warp123 Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 The old thread was deleted for some reason. Short version of what i wrote on the thread: For months ive been talking with a business manager, we have so much in common and talk a lot specially before going to bed. We say goodnight/good morning every day... After 3-4 months like this, we finally meet in person. She says she always goes veeeeery slow. She leaves some work pending to meet me one day. The "date" is perfect and longer than planned, we cant stop laughing and talking. Since she likes to go slow, i dont even think of kissing. She works 7 days a week and has to leave her job when she needs to go to the doctor, meet her family for a couple of hours... and arrives at home exhausted very late. She is the manager (but not owner) of 5 restaurants but shes considering quitting because its draining her life. Finally, i try to discover whats her plan with me, i do a bad move and ask her (revealing my intentions) unfortunately, it seems shes too stressed and has almost no time to even think of dating, but that "you never know what life brings, you cannot plan things". I she says shes too busy and stressed i believe it, shes the kind of person that speaks his mind for good and bad. Im pretty sure that if she didnt like me she would tell me. -------------------- NEW PART: Okay, so... the popular reply on the forums was "move on". Like a user said, to not look like an angry little kid, he suggested i should slowly fade out, instead of just disappearing and blocking her. And so i did. As days passed, my replies were shorter and i took more time to answer. I say good night for the last time, and so she does, since then i dont talk her. Just one day passes with 0 contact. At night she says "hello, how are you?".... "isnt this getting cold?". So im thinking, cold? Was there even "heat" to begin with? Is the "i like going slow" girl unsure of her decisions and wants to see what time will bring, or im just too optimistic because ive developed feelings for her?
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 If you like her, continuing seeing her when she can fit you in. Managing 5 restaurants doesn't leave much time but if she's willing to give you what little free time she has, take that as a good sign & enjoy her company.
Highndry Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 There's no reason to do a slow fade out. You've talked to this woman for a long time, simply tell her that you are obviously looking for different things. She sounds like she wants a friend, not a lover. 4 months to meet and you haven't even kissed? What in the hell are you getting out of that relationship? I know I would be absolutely miserable.
Author warp123 Posted November 8, 2017 Author Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) There's no reason to do a slow fade out. You've talked to this woman for a long time, simply tell her that you are obviously looking for different things. She sounds like she wants a friend, not a lover. 4 months to meet and you haven't even kissed? What in the hell are you getting out of that relationship? I know I would be absolutely miserable. She likes to go slow and has stated this so many times even before meeting in person. She is not used to dating, she said she met me because weve been talking too much and for too long. She is normally super shy about meeting someone and was joking about drinking a shot at home to not be nervous, she didnt and felt super comfortable with me (her words). Forgot to say, she would like to meet again. Edited November 8, 2017 by warp123
TheTraveler Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 She likes to go slow and has stated this so many times even before meeting in person. She is not used to dating, she said she met me because weve been talking too much and for too long. She is normally super shy about meeting someone and was joking about drinking a shot at home to not be nervous, she didnt and felt super comfortable with me (her words). Forgot to say, she would like to meet again. It looks like backing off peaked her interest again and now she wants to meet. If you want to go at a snails pace, then go for it. Me? It isn't worth it. But, you do you.
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 She likes to go slow and has stated this so many times even before meeting in person. She is not used to dating, she said she met me because weve been talking too much and for too long. She is normally super shy about meeting someone and was joking about drinking a shot at home to not be nervous, she didnt and felt super comfortable with me (her words). Forgot to say, she would like to meet again. Her job, as least for the time being, is her boyfriend and her lover. Just a simple fact. When you're that busy and stressed, there is little room for other people in your life unless you MAKE the time and put in the effort. I have no doubt that deep down she wants more out of life and that includes a proper relationship. She admitted that her job is a life sucker. Between her job responsibilities and her lack of confidence, taking things slow is the only speed she can deal with for the time being. Which is perfectly understandable and acceptable. The question here isn't so much HER intention but how long can YOU hold out for her? I've been experienced the flip side of this. As much as you may really like this person and enjoy the conversations and banter, there comes a point where you have to figure out how long you want things to go on like this, particularly if you have feelings for her. Are you dating or talking to other people? Keeping your options open? Seems only fair that you do since there are no guarantees how long she needs or if she'll change her mind at some point. The bottom line is simple; if you continue with this girl, you need to be okay with the fact that she's in the driver's seat and you're just waiting around for the green light however long or short. If that's cool, great. If not, then you need to be straight up with her about things and let the chips fall where they may. There is no need to fade on her. Good luck.
Author warp123 Posted November 8, 2017 Author Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) It looks like backing off peaked her interest again and now she wants to meet. At the time we were saying goodbye the day we met, she told me we should meet again. Also said that if i go trekking with my best friend she would like to join us. Are you dating or talking to other people? Keeping your options open? Well lets say that shes my fav by far, but there are others around that i dont see as a potential partner and they dont mind, if you know what i mean. If this thing with her progressed, i would stop seeing any other. Edited November 8, 2017 by warp123
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 Well lets say that shes my fav by far, but there are others around that i dont see as a potential partner and they dont mind, if you know what i mean. If this thing with her progressed, i would stop seeing any other. Then there you go. It sounds like you're prepared to wait it out then. There is nothing wrong with starting out as friends and slowly moving in the direction of something more. Some women need more time than others and enjoy building a solid foundation before entering into something romantic. Patience is a good quality to have especially with someone you genuinely like. BUT, I will caution you not to wait around indefinitely either. You don't necessarily want to place a deadline on things which will only make her feel pressured and work against you, but you do have to be realistic about things. Sometimes these kinds of arrangements get stuck in the friendzone for too long that it becomes difficult to escape. I think it's important to make it abundantly clear that you want more and are willing to take things slow provided she's in agreement that you're moving towards something more.
