Hoping one day, I don't love him.

[bluemt001]

Its been two months that we broke up and in a three days it would have been our 3 year anniversary. So ask myself why can I not stop thinking of him if he dump for someone else? He said he was unhappy. So am I stupid to still love a man that less than month that we broke up with me has a new girlfriend? I question myself, why is this happening to me? I can't stop crying so much for him and for us today. I know it might be one of those dark days today and maybe tommorow will be a better day; and I probably won't think of him but today I wonder what I did wrong to make him dump me like this. I tried to reconcile with him fews day after the breakup. I even gave him my last love letter, speech, text, video and hug to fight a love that I thought we had but I guess it meant nothing. He said to our friends that he is happier with her and deep deep down in my heart I am trying to be glad for him but I question myself did he ever love me? I know it's a silly question maybe he did once but why did he not communicate with me if he was losing interest of us or even me? Why did he prolong this relationship? He even said he loved me few days before the break up. Why? I wonder if I tried harder or something would he still be with me? Maybe I am being dumb but I think if I fought harder for us maybe he would stay. I just don't get how he can easily forget about us like that. I know compare to beginning of break up I feel better but they are days that I wish this was only nightmare not reality. Maybe in the end I am stupid since I still have his gifts, letters, pictures, plush toys stored into a box. Maybe I am hoping he will come back but i need to face it he probably won't. And it hurts. I really thank from the bottom of heart my family. They have given me alot love and support, which has help me alot in the beginning of days of the breakup but I can't burden them all the time hearing my problems. So, I have keep my emotions hidden towards them. I need to face this alone and be strong but it sometimes hard. I wonder why I am writing this now? Is it because I had a dream about us being together today or that he still sees my Facebook stories even though he has a girlfriend? I think it is so funny that he views my Facebook stories. I tried not overthink it. He might just have been bored or curious. Who knows? I know I can't see this as a sign of hope because let's face if he wanted to communicate with me he can if he wanted to but he hasn't. I feel dumb to silently hope that he still misses me. I am stupid to think this but what can I do? I love him. For anyone who read this post, I thank you because I wrote this while crying and now at the end of writing this post I am not crying as much anymore. Maybe I needed to vent this because I don't have so call friends who I can trust. Am I afraid if i tell my friends they would probably tell my ex? And i dont want that. So I just stay strong and pretend that I am doing ok. I even post in my social media the good times I am having with family and friends. And don't get me wrong, the things I post I am happythose moments but it doesn't change the fact that when I am alone I sometimes wish he was with me. He was first love. He was my best friend. I even thought we were soulmate but I guess I was wrong. He wasn't a bad boyfriend to me at least those 2 years and half month. He treated me nice but at the end he did acted like a idiot with his actions. Anyways, I thank you for everyone who read my post. I needed to vent out. So thank you. I just hope one day I can wake up and actually say that I don't love him.

Edited November 8, 2017 by bluemt001

[toomanyquestions123]

Thats heartbreaking !! Cyring while posting this !!! Well you are not the only one dealing with this... I have been there when my ex broke up with me, I thought he loved me but he just left, i had to deal with this for months, waking up everyday thinking of him, blaming myself, hating/loving him. I was really really hurt, i didnt have my closure. I just didnt know what happened, did i do somthing wrong or the problem is his ? i thought he was happy with me...

 

But my dear what you going through right now wont stay, day after day month after month you will find yourself moving on & the pain will go less. Just do stuff that will keep you busy from thinking about him. It is healthy to cry for his memory, do not suppress feelings, let it out of your system !