do. So you can imagine how that ended up. Thanks guys.
stillafool Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Sweetheart you don't need a psychiatrist but a therapist to help you sort out your issues. If you don't want to break it off with your bf I don't know how to advise you. He isn't likely to cut down on his masturbation because he is addicted to whatever he is watching. Maybe nursing isn't a field you should be in. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I agree that you need to see a therapist/counselor, not a psychiatrist. Maybe sometime down the road, after talking to a therapist, they will recommend a psychiatric consultation/appointment, but your best bet right now is talk therapy. Sounds like your boyfriend is addicted to porn.
Author Dd05434 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) Sweetheart you don't need a psychiatrist but a therapist to help you sort out your issues. If you don't want to break it off with your bf I don't know how to advise you. He isn't likely to cut down on his masturbation because he is addicted to whatever he is watching. Maybe nursing isn't a field you should be in. I don't feel that way about my job ALL the time - only sometimes. It comes and goes. I know plenty of other nurses who are fearful of patient emergencies, especially if they aren't used to dealing with them. I'm just wondering if maybe my general anxiety is perpetuating it and making it worse than it really is. Edited November 13, 2017 by Dd05434
Author Dd05434 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 I agree that you need to see a therapist/counselor, not a psychiatrist. Maybe sometime down the road, after talking to a therapist, they will recommend a psychiatric consultation/appointment, but your best bet right now is talk therapy. Sounds like your boyfriend is addicted to porn. He says he doesn't watch porn, just masturbates. Not sure I believe that due to his history of lying, though.
kendahke Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 It seems your boyfriend is either clueless about the stress you're under (and that he's contributing to through his lying) or he's emotionally stunted and doesn't understand how issuing a dismissive comment on what you should or shouldn't be feeling would be taken by the person who is turning to him for some support/validation. I mean, if you can't turn to him for it, why is he there? Being alone may be a good thing for you because at least you're not allowing yourself to be with someone who dismisses you and lies in your face---that is more soul crushing than to sleep in a bed by yourself. The nursing issues will sort themselves out as you gain experience on the job. You should look into your nursing organization to see if they've got support groups and if not, create one through "meet ups" so that you can see that you are not alone and where you can benefit from the input of other nurses. It could be that you could spend some time either seeking out or creating communities of support because from what you've described, you're under a lot of stress. 1
Author Dd05434 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 It seems your boyfriend is either clueless about the stress you're under (and that he's contributing to through his lying) or he's emotionally stunted and doesn't understand how issuing a dismissive comment on what you should or shouldn't be feeling would be taken by the person who is turning to him for some support/validation. I mean, if you can't turn to him for it, why is he there? Being alone may be a good thing for you because at least you're not allowing yourself to be with someone who dismisses you and lies in your face---that is more soul crushing than to sleep in a bed by yourself. The nursing issues will sort themselves out as you gain experience on the job. You should look into your nursing organization to see if they've got support groups and if not, create one through "meet ups" so that you can see that you are not alone and where you can benefit from the input of other nurses. It could be that you could spend some time either seeking out or creating communities of support because from what you've described, you're under a lot of stress. Thanks so much for your comment. When I got upset he said that I took it the wrong way. He seems totally clueless...
stillafool Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Perhaps if you end it with him you won't have nearly as much anxiety at work. A happy relationship usually flows over to other areas of your life. 1
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Go talk to HR and see if they can help you. I'm sure they can hook you up with a social worker to help you with your mothers needs to take some of the burden off of you. There is help, you just need to go to the right people. If you are having doubts about your performance, talk to some of the senior nurses. They can relate to what you are going through.
BaileyB Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 You must have an employee assistance program at work. Talk to HR and go and see a counsellor. It's probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Best wishes. 2
caveman621 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 How many relationships have you been in? It sounds like you're hanging onto this one even though he is dishonest and disregards your needs. You're only 23! Just sayin! If you're hanging on because you're afraid you'll be alone forever or something like that, STOP IT! There's time. I "settled" when I was 19, stuck it out for 25 FREAKING YEARS! And now regret it. Just sayin! 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 He says he doesn't watch porn, just masturbates. Not sure I believe that due to his history of lying, though. 14 times a week with no porn? He's either lying or has a GREAT imagination. 2
rightondude Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 14 times a week with no porn? He's either lying or has a GREAT imagination. OP, if he's not using porn to masturbate, who is he imagining he's with? If he's imaging he's with you, then why doesn't he just, y'know, be with you? I'd lay money he's addicted to bopping it to porn.
normal person Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 Hi everyone, I have anxiety and I believe I'm suffering from depression, but there are no psychiatrists in my area who are taking patients right now. You can talk to a therapist online. I'm sure some of them will probably even do Skype sessions. My boyfriend and I have a few major issues. One of them is that he lies about the dumbest things - and I keep giving him chances I know I shouldn't. You know you shouldn't, so you need to ask yourself why you keep doing it. I'm sort of afraid to leave because it will make me feel more alone than I already feel. The fear of being alone isn't a very good reason to stay with someone who you're unsatisfied with. I would talk to one of those online therapists if I were you. Best of luck.
kassy Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 Being unsupported in a relationship ismuch lonelier than being alone. My advice is to follow the suggestions above and get some help. You have a lot on your plate. General advice, is be by yourself a while. There is something to be gained for being able to have a fulfilling and happy life by yourself. You get to know yourself and know you can be happy alone. This means when you meet someone they genuinely have to add value to your already great life for you to date them. This in my opinion can lead to healthier and better relationships. 1
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