2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 I have been dating my gf for about 5 months, everything is going good for the most part. cutting to the chase though, we both have access to each others phones and can go through them. we had had an argument about something petty a few nights ago, so, yesterday morning I looked at her internet browsing history and noticed that she was searching for apartments and jobs back in her home town, she lives 8 hours away from there. I confronted her about it and asked her what it was about, she said that she panicked when we were arguing and went into survival mode, then she told me that she was looking at comparable rates for apartments in her hometown and my hometown bc we are living in an apartment. I called her a liar and asked if she wanted to move back and I guess we were over. She declines that and tells me that she loves me very much and doesn't want to leave me. I also have access to the phone bill bc her phone is on my account and I haven't noticed any odd numbers or text. She freaks out bc I am pissed and calls my mother to talk to her, I don't know what they talked about but my mom said the same thing, that she doesn't want to leave me and is truly sorry. I don't know what to do
Lorenza Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 Which poster had these words in his/her signature? "If you think that having each other's passwords is trust, then you're gravely mistaken" Or something like that. They're very true. You shouldn't search through each other's phones and surfing histories, OP. That's not trust. For a relationship to work, you should not have access to your partner's private devices and still be 100% sure they're not doing anything wrong. Of course, hiding your devices isn't good either, there has to be a healthy balance. 4
kgcolonel Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 2005, IMO, you need to chill....dude, she was scared at that stage and did likely see the R as being over and needed to know that she had options. People do that and then reason kicks in and they realize that it is only an argument. Unless you want to chase her away, ease up on her and give her a reason to stay instead of calling her a liar. That will indeed cause her to rethink her presence with you. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 She made an inquiry when she was scared. She wanted a plan B in case you left her high & dry. She's a smart cookie. She didn't put down a deposit. Apologize to her for jumping to conclusions & work together with her to fix whatever the original fight was about. I look up real estate & vacation destinations all the time. Doesn't mean I'm getting a divorce. Stop overreacting.
BaileyB Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 I simply do not understand why people feel that they are entitled to search someone else's private communications. This is about trust - and there is no trust in this relationship. How can you expect her to give you her trust when you clearly have not earned it. 4
coolheadal Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 I have been dating my gf for about 5 months, everything is going good for the most part. cutting to the chase though, we both have access to each others phones and can go through them. we had had an argument about something petty a few nights ago, so, yesterday morning I looked at her internet browsing history and noticed that she was searching for apartments and jobs back in her home town, she lives 8 hours away from there. I confronted her about it and asked her what it was about, she said that she panicked when we were arguing and went into survival mode, then she told me that she was looking at comparable rates for apartments in her hometown and my hometown bc we are living in an apartment. I called her a liar and asked if she wanted to move back and I guess we were over. She declines that and tells me that she loves me very much and doesn't want to leave me. I also have access to the phone bill bc her phone is on my account and I haven't noticed any odd numbers or text. She freaks out bc I am pissed and calls my mother to talk to her, I don't know what they talked about but my mom said the same thing, that she doesn't want to leave me and is truly sorry. I don't know what to do Listen forget it, just go on like normal. She told you she doesn't want to leave you! Listen and drop this nonsense. You making more trouble that it's worth. 1
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 What you do? both of you change your PW on your cel phones and stop looking through each others phone. If you have to let each other look through your phones, that isn't trust at all. Real trust is that you have no need to and to respect one's privacy. 1
vanhalenfan Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 Am I the only one thinking it is strange that you've only been together for "about 5 months" but you have access to all of each other's devices, are on the same phone plan together and live together already? This all sounds a little premature and can cause it's own issues now and down the line. 5
coolheadal Posted November 11, 2017 Posted November 11, 2017 Am I the only one thinking it is strange that you've only been together for "about 5 months" but you have access to all of each other's devices, are on the same phone plan together and live together already? This all sounds a little premature and can cause it's own issues now and down the line. Lack of trust with him not her. I have my current gf on my family cell plan. Nothing wrong with this. But unlike the op I trust my gf not like he's doing snooping around looking for trouble where there isn't any..
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