country gal Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 i'll make this short. i just broke up with my bf of one year a few weeks ago. he is a great guy, my best friend, but i just know that he isnt right for me. it tears my heart out to leave him behind and hurt him, but its the right thing to do. well he's having a difficult time understanding all this because he didnt do anything wrong. "it" was just wrong. so today at work i received an email from his mom asking for an explanation of why i left her son and borderline attacking me (not to mention hanging it over my head that he was shopping for an engagement ring). now, she is a very nice woman. i really like her and was planning on sending her a letter thanking her for being wonderful prior to all this, but at this point she is obviously crossing the line into inappropriateness (to me anyway). my question is, do i respond, and if so, what do i say??
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 To me it sounds like ignoring her would not be in your nature. You can thank her for her input, and tell her you appreciate her concern for her son but kindly tell her that what happened was between you and her son. Maybe mention that it is a good thing he didn't spend his money on something that wasn't meant to be. Any explanation you offer will not change any of the facts, or the way you feel. She is not helping her son heal his broken heart by contacting you.
Art_Critic Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 I think that because she didn't e-mail you to find out how YOU were doing and only e-mailed you to attack you and butt into your and your ex's relationship I would do nothing.. No reply .. If she was due a reply she should've written you a nicer e-mail Something tells me that she will resend the e-mail and if she does I would reply with that you don't owe her an explanation and you and your ex just didn't work out.. Tell HER to move on ..
Beachgrl486 Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 I would just not respond. I know it is her son and all but it really is none of her business. You have to follow your heart. You have to remember that you are not doing anything wrong. He probably had something to do with her writing that e-mail. I still would just ignore it. Dont feel bad about it either.
quankanne Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 ignore the email because while she might be upset about the breakup, it's really not her place to interrogate you why you're not with her son anymore. Ideally, a concerned parent or friend will be supportive, but not pushy. She's definitely overstepping her boundaries here.
Author country gal Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 i definately dont think he had anything to do with her writing the email... in fact when he finds out i think he's going to be pissed at her and embarrassed (he's 28 years old, btw ... and yes, a bit of a mommas boy still). i do agree that shes overstepping her bounds.... and that she did show no concern for me at all, so thanks for pointing that out. well, i'm glad i got out of there while i could.... dont think i could stand a mother in law who meddles that much in her sons life!
strangelove Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 See this is why I exist on here... Country gal let me explain whats going on from the ex and the mothers point of view. Every mother has an idea who she would like to see her offspring with. And im sure she really likes you alot and is upset that it hasnt worked out between you and her soon. And fortunely she is not able to express it so eloquently. This is kinda her way of saying I really though you would be an amazing wife for my son and im upset about this situation. And in fact perhaps she is afraid of nothing having a friendship with you because of this. You wrote: i just broke up with my bf of one year a few weeks ago. he is a great guy, my best friend, but i just know that he isnt right for me. it tears my heart out to leave him behind and hurt him, but its the right thing to do. You tell her exactly what you said here. Should you reply to her email? Yes absolutely. I wouldnt start off by retaliating though I would. Say something like I know you are very upset over this, as am I. However if you explain the situation out for her and she decides to harrass you then I wouldnt reply back, unless any further corespondence is friendly. Ultimately go with what you feel like doing ie gut. I believe you wish to reply like an polite well bred country lady would. or listen to the nay sayers.. up to u really.
Art_Critic Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by dr strangelove See this is why I exist on here... or listen to the nay sayers.. up to u really. Dr Strangelove You didn't take into account the other things she wrote.. Read her whole post: so today at work i received an email from his mom asking for an explanation of why i left her son and borderline attacking me (not to mention hanging it over my head that he was shopping for an engagement ring). now, she is a very nice woman. i really like her and was planning on sending her a letter thanking her for being wonderful prior to all this, but at this point she is obviously crossing the line into inappropriateness (to me anyway). The OP has already received an e-mail the at she perceived as attacking from his mother ... I did like your explaination to what the mother is feeling.. very nicely put But she is an ADULT and has no business interferring into the relationship. The OP does not OWE any explaination to his MOTHER.. Come on ... I think that your advice about going with the gut is good and sound ...
