Do I still have a chance with her — your thoughts.

[The_Wanderer]

Here I am, on this forum because I have been asking myself the same thought over and over again. It's not a question of whether I should or not, because typically anyone will say to move on and find someone else. I'm sure plenty have been where I've been and are only saying that because they do not want to see another person stuck feeling this way, but unfortunately I do, so I've come here to ask for some honest opinions. No one here is my ex girlfriend, but given what I'm about to explain. I'm just wondering if I've even got a chance.

 

Quick summary of our relationship. We've been dating for two years, our first long term relationship. We began when we were 16 and 17. We are now 18 and 19, I've been out of school for a second year now and she just started university. We are both creatively-oriented and talented. She paints / draws at a professional level and I create graphic art and short films of the same caliber. For our entire relationship, we had practically only each other as best friends and connected really well. Typically, we shared every interest and marveled in each others talent. However, we were both self-concious (wish I could attach a picture because she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen) and I'm not bad looking myself, but I'm very skinny. Clothing never fit me right and I often strayed away from the tight fit shirts and the big silver watch she bought me at Christmas because they just didn't look good on me.

 

The past 4-5 months of the relationship was hard, I did not get into school again for a second time and a few things got me really depressed and suicidal. I also had a huge addiction to gaming and spent many, many nights avoiding her (not on purpose) in front of the computer and would go days and even a week or so at a time without seeing her. Towards the end, my gaming addiction had come to an end and once she began university, I really stepped up my game and called her every night, but unfortunately, she slowly drifted away and one night instead of following through with our plans of seeing each other, she was at the park after university with another guy. She assured me that they were not dating and then proceeded to tell me after over the phone that she no longer loved me.

 

I was absolutely devastated and went over to her house the next weekend to talk about things. I mostly balled my eyes out and she teared up as well. She assured me that she never wanted me out of her life and that she would like to be friends (sounds like some Grass is Greener syndrome). We hugged and agreed to no contact. Two weeks went by and I messaged her a few times, my fault, but it was nothing big, she was upset none the less. Another week went by and she posts a picture of her new boyfriend on Instagram. Something she's never done before that quickly, not even with me when we began dating. Another three weeks go by and interestingly enough, she still viewed my stories and liked my photos on Instagram as if nothing happened.

 

During that month, I wrote a letter. The letter was handwritten and it basically detailed about the first time we met, the regret and sorrow I have for what happened, the things I'm doing to change (work out, earn money, get a car), the memories we had and how I'd love to have more, letting her know that I respect her new relationship, but will be here for her should she change her mind and saying I will always love her.

 

5 weeks after we had broken up, I sent that letter (Oct 31) and she read it with no reply since and on that night she read the letter, she posted another picture with her and her new boyfriend. Still with me? Well, a good friend of hers told me that this new guy is not much of a talker, he's a lot older than her (23) and isn't as good looking. She even said he's got an "average" face, but he can grow facial hair, I cannot. He's also got a car so he can drive her around, but he does not have social media, despite her being on social media quite a bit. He's also not into our music (40s, 50s, 60s) music, plus I'm sure there's plenty of other things he's not into that she and I are.

 

I don't know, I guess at this point I'm just trying to find some kind of hope. I want to work out so that nice silver watch she bought me can fit around my wrist, I'd like to pick up a nice car with a good stereo so that I can blast our music (Dion, Del Shannon, Elvis), but even then, will she reconsider?

 

We have now blocked each other from our social media accounts (mainly because I asked her to because the temptation to see her stuff and to message her was too much, despite her never wanting to block me either), but every night she still views my stories on a second account that I know she never ever uses aside from posting some photography photos every 3-4 months. Right now, as of Nov 8. almost 7 weeks after we've been broken up and 4-5 new posts / snaps with the new boyfriend, I'm just left wondering if she'll ever turn around.

Edited November 9, 2017 by The_Wanderer

[Steve51]

Your problem is not as you stated. Your problem is finding a good Psychologist to help you deal with your other problems. I was like you. My girlfriend since I was 15 and I got engaged when we were 18. I was 117 lbs at 6' tall. We were both gifted students with bright futures ahead of us. Problem was that I did not know what I wanted to do since my parents are uneducated and my dad is a government working bee. I had no idea of the professions out there and what they were like so I joined the Army to live life for awhile. We got engaged before I shipped out to combat. She cheated on me and she broke it off.

 

Of course I focused on the cheating as if that was the big problem. It was not. In fact, had I married a woman who I could not trust to be faithful my life would have been ruined. She went on to become a drug addict, bipolar, schizophrenic, and had a child by some unknown man, married for money and then divorced and married a woman. And to think that my big problem was whether she would come back to me.

