mortensorchid Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Back to Googling information on how to meet people (see most recent thread) I was reading more suggestions on this. One of the suggestions they had was to network through your friends, particularly your female ones. Maybe they have a cast off or a friend they can introduce you to. I hate to say this, or maybe this has just been my oddball experiences with others in this area, but I have not encountered such things from other women. Going back to junior high school when people were starting to say Jack is going out with Sally (which was all it was, very few went out on actual dates at that age from what I could see - they were in a pattern of one person asking the other "want to go out with me?" the other would say yes, and ... That was that.) High school of course was just starting to go out on an actual get together with someone, then there was the factor of sex which may or may not have happened then for the first time. College upped the anty, then adult life afterward. And then OLD happened and that upped it once again to another level we weren't ready for, but I digress ... Women helping other women get dates? Well, I guess that can and does happen. I had a very awkward one this summer and I think that was the first time it ever happened for me, save for one situation my freshman year of high school that deserves another thread. I also had another former woman friend who refused to friend me on Facebook because that would take away from her chances of meeting men (nevermind the fact that she was living on the west coast and I am in Northeast Ohio). Any thoughts on this? Maybe I am just a bit too cynical or bitter at this point in life.
carhill Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 The 'network' I was most familiar with was married friends who entertained. No specific introductions rather large gatherings of people who knew the hosts but might not know each other, and of all relationship statuses. Throw everyone together at a good time place and whatever happened happened. I used to have them at my place too. Games for the kids, swimming and walkabouts for the adults and take 30-40 people and toss them together for a few hours with some food and drink. If some people fixed themselves up, cool.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I recently tried to fix up one of my female friends with one of my male friends (I introduced them to each other through social media). Didn't work. I can't think of any of my girl friends who have met their SO through a female friend.....but still thinking.....
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 It's not a sure thing or a universal thing. It's more like the law of large #s. The more people who know you are single, the more people can potentially be advocates & matchmakers for you. I met DH before we had a chance to do it but my friend & I were going to try this idea we read in a book: have a dinner party. It could be a regular party to. You invite 5-6 same sex friends & you ask them to each bring a great guy who they don't want to date to the party (preferably not an EX but a brother, a cousin some otherwise good guy they friendzoned). Then each person knows that every opposite sex person except the one s/he brought is available and a good person because somebody there vouched for them.
NuevoYorko Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 I've been reading a few of your threads of late. Since you ask for advice, I have some that is not exactly related to this question, but I think it will be pertinent for all of your questions. I get the impression that you don't have real friendships in your life and that you are quite isolated. Is this true? From my limited perspective, you need to learn how to have and be a good friend and maybe work on your bitterness & control issues before you are going to have a good chance at a relationship. You seem to dislike women and men both for different reasons. Is it a self protective device to keep you from being hurt? If you can't be vulnerable and willing to trust and accept, you really can't be in a relationship. Coming from a place of suspicion, distrust and negative judgement is not a good starting place. Even your choice of the term "cast off" in your 1st paragraph puts you in a negative place in relation to meeting a new person. You're judging the person poorly as a "cast off," and probably the friend poorly for thinking you are "only" worthy of a cast off. No way to start. Yes, people meet partners through friends all the time. It's the most common way to meet by a huge margin. Here is an article. I Googled for a minute and found similar stats in all the articles I scanned (not many but I think it's valid) https://www.bustle.com/p/where-people-are-actually-meeting-their-partners-today-45616 39% met through friends. Followed by 15% at work, and it goes down from there. Friends want the best for one another and will go to lengths to help each other. It happens all the time. If this is an idea that seems very foreign to you I think your most important work for yourself is to learn why and make the changes that will help you be and have good friends. Friendship is a basic relationship. It's also a 2 way street and involves unselfish behavior; it's not a "give to get" deal like you seem to believe it is. I don't think a person can navigate the complexities of a romantic partnership unless they are already able to have good friendships. That's my 2 cents, or maybe a lot more than 2. 1
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) For me it was a combination of both work and friends. But I was never "fixed up" I met them through friends at parties, social events. It happened organically. Edited November 13, 2017 by smackie9
CptInsano Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 The 'network' I was most familiar with was married friends who entertained. No specific introductions rather large gatherings of people who knew the hosts but might not know each other, and of all relationship statuses. Throw everyone together at a good time place and whatever happened happened.[...] Agreed, private events like that, may it be a student party or the dinner invitations of married friends are indeed some of the best places to meet people, as it is safe environment and people are generally at ease.
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