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 When you date a busy person, you don't have any place to be complaining, because you chose to date them when you could go find someone who has more time. 1
Author warp123 Posted November 8, 2017 Author Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) When you date a busy person, you don't have any place to be complaining, because you chose to date them when you could go find someone who has more time. I dont complain, just ask advice. Sometimes these kinds of arrangements get stuck in the friendzone for too long that it becomes difficult to escape. I think it's important to make it abundantly clear that you want more and are willing to take things slow provided she's in agreement that you're moving towards something more. So you, as a woman, think theres way out of friendzone? Im pretty sure she already knows i have a romantic interest in her, i didnt talk much about it to not sound needy or desperate, things keep going on like nothing happened or so it seems. Edited November 8, 2017 by warp123
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 So you, as a woman, think theres way out of friendzone? Im pretty sure she already knows i have a romantic interest in her, i didnt talk much about it to not sound needy or desperate, things keep going on like nothing happened. Being 'pretty sure' isn't good enough. If you like her, if you have feelings for her, if you want something romantic with her you MUST make it clear to her. Women are notorious for holding out and shy girls are the Olympic athletes in this category. You've been talking for a little while, you met and want to meet again. All good signs. She took the time to express to you HER feelings and therefore you owe it to her and to yourself to let your intentions be known as well. This is called COMMUNICATION. Declaring your feelings and intentions doesn't make you come off as needy for heaven's sake. What you're doing is making sure there are no misunderstandings and that you're at least reading from the same book in the hopes that one day you'll read from the same page. And yes, it's very easy to be boxed up in the friendzone in situations like this unless you make it known you want more. If you don't, you'll be there indefinitely and that's when it will be too hard to transition. That's my advice to you.
Author warp123 Posted November 8, 2017 Author Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) Being 'pretty sure' isn't good enough. If you like her, if you have feelings for her, if you want something romantic with her you MUST make it clear to her. Women are notorious for holding out and shy girls are the Olympic athletes in this category. You've been talking for a little while, you met and want to meet again. All good signs. She took the time to express to you HER feelings and therefore you owe it to her and to yourself to let your intentions be known as well. This is called COMMUNICATION. Declaring your feelings and intentions doesn't make you come off as needy for heaven's sake. What you're doing is making sure there are no misunderstandings and that you're at least reading from the same book in the hopes that one day you'll read from the same page. And yes, it's very easy to be boxed up in the friendzone in situations like this unless you make it known you want more. If you don't, you'll be there indefinitely and that's when it will be too hard to transition. That's my advice to you. I told her before meeting "i would like to know you and see where this ends", she then started mentioning countries (one of her options if she quits is leaving this city for some time to disconnect a bit) so i guess she was joking about me going with her? Actually i think she mentioned it. Also has joked that i should be an english teacher (she wants to learn english) After this I told her "come on, you know what i mean" and she said "yes i know". There was no awkward pause we just kept talking normal things, and days later we met in person. Day after i told her i really like both her personality and body, thats when she brought up that she is too busy. Texts after that were normal like if i hadnt said anything. So yes, she knows i want her. Edited November 8, 2017 by warp123
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 I told her before meeting "i would like to know you and see where this ends", she then started mentioning countries (one of her options if she quits is leaving this city for some time to disconnect a bit) so i guess she was joking about me going with her? After this I told her "come on, you know what i mean" and she said "yes i know". There was no awkward pause we just kept talking, and days later we met in person. Day after i told her i really like both her personality and body, thats when she brought up that she is too busy. Talks after that were normal like if i hadnt said anything. So yes, she knows i want her. Sorry but this was super lame...I really like your body? No wonder she told you she was too busy. That's probably the last thing a self proclaimed shy girl wants to hear. Reading those exchanges, it says nothing to me. You weren't clear about much apart from sounding like you want to get into her pants.
Author warp123 Posted November 8, 2017 Author Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) Sorry but this was super lame...I really like your body? No wonder she told you she was too busy. That's probably the last thing a self proclaimed shy girl wants to hear. Reading those exchanges, it says nothing to me. You weren't clear about much apart from sounding like you want to get into her pants. Hahaha no no no no, wait, not like that, im not that kind of person. While we were dining we made jokes about physique, specially herself, shes 31 and complained about how age affects the body. In that conversation i told her that no matter how she felt with her body, she looked great. It was in a friendly way, joking, and did in no way sound like i wanted to get her naked, in fact i remembered her that im not going that way. I told her i love her lips and she laughed. Thats the only compliment. Edited November 8, 2017 by warp123 1
lolablue17 Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 This thing you have with her is actually dead so you have nothing to lose. This is the perfect position to be totally and brutally honest. If she asked "isn't it getting cold" answer exactly what you feel. Call her (not by text. ask to phone her) and tell her that you wish someone who will want you, who will desire you, who touches you, who thiks about you a lot, and someone that can have a relationship with you. She is very suitible for that, only if she really wanted, and was willing to sacrifice some thing for this relationship. Since you've noticed that she is not really interestedm you wish her all the best... and bye bye.
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