Graham85 Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 I am desperately in need of some opinions: So I met a girl on tinder, we started talking about 4 weeks ago, and after a week met. The first 2 dates went great and she invited me to her house where we kissed for the first time. After this things sped up to the point I stayed at her house last Saturday, we decided we were in a relationship and had sex for the first time. The Sunday was great, we spent time together and then I went home, I then stayed at hers again on Monday and Tuesday. However on Tuesday she started saying that there may be long periods we don't meet, she does have a full schedule, this brought on my anxiety and she then got anxious too. Since then we have exchanged messages, but her messages have been much colder, they were previously full of positive languages and emojis which have now stopped. Anytime I tried to discuss the problem she has freakout more, cancelled meeting me on Thursday and said that me bringing it up is pushing her away. So from yesterday I stopped trying to discuss it, we have talked a bit more, but it always seems I start the messages, or she is replying to the last one I sent the night before. She has said we are definetly meeting next Saturday, but I can help feeling she is going to cancel between now and then, she is busy until then. Is my relationship over already, do you think she is giving me space to then break up, what should I do? Any advice would be much appreciated
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 Anxiety makes things awkward, doesn't it? You are going to act braver then you feel. Call her. Talk to her. Say something like "I understand your schedule may leave us with less time together. I'm not crazy about that because I like you & like where this seemed to be heading. Sorry if my anxiety got the best of me. Your announcement sort of threw me for a loop. I didn't mean to be clingy. Can we put that little hiccup behind us & see where this goes?" Then just be normal.
Miss Spider Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 What do you mean you got anxious which made her anxious too? I think you should back off a bit. You might have already seemed too clingy to be repaired but better to stop now. Chasing someone who is pulling away for answers to quell your anxiety most likely ends up just making them run faster
Author Graham85 Posted November 11, 2017 Author Posted November 11, 2017 I mean that we started talking about times she couldn't meet, and as an example she said her friend was visiting for 4 days soon, and I said we could have a coffee, alone or with her friend to meet a short time. And lots of small bits of conversation like that and she ended up telling me I was making her anxious. We are still talking but it's very distant on her side and with long gaps without replying when she has seen the messages, usually does end up replyin eventually
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 This has nothing to do with anxiety...this has a lot to do with lack of interest and expectations not being met. You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. You would be a damn fool to hang onto hope this will be something worth keeping. I say move on, and find someone who is really into you and wants to build a relationship with you. She sucks as a GF, dump her. 1
Author Graham85 Posted November 11, 2017 Author Posted November 11, 2017 I think it was anxiousness in the beginning we got serious very fast, but she said I was making her want to run a mile and now I fear she has lost all interest
coolheadal Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 I think it was anxiousness in the beginning we got serious very fast, but she said I was making her want to run a mile and now I fear she has lost all interest Tinder = Casual Sex/Short-term Relationship This woman is using too many excuses. The word busy means she has other met beside you. Long period of gaps in text would suggest that too. I would move on don't focus on her only! Keep your options open for other women to date / have sex on Tinder. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 You two hardly know each other, OP. It is my experience that people who dive right in often jump right out, too. This is why dating and getting to know someone is critical before deciding this is the person you want as your girlfriend. I would step back and observe. See how the next few weeks go. Don't panic, but try to approach this in a more steadily-paced manner. Time will tell if she's truly into this or not.
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 You, a guy she just met, tried to hone in on her time with her friend. 4 days apart is nothing. Back off. When her visit with her friend is finished, send her a text asking if he enjoyed herself & inviting her for coffee. For now do NOTHING. Anything you do or initiate will come across as clingy, needy & unattractive. If she reaches out for you be polite. 1
alphamale Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 she used you for sex buddy - not that's a bad thing 1
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 I think it was anxiousness in the beginning we got serious very fast, but she said I was making her want to run a mile and now I fear she has lost all interest If she was really into you this would not be an issue.....get it?
Author Graham85 Posted November 12, 2017 Author Posted November 12, 2017 Thanks for the advice so far, so we've spoken today and things seem a bit better but again any advice would help. We were talking about why we argued and why she backed on so much, she told me she likes me a lot but is not ready to give up the time she gives to important things in her life, which I understand. She said that she wanted to be friendly etc but I kept on trying to talk seriously and that made her back off. She wants to be in a committed relationship, as in monogamous with me but casually for now so that if a week or 2 goes past and we haven't met it wouldn't cause problems. Now after we spoke she is being friendly, flirty etc again, still some gaps in replies but much better than before and we have plans to meet on Saturday. Thoughts? opinions?
act00 Posted November 12, 2017 Posted November 12, 2017 Seriously? She wants to be exclusive and in a monogamous relationship, but if a week or two goes by without seeing each other, you're supposed to be okay with that?? And maybe three weeks, or four. Keep you on a leash and make sure you don't find someone else, while she keeps you on that back burner. No. She's in it or she's not. Graham, you're going to decide for yourself if you want to put up with this bull**** and if you want to wait around for her to somehow fit you into her tight schedule, maybe two weeks from now...maybe. This is total bull****. You're setting yourself up for hurt and anxiety while she keeps you leashed and contacts you when the wind blows the right way, and who knows when that will be. Now she has you committed to not seeing other women in the interim, so she can totally blow you off while you eagerly await the few crumbs she tosses at you once or twice a month with some notion you won't stray towards a woman that actually wants to be with you and treats you right. She's in it or she's not. Don't wait around for her. If you meet a girl that interests you, go for it. By the time this first one gets back around to you, maybe some two or three weeks from now, this new woman you met will have either fizzled out, or you'll be dumping this first fickle woman who is screwing with your head while you pursue the one that's worth your time and attention. Whatever you do, do not settle for this "monogamy, but we might not see each other for weeks." No...just no. She's in it or she's not. 1
Yosemite Posted November 12, 2017 Posted November 12, 2017 So, you stayed overnight at her house Saturday and had sex for the first time. Then you spent time together Sunday, then you spent the night Monday and Tuesday. You were practically living with her at this point. She tells you her friend is coming to visit and you want to get in on that too. It’s too much, you were smothering her. I think she likes you but doesn’t want to spend every waking moment of her life with you. Which is normal. Get a hobby or play a sport or something so that you have stuff to do and won’t have as much time to smother her. Also, invite her to spend the night at your place too. Don’t always go to her place.
Highndry Posted November 12, 2017 Posted November 12, 2017 Thanks for the advice so far, so we've spoken today and things seem a bit better but again any advice would help. We were talking about why we argued and why she backed on so much, she told me she likes me a lot but is not ready to give up the time she gives to important things in her life, which I understand. She said that she wanted to be friendly etc but I kept on trying to talk seriously and that made her back off. She wants to be in a committed relationship, as in monogamous with me but casually for now so that if a week or 2 goes past and we haven't met it wouldn't cause problems. Now after we spoke she is being friendly, flirty etc again, still some gaps in replies but much better than before and we have plans to meet on Saturday. Thoughts? opinions? You need to stick up for yourself and set some boundaries, and be willing to walk if she doesn't want to meet you half way. It sounds like she's pretty much dictating what happens in this relationship right now, and that means certain death for you as a guy. Something along the lines of "hey, I really like you but not seeing each other for a week or two is not my idea of a serious relationship. I'd like to see you a few times a week at the least, but if this doesn't work for you I totally understand." You need to take back some control and be willing to find somebody else who meets your needs.
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