butterfly29 Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Tell his mother to go to Codependent anonymous meetings... But really, it's up to you. Don't feel obligated to respond if you don't want to. You really don't have to. She was way out of line and if she can't see it now, hopefully she'll realize later on how stupid that was of her to write this email. If she never does, still that's her problem. You're entitled to break up with whover you want to.
strangelove Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 So just because the mother is boarding on rude, that means she has to be rude as well? In fact consider this. What if her not replying makes the mother even more upset?? Why not just diffuse the situation in its present state.
Art_Critic Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by dr strangelove Is this conflict misguided passion? im begining to wonder. So just because the mother is boarding on rude, that means she has to be rude as well? In fact consider this. What if her not replying makes the mother even more upset?? Why not just diffuse the situation in its present state. Not replying is not rude... Not replying will diffuse the situation.. It ends it entirely .. And please get off my back .. I had already posted previously on this thread.. I'm sorry that you are still bitter towards me because you did not like my opinions on your post of the thread you started earlier.. but please be respectful and keep it to yourself and off of other peoples threads.. I was complimentary to you and your advice in my post... How about some of the same respect back ??
Author country gal Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 thanks everyone for your advice ... very helpful. i'm going to sleep on it and see how i feel tomorrow (leaning toward a short and sweet response however). thanks again! ps. why dont you boys just arm wrestle and get it over with. joking.
butterfly29 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 If she wrote you an email, saying something along the lines as ...I've heard about what happened between you and *. Sorry to find that out, I wish things were better, I'm sad to see you go. than responding would be a nice thing to do. From what I hear you say she did, she sounds like a total control freak with no sences of respect for other people. She wasn't just putting you down, she made herself and her son look really bad by writing that email. If my mom did that to my ex, I'd be so mad at her, I'd explode. But she is better than that, she did what a good mother should. Told me he's a jerk and a coward. I deserve better.
sundrop Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 I wouldn't reply. I am still in contact via the internet with my ex's mother, but we talk about everyday things, not about mine and her sons relationship and what went wrong. I know she loves me and wants us to be together, but he and I are adults and this was our relationship. I don't feel you owe anybody any explaination as to why you did what you did, especialy when they come off attacking you. or if you feel inclined to repond....... Tell her it is because of her medaling ways and you don't want a mother in law like her..... (just kidding) Good luck.
april Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Ewww...yuck! How awful you were exposed to this. DO NOT RESPOND BACK! April
whyohwhy Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 EASY RULE: Do not reply to inappropriate, argumentative communications. And that includes Loveshack postings!
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 You know, one of the great things about being alive is that YOU get to CHOOSE how you will respond/react to any given situation.
Mr.positive Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Originally posted by Art_Critic I think that because she didn't e-mail you to find out how YOU were doing and only e-mailed you to attack you and butt into your and your ex's relationship I would do nothing.. No reply .. If she was due a reply she should've written you a nicer e-mail Something tells me that she will resend the e-mail and if she does I would reply with that you don't owe her an explanation and you and your ex just didn't work out.. Tell HER to move on .. I agree her completely
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 Yes, it's polite to respond. It would be very rude to ignore her. Just ignore her inappropriateness. Be short and kind. Something like: "I understand your concern for your son, but I am afraid I can't do anything against my feelings. I believe I explained my reasons to him already. I am so sorry I hurt him, but I just don't see us in the future. Your son is a great man and he will find someone great for himself. Thank you for everything... etc."
lostinmymind Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 It doesn't matter whether you respond or not. It doesn't change anything. I personally like leaving situations neat, tidy, and with closure. Others really don't care about all that as long as they are getting what they want. I, myself, think what recordproducer suggested is ideal. Especially this part: "I believe I explained my reasons to him already." I'm sure you already have made your decision as this post is a couple days old, but that's just my 2-cents on the matter.
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