msk123 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 My boyfriend had a girl chat him up at a Church function that I couldn't attend a few months ago. Since then, she has been crushing on him quite obviously. She knows he is dating me, but is ballsy enough to like/comment any posts or photos that feature him (but not us together). I've also read some of the "cute" Facebook messages she sends him every now and again (Birthday, congratulatory,how are you messages) which I imagine she thinks I don't see These things are still quite harmless, but her behavior as a single gal is really inappropriate. My boyfriend is really dry with her, he walked away from the conversation, but he is too polite to actually say something to get her to bugger off (and stop embarrassing herself). I've had other strange situations, random girls finding and adding my boyfriend on Facebook at parties... while I am with him...usually making out, drunk women trying to kiss him for cigarettes in front of me, make inappropriate sexual jokes etc. A few years ago, I went to a friends dinner party and flirted with the guy sitting next to me.He kept with the conversation but I could feel he wasn't entirely comfortable. About a half hour in, my friend blurts across the table, "J! How how's your girlfriend?". I was so mortified by my behaviour that I apologised to him and my friend before leaving. I definitely didn't think about going home, adding him on Facebook, and popping up onto his Facebook chat. Unfortunately, in life, some girls are not like me and have no shame trying to take things further, in front of your face, or behind your back.Girls, where do you put your foot down? Especially when your partner has an issue speaking out?I have a classic Eastern European temper and a sharp tongue. I have an issue when I (and others) can see that someone is trying to disrespect my relationship.My boyfriend has told me that he doesn't want me to cause a scene and be rude, but I don't find his approach to some situations appropriate either. I'd love to hear your stories, and how you've handled these types of situations.
guest569 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I'm not sure if you have any control over random women's actions but the fact that your boyfriend is aware of it and is dry with them sounds like a good thing so I am not sure what else you can do. how did he respond when the girls were trying to kiss him for cigarettes?
darkmoon Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) I see a man who is not putting me first and take exception if he loves me, and has said so, then he is confusing in not making a show of us, his arm round me, or hand-holding, at these unpleasant moments is easy to do Edited November 13, 2017 by darkmoon
Author msk123 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 I'm not sure if you have any control over random women's actions but the fact that your boyfriend is aware of it and is dry with them sounds like a good thing so I am not sure what else you can do. how did he respond when the girls were trying to kiss him for cigarettes? He was standing against a wall at the time, these ladies came over and at first it looked as though they just wanted to give him a hug. He didn't move when they tried hugging him, but he did turn his head a bit when he realised one of them was trying to kiss his mouth. She only got his cheek.Neither of us even had any cigarettes, one of his friends gave us the only two we were smoking.
PegNosePete Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 boyfriend is really dry with her, he walked away from the conversation, but he is too polite to actually say something to get her to bugger off This is your boyfriend's problem. If someone acts inappropriate towards him then he should tell them to stop in no uncertain terms. Instead, he is allowing her to continue. He doesn't have to be rude, just say I have a girlfriend thanks I am not interested. And if she carries on, then SHE is being rude, and he should have no problem replying in kind. He was standing against a wall at the time, these ladies came over and at first it looked as though they just wanted to give him a hug. He didn't move when they tried hugging him, but he did turn his head a bit when he realised one of them was trying to kiss his mouth. She only got his cheek. Again he does nothing to prevent the inappropriate actions of others. I would tell him that he needs to stand up for himself. If he wants to remain in a relationship then he needs to start acting like it. 5
Gaeta Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 In these situations the bf-gf is the problem for not putting their foot down. Your bf lacks character or he's enjoying the attention.
