nme Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 About a month ago, I met this girl who is an elementary school teacher on the East Coast. For these past few weeks, I've been doing work for this school, and had really gotten along with her. I see her once a week, and I always go to her classroom after she's done teaching, where we'll spend about an hour or two talking and laughing. She'll text me thanking me for random stuff I do, like saying hi to her, or bringing her food. Yesterday, we talked for about 3 hours or so, and I kinda flirted with her and even got a promise from her that she'll enroll in a grad school on the West Coast (where I live) one day. Problem is.....she has a boyfriend in Chicago. It hurts just to think of that, since we get along so well. But I guess that's life and there's "plenty of fish in the sea" right? I've never really been in this kind of situation before, so I don't really know what to do...So do I back off? Give up? Or just be friends with her? Or do things change over time and people find success? Lots of questions in my head.
Ieris Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 As she has a boyfriend then you should back off, as you wouldn't want someone else doing the same to you. If you get along great then there's no reason why you can't remain friends
Highndry Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 Shame on her. I'm sure her boyfriend would be none too pleased by her behavior. Ask yourself this: Would you be happy if she was your girlfriend and doing this with another guy? She just showed you who she is. "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you" comes to mind. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 Back off. She has a BF. Be friendly but don't pursue a friendship if you want a romance. It's a poor substitute for a romance.
coolheadal Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 About a month ago, I met this girl who is an elementary school teacher on the East Coast. For these past few weeks, I've been doing work for this school, and had really gotten along with her. I see her once a week, and I always go to her classroom after she's done teaching, where we'll spend about an hour or two talking and laughing. She'll text me thanking me for random stuff I do, like saying hi to her, or bringing her food. Yesterday, we talked for about 3 hours or so, and I kinda flirted with her and even got a promise from her that she'll enroll in a grad school on the West Coast (where I live) one day. Problem is.....she has a boyfriend in Chicago. It hurts just to think of that, since we get along so well. But I guess that's life and there's "plenty of fish in the sea" right? I've never really been in this kind of situation before, so I don't really know what to do...So do I back off? Give up? Or just be friends with her? Or do things change over time and people find success? Lots of questions in my head. Has she mislead you in thinking there was a chance to be with her or maybe it was just flirting and teasing you she was doing? When did she say she had a bf in Chicago? Before or after you had starting to get comfortable with her. She might just said that to make you back off from her give her space. If it's true then you need not to go after her this shows you she like to cheat on her BF or flirt with other men. She'll do it with you also. She's just a tease.. Is that what you want in a woman? I hope not!
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 I think you are seeing things that are not really there due to your feelings for her. The heart makes us wear rose colored glasses. Getting along with someone doesn't have to mean romance, so it's a friends zone thing, and you are letting your imagination run away with you. If it's too much to bare, time to back off, and be less attentive keeping your feelings in check.
Highndry Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 I think you are seeing things that are not really there due to your feelings for her. The heart makes us wear rose colored glasses. Getting along with someone doesn't have to mean romance, so it's a friends zone thing, and you are letting your imagination run away with you. If it's too much to bare, time to back off, and be less attentive keeping your feelings in check. C'mon, she's TEXTING him, which means she gave him her number. That's not just typical friendly behavior. I guarantee her boyfriend would not be on board with that. No woman in a committed relationship should be texting other guys, in my opinion.
