april Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Dating in/out of your league? My ex was 19 years younger than me. We were never on the same playing field. April
shiro kuma Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 This is the wrong frame of mind to have, nobody is out of your league. For either sex, your human just like they are so whats with this crap of "Oh, I can't ask her out because he/she is waaay out of my league," you should never put a guy/girl on a pedestal, it should be equal.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 What a fun topic- My first love was model gorgeous. He was also highly intelligent- genius level really. What was so great about him was that he was so smart but because he was so gorgeous people didn't have a clue, it was so unexpected! I thought perhaps he was out of my league but I guess he didn't. We were each other's first love. My second high school boyfriend was not very good looking and turned out to be a jerk. Apparently he thought I wasn't in his league. I was going through alot of turmoil in my life and I think that is the reason I was with him. I dated jocks the rest of high school. Then after high school I got back together with my first love for a bit but then he moved away for work and we grew apart. My first husband was a salesperson in a blue collar environment. Average looks wise. After the separation I had tons of guys hit on me, doctors- a race car driver. I think that I've had a tendency to date guys who are not technically in my league looks wise. I'm saying that only because lots of people tell me I'm beautiful and such, but I've don't really see myself that way. I've always thought I was cute enough but nothing spectacular. My hubby now- he and I are evenly matched in the looks department or so I think. Lots of his friends say, "I don't know how he got you" and stuff like that but I just don't see myself as being more attractive than he is. He's a teacher and a coach. His family, however has alot more money than mine did growing up but that's not a factor in why I married him. In fact, I didn't even know about it until we were married!
933KJL Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 I think the league has more to do with your own self assessment of yourself. Typically (not always) it is based on physical beauty, and on other times money, status, or career. I read an interesting article in Maxim once about a group of Navy Seals and how they pick up women. It is actually pretty brilliant. They honestly assess themselves and approach 2 points below. The object was sex, not marraige. So if you are a 7 you approach a 5 and if she is with a gruop of women all the better..you talk to and flirt with the 5 and it will piss off the higher ranking and making the 5 feel all that much better about herself and willing to go for it with someone clearly "out of her league" Another tip they had was that as a group during their travels they ALL collect business cards from the same people, and then swap them with each other. So if a team of 12 meets 10 people they have a total of 120 cards, and then each member takes ten of the same one to give out to the ladies--a false identity and the fact that there are ten of the same card makes the story a little more plausible and the guys only need to remember the one name. Of course this was strictly for the one night stands!
Art_Critic Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Originally posted by 933KJL I read an interesting article in Maxim once about a group of Navy Seals and how they pick up women. It is actually pretty brilliant. They honestly assess themselves and approach 2 points below. The object was sex, not marraige. So if you are a 7 you approach a 5 and if she is with a gruop of women all the better..you talk to and flirt with the 5 and it will piss off the higher ranking and making the 5 feel all that much better about herself and willing to go for it with someone clearly "out of her league" Interesting read 933KJL. .. Mathemetics .. I've never broken it down into the simpliest forms as you just did
JS17 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Originally posted by 933KJL I think the league has more to do with your own self assessment of yourself. Typically (not always) it is based on physical beauty, and on other times money, status, or career. I read an interesting article in Maxim once about a group of Navy Seals and how they pick up women. It is actually pretty brilliant. They honestly assess themselves and approach 2 points below. The object was sex, not marraige. So if you are a 7 you approach a 5 and if she is with a gruop of women all the better..you talk to and flirt with the 5 and it will piss off the higher ranking and making the 5 feel all that much better about herself and willing to go for it with someone clearly "out of her league" Another tip they had was that as a group during their travels they ALL collect business cards from the same people, and then swap them with each other. So if a team of 12 meets 10 people they have a total of 120 cards, and then each member takes ten of the same one to give out to the ladies--a false identity and the fact that there are ten of the same card makes the story a little more plausible and the guys only need to remember the one name. Of course this was strictly for the one night stands! That's just dishonest and cheap.
933KJL Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Hey I did not come up with it, I just read the article in Maxim (well maybe it was FHM or Stuff---they are all male Cosmopolitan wannabees)
RecordProducer Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Very nice question, Merin I absolutely support the theory that people shouldn't marry those who are not in their league. Money has nothing to do with it. It's more a matter of education, upbringing, mentality, intellect, interests, and class overall. I dated one guy and married a guy who were much lower at the society scale than I am. I made terrible mistakes. I shouldn't have looked at their side at all. Their class influenced our relationships, it was the strongest factor that split us in both cases. I still have huge problems with my ex-husband, because due to his low class, he doesn't comprehend so many things and it's impossible to communicate with him. He doesn't listen or understand what I am saying. Same when I tell him something about the children. He thinks the sun is not dangerous so they can burn, he thinks they can eat junk food, teaches them swearing and curses, etc. It's very important to be with someone within your league. All the differences come up on the surface when you marry this person!