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Most people have a personal space that they only allow certain people to enter, usually friends, family and people they are being intimate with. Infirm or deaf old people and kids may get a free pass. If we feel people are being too forward, we tend to move away and position them and us at the correct distance. It is a natural reaction. Your boyfriend is not maintaining his personal space, he is allowing those girls to get close. It is not your job to shoo them away, it is his job to stop them invading his personal space. I guess he likes the attention. 3
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 You ignore third parties who flirt with your SO. Their behavior is of no consequences. You concentrate on how your partner responds to these overtures. If s/he is drawing clear lines in the stand demonstrating that the conduct is unwelcome -- even if there is the tiniest bit of politeness about it -- you become secure in your knowledge that your SO knows where there lines are drawn. If your SO seems to encourage the behavior then you take that up with your SO about being clearer. You do not blame these third parties. You recognize that the problem lies with your SO & you do what you need to do to address that including walk away if you think that is appropriate. 6
CptInsano Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 You ignore third parties who flirt with your SO. Their behavior is of no consequences. You concentrate on how your partner responds to these overtures. If s/he is drawing clear lines in the stand demonstrating that the conduct is unwelcome -- even if there is the tiniest bit of politeness about it -- you become secure in your knowledge that your SO knows where there lines are drawn. I usually trusted my partners enough to know that it is of no consequence. It wasn't unusual for us to split up at parties to be able to talk to whoever we wanted to talk to. Sometimes people flirt with you or your spouse, it's just a reality of life. I'm glad that with one exception all the women I've been with behaved in ways that didn't make me doubt my point of view on this topic. 2
heavenonearth Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I've also read some of the "cute" Facebook messages she sends him every now and again (Birthday, congratulatory,how are you messages) which I imagine she thinks I don't see I find it more alarming that you are reading your boyfriend's facebook messages. 4
kendahke Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 This isn't about you or any of these women. This is about your boyfriend and his reluctance to shut down anyone who disrespects his relationship with you. So my first conversation is with him and if he can't seem to grown the stones to enable him to check these chicks, then he quickly becomes my ex because I don't need a man so badly that I'm going to take on his heavy lift and check these chicks he's not checking. I don't think your boyfriend is as invested in your relationship as either you are or as you think he is---and perhaps that's a question you need to pose to him. I refer you to my tag line below: _ _ | | V V 3
Author msk123 Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 I find it more alarming that you are reading your boyfriend's facebook messages. I don't do it behind his back, both he and I have fingerprint access into each other's iPhone's.He'll let me go through his conversations to explain a certain situation/event or argument. I'll also respond to his friends or siblings messages if he's driving. We both decided on an open phone policy early on, and it works well in our relationship.
snowboy91 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 To me it seems like he just doesn't like upsetting people. It appears the attention he is getting may seem like a slight ego boost but he doesn't want to take it further. You can't help other girls giving him attention, if he's conventionally attractive that just goes with the territory. If he was more outward in telling the other girls no, I imagine you would be more confident that everything is fine. But it seems like he's not so you might need to chat to him about it. Also there is a difference between a girl being flirty and a girl being friendly. Some banter might be misinterpreted as flirting (hard to tell sometimes, I know!)
stillafool Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Obviously your boyfriend is "white hot" or women wouldn't react the way they do to him. Your attention should be on his response to them not the other way around. You cannot control what grown strangers do. Stop looking at his FB since it is upsetting you.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 In situations like this, and I have been in a couple, I immediately grab, hug, embrace my gf or make a b-line to her. So easy to discourage such behavior. 1
FastHands Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 If a guy has a very attractive gf this happens too. Guys also hit on your girl in public. It's frustrating but it just lets you appreciate your gf. A guy has to get use to it, because guys are responding to her beauty. Now if she encourages it or plays along is another matter.
heavenonearth Posted November 14, 2017 Posted November 14, 2017 I don't do it behind his back, both he and I have fingerprint access into each other's iPhone's.He'll let me go through his conversations to explain a certain situation/event or argument. I'll also respond to his friends or siblings messages if he's driving. We both decided on an open phone policy early on, and it works well in our relationship. Worse so. It seems there is absolutely no trust in your relationship. I would never even think of looking at my boyfriend's phone. Only couples who don't value each others privacy and who do not have any trust for each other come up with silly rules such as 'open phone policy'. Haven't heard something so ridiculous in a long while. 1
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