alphamale Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 dude, don't invest any more time in this 'relationship'
TheTraveler Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 C'mon, she's TEXTING him, which means she gave him her number. That's not just typical friendly behavior. I guarantee her boyfriend would not be on board with that. No woman in a committed relationship should be texting other guys, in my opinion. Yep, this is bad all around. If you're looking to hookup and wreck a relationship(if you're that type of guy) then go for it. Otherwise, go away man and find someone else
TheFinalWord Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 (edited) About a month ago, I met this girl who is an elementary school teacher on the East Coast. For these past few weeks, I've been doing work for this school, and had really gotten along with her. I see her once a week, and I always go to her classroom after she's done teaching, where we'll spend about an hour or two talking and laughing. She'll text me thanking me for random stuff I do, like saying hi to her, or bringing her food. Yesterday, we talked for about 3 hours or so, and I kinda flirted with her and even got a promise from her that she'll enroll in a grad school on the West Coast (where I live) one day. Problem is.....she has a boyfriend in Chicago. It hurts just to think of that, since we get along so well. But I guess that's life and there's "plenty of fish in the sea" right? I've never really been in this kind of situation before, so I don't really know what to do...So do I back off? Give up? Or just be friends with her? Or do things change over time and people find success? Lots of questions in my head. You're being used. You could be a back up as a lot of times women will have a guy in the wings in case things go south with their boyfriend. But you have to know that if she doing this to her current boyfriend, she could do it to you as well. You can't just be friends as you're pining after her. If you have any self-respect for yourself, you won't settle for being an orbiter. In this case, you're bringing her food and entertaining her like a court jester. Have some respect for yourself bro, you're her man-servant. She is bored after her class with nothing else to do, and has a boyfriend, so it's no skin off her back to let you amuse her and bring her food, while you secretly think there is some chance she going to school near you some day. In these situations you have to look out for yourself. She is. Just think that you're spending all this time, and some other guy is getting all the benefits. You're making this guy's life easier in that you are satisfying the intimacy side of things, while he gets all the physical benefits. PS: I'm sorry to be harsh, but you need a dose or reality from someone that isn't tied up emotionally. Edited November 7, 2017 by TheFinalWord 2
alphamale Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 You're being used. You could be a back up as a lot of times women will have a guy in the wings in case things go south with their boyfriend. But you have to know that if she doing this to her current boyfriend, she could do it to you as well. You can't just be friends as you're pining after her. If you have any self-respect for yourself, you won't settle for being an orbiter. In this case, you're bringing her food and entertaining her like a court jester. Have some respect for yourself bro, you're her man-servant. She is bored after her class with nothing else to do, and has a boyfriend, so it's no skin off her back to let you amuse her and bring her food, while you secretly think there is some chance she going to school near you some day. In these situations you have to look out for yourself. She is. Just think that you're spending all this time, and some other guy is getting all the benefits. You're making this guy's life easier in that you are satisfying the intimacy side of things, while he gets all the physical benefits. PS: I'm sorry to be harsh, but you need a dose or reality from someone that isn't tied up emotionally. bravo *clap* 1
No_Go Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 She has a bf (doesn't matter if he's in Chicago or on the moon - she is NOT single). It is simply disgusting to flirt with her considering you are aware of this information. If by any chance your 'relationship' progresses - I'd bet money she'd be 'talking' to some next dude while you're trusting her being 'your gf' like I'm sure her bf is doing now....... About a month ago, I met this girl who is an elementary school teacher on the East Coast. For these past few weeks, I've been doing work for this school, and had really gotten along with her. I see her once a week, and I always go to her classroom after she's done teaching, where we'll spend about an hour or two talking and laughing. She'll text me thanking me for random stuff I do, like saying hi to her, or bringing her food. Yesterday, we talked for about 3 hours or so, and I kinda flirted with her and even got a promise from her that she'll enroll in a grad school on the West Coast (where I live) one day. Problem is.....she has a boyfriend in Chicago. It hurts just to think of that, since we get along so well. But I guess that's life and there's "plenty of fish in the sea" right? I've never really been in this kind of situation before, so I don't really know what to do...So do I back off? Give up? Or just be friends with her? Or do things change over time and people find success? Lots of questions in my head.
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) C'mon, she's TEXTING him, which means she gave him her number. That's not just typical friendly behavior. I guarantee her boyfriend would not be on board with that. No woman in a committed relationship should be texting other guys, in my opinion. She's an adult, she can text anyone she wants.... And the texts are random/platonic. He's not a stranger either, they are acquaintances at their job. But I agree this has gotten out of hand. She should be putting on the breaks with the OPs advances, and he should be shutting down his flirtatious behavior. Maybe she is considering breaking up with her bf. Who knows...life is full of mystery. Edited November 8, 2017 by smackie9
Highndry Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 She's an adult, she can text anyone she wants.... And the texts are random/platonic. He's not a stranger either, they are acquaintances at their job. But I agree this has gotten out of hand. She should be putting on the breaks with the OPs advances, and he should be shutting down his flirtatious behavior. Maybe she is considering breaking up with her bf. Who knows...life is full of mystery. Of course she can. She's an adult, she can go ahead and bang him, too. But is it right? No, it's not. She has poor boundaries at the very least.
rickwman Posted November 8, 2017 Posted November 8, 2017 I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. Is her and her boyfriend serious? Has she discussed him with you? Don't fill your mind with guilt, condemnation, judgement or unforgiveness. Be honest with her how you are feeling. If there's a chance of a relationship with her and her boyfriend is no big deal, great. If her boyfriend and her are serious and they love each other, move on. I'll pray and stand with you that your future is bright with the woman that fulfills your needs and if this current girl is the one in your future, God bless you both!
mortensorchid Posted November 9, 2017 Posted November 9, 2017 If she has a bf already, she has a bf already. You're just a friend to her. I don't know if she is using you as some have suggested but back off. You'll be okay, be friendly if you like but not too friendly.
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