 

First fix yourself and as a wise person told me, once someone tells you that they no longer love you, write them off for love is not something that can be willed into or out of existence. Once gone it does not come back. The person may come back but it will not really be due to love. It will be because you are there as her safety net. Ask yourself if you really want to marry a person who is a proven cheater, liar and deceiver? Is a person like that likely to last long as a mate?

 

BTW, I did see a doctor and went on medication. Losing that girlfriend was the single best thing that ever happened to me. If not for her I would never have met my wife of 45 years, took a job that led to earning in the top 5% of the nation by the time I was 30 and having the great life that I have. At the age of 66 I talked to my doctor today and have discontinued all of my meds except one. I resisted treatment but when I got it, life got good. So good that I became one of the top two experts in my field worldwide and that was without a college degree, the only person doing what I did without a degree and the only one doing it under the age of 30. My problem was not my cheating girlfriend who went on to become a drug addict with mental illnesses and learned she is a lesbian now happily married to a girl. My problem was me and how I handled what I did not see was a toxic situation. Once I fixed me, my life became great.

 

P.S. After the cheating my next girlfriend asked my best friends to gang bang her right in front of me. Then I married my wife and she supported me for the first year of marriage but fell ill and was disabled for over a year so I had to give up my dreams and get a job. Turned out to be the best thing in my professional life. As you get old you realize that your life is the sum or both the good and bad that happens to you. The problem is that you do not know the bad stuff will end up being good until much later. The heck with her. I did not even finish college and make more than my doctor does and I work from home 3 days a week. It is not what happens to me that matters. It is what I do about it that that does.

[HumanMachine]

No chance, it has been 7 weeks and she’s clearly happy with the new boyfriend. Block the second account and move on with your life.

[Highndry]

It's over. As hard as it is to face, you need to accept it. There's nothing you can do. Period. She is gone and enjoying attention from another guy, and probably others after that. Sending letters and professing your love will only repulse her and push her further away. Maintain your dignity and self respect and move on, never contacting her again.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is typical at your ages, OP.

 

She doesn't have GIGS - she's just young and exploring. I realize that doesn't minimize the pain for you, but it's rare that teens stay together a very long time. They grow and change and want to see what else is out there. So, the chances of her coming back and staying back are indeed very slim.

 

Ask your "friend" to stop feeding your information about her new boyfriend. That is not helpful, because as you can see, your ex obviously likes him and her reasons for that are hers and hers alone to understand. Comparing yourself to him is futile. Get yourself into treatment for your issues with depression, gaming addiction and suicidal ideation. You need to look after you now, and when you're ready, a new and lovely girl will enter your life.

[PegNosePete]

She assured me that they were not dating

HA! Yet suddenly she is now in a relationship with this guy?

 

You need to open your eyes OP. She cheated on you and lied to you.

 

Even if she dumped her new boyfriend and came back to you -- which is not going to happen -- why on earth would you want her back after she treated you like that? Why on earth would you ever want to speak to someone who does that to you???

 

You need to accept the kind of person she is and accept what she has done to you. You need to respect yourself and not accept this kind of treatment.

[TheWoman]

"The past 4-5 months of the relationship was hard.... a few things got me really depressed and suicidal... I also had a huge addiction to gaming and spent many, many nights avoiding her"

 

Im sorry The_Wanderer you sound like a nice guy, but at 18 most people do not have the maturity to cope with depression & addiction in their partners. I understand avoidance is part of depression as well, but she probably didn't know that and would have felt that you were shutting her out. Similar happened to me at 18, and although I know differently now (nearly 30 years later!) at the time I felt that he had left me first.

 

Honestly the best thing you can do for both yourself, and for any chance of this working out in the future, is focus on getting well. Work hard and try for school again, look into ways to deal with your depression and addiction. Eat well and exercise. To have a good healthy relationship you have to be healthy and well to start with.

 

Wishing you all the best x

[d0nnivain]

You have bigger fish to fry. Please tell me you are talking to your parents about your depression & desire to commit suicide. Yes, things are not going great for you right now but that will change. You will find your path.

 

Alas, your path is not hers. You had a good run but now that she's in college she sees a whole new world opening up. A BF back home who is still seeking direction & who admits that he ignores her in favor of video games, simply isn't as exciting as all the new adventures at college, including this other guy.

 

She views your stuff on social media because you two were together for a long time & the thought of never talking to you again overwhelms her. She kinda wants her cake & eat it too -- have you around but be free to date others. That's not good for you; don't allow it. Block the other account. Her looking at your stuff doesn't mean she wants to get back together