Author Merin Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 IMO having common ground... wanting the same things and/or goals for the direction of your life is more important than other things... AND I feel a person can find that with a variety of people regardless of thier occupation or social standing....
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 I tend to feel most comfortable dating my equal. Although I have hair, I end up dating alot of bald guys. Maybe it's the computer geek thing I have going on. I am intimidated by: good looks power money but I have done my share of intimidating the guys. (No, I'm not full of myself...I have been told this). I am so shy. I can flirt like crazy online but the few guys I have met told me they didn't think I was this shy. I'm not so much shy as I am quiet/softspoken. Sometimes I just don't know how to respond without looking like a dork, so I keep quiet....and I get giggly.
RecordProducer Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Looks has nothing to do with league. An ugly, but super-educated and nice-mannered girl from a high-class, wealthy family cannot be in the same league with a gorgeous, jobless bum who grew up in the street.
tanbark813 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Nothing bespeaks of class so much as talking about what rank of society you come from.
Author Merin Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Nothing bespeaks of class so much as talking about what rank of society you come from. *Burp*
Outcast Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Nothing bespeaks of class so much as talking about what rank of society you come from. Applause!
RecordProducer Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Nothing bespeaks of class so much as talking about what rank of society you come from. Very funny! But nobody talks about it. We just think about it. Denying the existence of society classes is like denying Darvin's theory of evolution. Do you think that we are all the same?
flowergirl Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Record Producer: I'm sorry that you had negative experiences with your exes, but I think that speaks more of them than it does of the class they're from. I'm from an affluent family, and have had a very negative experience dating a "jobless bum", but that's because he as an individual is a loser, just as I'm sure anyone from Wall Street or "the right side of the tracks" can be. Right now, I'm dating a poor, lowly roofer, and he is just as worthy, intelligent and good as those who are higher up in society than him. Character is the most important thing in a relationship, because it'll stand the test of time when nothing else will.
Outcast Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Denying the existence of society classes is like denying Darvin's theory of evolution. There may be economic classes but to think that belonging to one or another of them says anything about behaviour or character is a serious error in judgement.
RecordProducer Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer I disagree. They call it "socio-economic" for a reason. There's much more to "classes" than $$. EXACTLY!!! I didn't say that high-class means rich. There are poor people with a lot of class and rich people that are low class. My ex-husband who I said was low class had more money than me at the time. But it's true that if a few generations of one family have been rich, they tend to reach the high class because of good education, associating with the elite, different standards, etc. The first sign to recognize class is their language and manners.
Jayhawks Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Nothing bespeaks of class so much as talking about what rank of society you come from. I come from the classless society.
battleworn Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 I come from the classless society. Arkansas?
kitkat826 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer I disagree. They call it "socio-economic" for a reason. There's much more to "classes" than $$. Yes, "class" has to do with things besides money, like culture. Culture in a lot of ways creates norms and influences behavior. It is these norms and behavior, or difference of them between partners, thats create conflict in relationships. Of course, among people of the same class, culture and behavior can vary wildly. There are "poor" people who make the same amount of money, in the same profession, of the same education level, but with completely different religions. There are "rich" people who make the same amount of money and of the same ethnicity and religion, but are completely different personality-wise, to the point that a long term relationship would never be possible. "Class" is just a good determiner of a lot of traits that people consider important for a serious relationship, but its not the be all end of all. Things like character transcend class. Remember, character and behavior are two very different things and should not be confused.
FataMorgana Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer I absolutely support the theory that people shouldn't marry those who are not in their league. Money has nothing to do with it. It's more a matter of education, upbringing, mentality, intellect, interests, and class overall. I'm with you on this one RP. In a long term relationship with someone (or marriage), sooner or later incompatibility in all these things does come up and things start to bug one partner or both, things that you originally thought are cute or different about the other person can turn into a "what am I doing?" feeling few years later and make both partners feel out of place. I've been there a couple of times (seen from both directions) and it never ended positively, hence trying to learn from my mistakes...
Outcast Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 education, upbringing, mentality, intellect, interests, It's awful tiresome when people speak about one thing when they mean another. None of those things have anything to do with 'class'. Not one iota. Of course you need to be compatible in those things but that's not about 'class'. That's just about finding people with similar characteristics.
RecordProducer Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast It's awful tiresome when people speak about one thing when they mean another. None of those things have anything to do with 'class'. It's awfully tiresome when someone acts like the only book they've looked at is the dictionary! Don't give us an explanation of the word "class." When we say "low class" we all know what kind of people we're talking about. If you think I don't know what class is then be so kind and define it for us, because it seems to me that some people perfectly understand what I am talking about.
Grinning Maniac Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 "This is the wrong frame of mind to have, nobody is out of your league. For either sex, your human just like they are so whats with this crap of "Oh, I can't ask her out because he/she is waaay out of my league," you should never put a guy/girl on a pedestal, it should be equal." Nothing bespeaks of class so much as talking about what rank of society you come from. Quoted For Truth. PS: "Silver spoon. Emergency Room. Proctology. Forceps. We'll need lube soon."
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