He is a monster

[narcissists_hurt]

To make a very long story short. Met him thru online dating. He lives in New York City, I live in another city 2.5 hours by air. First time I meet him in NY, he woos me by taking me to nice restaurants, museums, and hotels. He plays the role of the refined, cultured man who knows about art, music, and poetry. I am deeply impressed by this seemingly noble, fine creature.

 

I have a young child. He visits my home, and while things start off weird (he brings special Italian soap only for himself, he brings a special pillow sheet made of a particular linen again, only for himself), they very quickly turn nasty. He does not like me handling my various responsibilities (job & child). He turns reproachful and resentful and frequently lectures me on all my various shortcomings and flaws. He starts to devalue me and judge me harshly on every single piece of information he obtains about my past. He is limitless in his attacks. I still have feelings for him but realize he is not supportive, does not make me feel good, does not treat my daughter well (ignores her as much as possible). Nothing I do is ever right - he ridicules my apartment, my hobbies, my gym, my friends, all my life choices, everything. We break up and make up several times. After much back and forth, I see him one last time and as my unlucky streak would have it, I get pregnant.

 

What happens next is truly beyond words. He sends awful, hurtful, mean messages about it "not being his", he implies I somehow managed to cheat with a complete stranger that only exists in his head. He also tells me that he would never want me as a mother to his child, and that I am not worthy of being with him. He tells me to abort and to never contact him again. I manage to beg him to at least pay half, which he begrudgingly does, after much insistence from my side. He then blocks me from all contact and resumes his normal life as though nothing ever happened. Never follows up, does not ask a single question. Even continues to post regular updates of his concert-going and museum visits to social media. While I am at home, bleeding. Just pretends I never existed. The cruelty and heartlessness of this man is beyond words. Now - I did not expect the pregnancy, I did not even expect to keep it - but to be discarded at such a horrible time in my life, like a used rag, like a dirty towel - while going thru an absolutely traumatic time - is beyond inhumane. I can only describe such a person as a complete psychopath. [ ] I truly hope no other woman suffers my fate and buys his fake persona, he has no soul.

Edited March 18, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed identifying information

[Chilli]

For a start, why are you even letting him near your daughter so soon.?

Your not suppose to have anyone new around your kids for 12mths until you know it's all for real and it's gonna be a long term.

 

The rest , he's a nut. You'll never win with him or that head of his l'm afraid. l'm no expert in people with head problems but he sounds a lot like my ex gf, in her 40's. she had a lot of those traits that came out more and more but early in there was only a few here and there.

Only he sounds far far worse coming out with that crap so early in, he's still on good behavior right now , wait til he gets warmed up.

 

From what l've learned and been told,and saw with mine, they only get worse , and worse until your almost insane yourself.

 

There's some experts here and hopefully they see your post and really fill you in.

[narcissists_hurt]

Obviously you are right. I had never encountered a psychopath like that before so I was totally, utterly naive. Of course - of course - should have never allowed him in so quickly. He of course pushed for it, and I was so enamored. But YES you are right. I learned!!

[BaileyB]

First things first... As a mother of a young child, why would you even entertain the possibility of dating someone who loves 2.5 hours away by air... Let's say it did work out, were you prepared to uproot your child for someone with whom you had shared a long distance relationship?

 

Then, why did you introduce him to your child so early in the relationship? You don't know this man, that is not safe...

 

And, if he is such a monster, why didn't you send him packing at the first sign of problems. Why you did break up and make up, time and again until you ended up pregnant by this man? Why did you keep him around for so long?

 

I think you need to turn your attention inward and evaluate some of the decisions you have made because this is less about him, than it is about you.

 

Sorry, tough love... I know. Take care.

[Chilli]

and as above , yeah , afraid so.

 

But l dunno how early in it is but maybe you should and l hate this but consider an abortion.

This man could go on making yours and your daughters life hell , forever otherwise. And he's child might be as bad as him.

[jjgitties]

I am really sorry to hear about what is happening to you. Its in your best interests to keep as much distance from this person. I suspect you have only scratched the surface of his eccentricities.

 

Just curious, how old is he and how old are you? you can post a age range not exact years if your are concerned.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS. Those are some painful lessons, yup. Glad you're apparently physically healthy and unharmed by the encounter. The other stuff will take time but IMO the feelings now will fade over time leaving the lessons as guidance. Hug your child, change your contact information (phone, e-mail, social media, etc) and move on. Why? These types often return. However, given that NY (if he's urban to NYC) is a target-rich environment, he might not ever contact. No need to take any chances though. Clean break. Good luck!

[stillafool]

Glad you finally realized this guy had no respect for you or your daughter. Be thankful he hasn't reached out to you. The fact that he mistreats your daughter should be enough for you to block him from ever contacting you again. Don't spy on his social media.

[Hoosfoos]

I'm sorry. People like this inflict an incredible amount of damage. I hope you're able to move forward from this.