How to pursue something casual with a co-worker in an open rship?

[peetaspitas]

We've known each other for over a year, and he was always flirty, but I never took it to mean anything because I knew he was married. I just assumed that was his personality. So, basically, I never took the hint. We also rarely saw/see each other at work, because he often works remotely.

 

Anyway, about six months ago we we were at drinks with another co-worker, and the more we drank, the more I realized he was hitting on me and that I liked it. He made a point that night of telling me and our friend he has an open marriage. As the night went on, we got very drunk, made out a lot, did a little bit more than making out/less than sex, it was great and surprisingly electric. Eventually, we parted ways, he said that I was "dangerous," and that comment made me wonder if that meant there was or wasn't room for a second shot at whatever that night was.

 

Months later, there's still a flirty nature between us, but nothing more has transpired, except that I've recently realized I want another hook-up with him again. The catch is, he's only in a few days a week if that, always arrives and leaves early. But I find him somewhat intimidating - he makes me nervous, and men rarely make me nervous, I'm typically quite confident - and his open status + the fact we work together makes it all a little confusing. How do I approach him?

[carhill]

Hard to verify open marriage versus infidelity without involving the spouse in question. If those details don't matter proceed as with any other casual sex with a coworker situation. Focus on the moment and let it happen. There's no reason to be concerned with details. When a mutually acceptable point in time occurs, execute. Rinse and repeat as you both feel.

 

If he's still interested, when he's in, easy enough to casually interact and set up a more pervasive contact away from work. If he's 'busy', cool, on to the next deal. That's part of casual. Same for you if he approaches you.

[peetaspitas]

Hard to verify open marriage versus infidelity without involving the spouse in question. If those details don't matter proceed as with any other casual sex with a coworker situation. Focus on the moment and let it happen. There's no reason to be concerned with details. When a mutually acceptable point in time occurs, execute. Rinse and repeat as you both feel.

 

If he's still interested, when he's in, easy enough to casually interact and set up a more pervasive contact away from work. If he's 'busy', cool, on to the next deal. That's part of casual. Same for you if he approaches you.

 

My assumption was, because he was so open about the open relationship around another person, that it's likely true. At least that's how I'm operating. But my question then is, do I just wait for this amorphous moment to come along? Or is there a way to proposition him sooner w/o coming on too strong?

[RecentChange]

Figure out a way to exchange numbers with him and have a group chat with him and his wife.

 

Even in open relationships it rarely means one partner can just bang anyone they like.

 

Usually the spouse will know, or at least know about the third person and everything will be discussed.

 

It should be that the wife is choosing to share him with you. Are you comfortable with that dynamic?