Any dumpees here that was used a rebound? How to get over something that isn't real?

[shastaa]

F(32) Dumpee M(33) Dumper- Interracial LDR 1.5y

 

How do you get over a make believe relationship? How do you grieve a fake relationship? My feelings were true and sincere but his wasn't. I have let it go and have underwent a roller-coaster of emotions already but just exactly how do you grieve something that's not real? The pain is there but I cannot address it properly bec it was fake unlike losing someone who loved you at one time then fell out of love?

 

After over a month, sent ex an email with probing questions bec I wanted clarity and closure. BU came sudden, like just a few days ago, we were planning to see each other, either he flies to my country of I visit him where he works as an expat. He decided to work as a expat to be closer. It was a very nice relationship built on friendship (at least that's what I tought).

 

His answers were still wishy washy but upon probing and having read numerous forums, I came to assume that he only used me as an emotional crutch for 2y and now that he's in a better place where I pressume girls are giving him the attention, he bailed out on us saying "he'd like to date other people to see where his head is at". His ex's name still surfaces email after email. And he told me that up until this time, it still isn't clear to him about what he felt for me.

 

Never replied after that, ignored the email for 4 days then blocked him out FB and WhatsApp. I hate the fact that I was so foolish and naïve. On this part of the globe, rebounding doesn't actually happen often thus when I was seeing the signs, I thought that it was just his personality to always remember things from the past etc. I hate the fact that he's in bliss now getting rid of me after all the **** he put me through and now seeing other girls being flirty etc after just 2 or 3 BU. I obviously meant nothing after getting used.

 

I'd like to gain perspectives from other reboundees and rebounders male or female please.

[d0nnivain]

Is this same person from this thread, too? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/642155-i-his-rebound-girl

 

Anyway, I don't think it was a fake relationship. You were friends first. That is no guarantee of happily ever after but it mitigates against the idea that he used you for 1.5 years. Rebounds tend to be much shorter, placeholders in the immediate aftermath of a break up because the person can't handle being alone.

 

He may have gotten sick of the LDR. Some more local woman probably looked attractive simply because she was there, while you were far away.

 

Either way, the healing is the same. You grieve the loss. You may get angry. You do what you need to do to keep busy & surround yourself with positive supportive people.

 

Hang in there.

[Highndry]

Is this same person from this thread, too? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/642155-i-his-rebound-girl

 

It seems there are a fair amount of people here who multipost the same story.

[Beachead]

F(32) Dumpee M(33) Dumper- Interracial LDR 1.5y

 

How do you get over a make believe relationship? How do you grieve a fake relationship? My feelings were true and sincere but his wasn't. I have let it go and have underwent a roller-coaster of emotions already but just exactly how do you grieve something that's not real? The pain is there but I cannot address it properly bec it was fake unlike losing someone who loved you at one time then fell out of love?

 

After over a month, sent ex an email with probing questions bec I wanted clarity and closure. BU came sudden, like just a few days ago, we were planning to see each other, either he flies to my country of I visit him where he works as an expat. He decided to work as a expat to be closer. It was a very nice relationship built on friendship (at least that's what I tought).

 

His answers were still wishy washy but upon probing and having read numerous forums, I came to assume that he only used me as an emotional crutch for 2y and now that he's in a better place where I pressume girls are giving him the attention, he bailed out on us saying "he'd like to date other people to see where his head is at". His ex's name still surfaces email after email. And he told me that up until this time, it still isn't clear to him about what he felt for me.

 

Never replied after that, ignored the email for 4 days then blocked him out FB and WhatsApp. I hate the fact that I was so foolish and naïve. On this part of the globe, rebounding doesn't actually happen often thus when I was seeing the signs, I thought that it was just his personality to always remember things from the past etc. I hate the fact that he's in bliss now getting rid of me after all the **** he put me through and now seeing other girls being flirty etc after just 2 or 3 BU. I obviously meant nothing after getting used.

 

I'd like to gain perspectives from other reboundees and rebounders male or female please.

 

I was the rebound guy for someone I fell in love with. This happened 3 months back. The relationship developed very quickly. We spent almost everyday together. She'd buy me gifts. We made plans. She started talking about a lot of things..a lot of sweet things. She came to eventually tell me she loved me only to go back to her ex shortly afterwards. A few weeks afterwards, she eventually stopped talking altogether because she promised him she wouldn't contact me again and that was that. I was left alone to rot with all these pointless memories. I am very aware now, that it's affected me immensely.

 

In your case, you two were together for a significant period of time. Rebounds are short. I do understand your anger though. In the end, it all feels the same when you are dumped. Especially when someone leaves you and tells you they want to see what else is out there. This person was your world and they basically went ahead and told you weren't worth it after receiving the best you had to give. How could you not feel like crap.

 

Let yourself feel what you need to feel. The pain, the anger. Don't expect yourself to pull it together so quickly. Forgive yourself for the time you'll require because it did mean something to you. And then carry on with your life as best as you can. That's all you can ask of yourself. One day at a time.

 

Hope that helped.

Edited November 11, 2017 by Beachead

[shastaa]

Is this same person from this thread, too? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/642155-i-his-rebound-girl

 

Anyway, I don't think it was a fake relationship. You were friends first. That is no guarantee of happily ever after but it mitigates against the idea that he used you for 1.5 years. Rebounds tend to be much shorter, placeholders in the immediate aftermath of a break up because the person can't handle being alone.

 

He may have gotten sick of the LDR. Some more local woman probably looked attractive simply because she was there, while you were far away.

 

Either way, the healing is the same. You grieve the loss. You may get angry. You do what you need to do to keep busy & surround yourself with positive supportive people.

 

Hang in there.

Hi Donnivain, thank you for the support. It still makes me pretty emotional after almost 2mos. I am doing better as opposed to the first few weeks altho my mum is so concerned already about my weight loss as I still can't properly eat.

 

You are right with the distance, he said distance made it all really hard for him. We lived in a different continent but he was decided to make it work by working as an expat here in Asia to get closer. I was supposed to be on the same country with him early next year but he just decided he wanted to try something else with someone to sort his feelings. Yes, I am the same poster btw.

 

It's just hard, I came from a very traumatic 1st love experience (1st love had became abusive mentally, emotionally and physically bec he developed a mental illness) and him being the second relationship I had. I became very careful and very selective of whom I'd let in bec of past experiences but it seems tho as if I am very unlucky with guys.

 

It really ate up my self esteem and made me felt like I was a trash and can be forgotten easily.

[shastaa]

I was the rebound guy for someone I fell in love with. This happened 3 months back. The relationship developed very quickly. We spent almost everyday together. She'd buy me gifts. We made plans. She started talking about a lot of things..a lot of sweet things. She came to eventually tell me she loved me only to go back to her ex shortly afterwards. A few weeks afterwards, she eventually stopped talking altogether because she promised him she wouldn't contact me again and that was that. I was left alone to rot with all these pointless memories. I am very aware now, that it's affected me immensely.

 

In your case, you two were together for a significant period of time. Rebounds are short. I do understand your anger though. In the end, it all feels the same when you are dumped. Especially when someone leaves you and tells you they want to see what else is out there. This person was your world and they basically went ahead and told you weren't worth it after receiving the best you had to give. How could you not feel like crap.

 

Let yourself feel what you need to feel. The pain, the anger. Don't expect yourself to pull it together so quickly. Forgive yourself for the time you'll require because it did mean something to you. And then carry on with your life as best as you can. That's all you can ask of yourself. One day at a time.

 

Hope that helped.

I guess I was thinking I am a rebound because he wasn't fully over his ex and I was the most available person to him shortly after their BU. I cannot remember how many months had pass already after BU when he started to reconnect with me and stay close through FB. I was adamant at first to get close as I was aware of the distance, cultural differences etc but he was persistent. It wasn't long when I fell for him bec I've known him before. But he says for him it's different and that he wants something "normal" getting close to a person by seeing her multiple times a week, going places etc as opposed to LDR where we can only see each other during holidays.

 

He's not even sure why he said he "loved me".

 

Just like you, it scarred me. And I think I it had made a very big impact on my life. I am sorry you're also experiencing the same thing. For days I had been praying to turn back time just so I could've avoided it.

[basil67]

I've read your posts, and I'm not seeing a guy on a rebound. Instead, I'm seeing a guy who wanted to make it work with you, but the long distance proved too difficult. And to be fair, its completely reasonable for him to want a partner who he could see easily and frequently.

 

I'm sure you can find a great guy who lives near you.

[shastaa]

I've read your posts, and I'm not seeing a guy on a rebound. Instead, I'm seeing a guy who wanted to make it work with you, but the long distance proved too difficult. And to be fair, its completely reasonable for him to want a partner who he could see easily and frequently.

 

I'm sure you can find a great guy who lives near you.

Hi Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

 

I hope I can see it that way too. I just can't understand the fact that I have laid all possible pros and cons to him when he said he like me more than as a friend. I told him that things wouldn't be easy considering distance, language, cultural differences etc. and now I'm left with no option to pay for the things I wared him about.

 

I know he deserves to be happy too and I don't ever wanna stand in the way, but I just can't wrap myself to understand why he had to jump ship now when we're close to be together soon? Why just now when I would always tell him in the early stages of RS that if he wants to date others he can do so as long as he leaves me alone so I can lose the attachment. Why did he suddenly left when he had already made plans and hammered it into my head?

 

I just feel used, I know he told me that girls back in his home country doesn't oay much attention to him, that's why he likes Asia very much as he gets the attention. zhe even mentioned during BU that he went out with someone for a lunchdate days prior BU.

 

He doesn't even know why he told me he love me, and up until the last moment he kept saying he doesn't know what he really felt for me. If that doesn't make you feel the relationship is fake, dunno what else will.