girlinNYC Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 An acquaintance, whom I don’t consider a friend as she’s more a friend of a fiend, is quite loose with men to say the least. Has multiple sex partners, is non committal etc. Thats fine, it’s 2017 and women should be as sexual as they like without judgement. It’s not her wild sex life that I’m judging. It’s the fact she doesn’t care if he is available or not. She has a history of kissing/texting guys with girlfriends. Sure, the onus should be on the guys too but they’re not the ones who hang around my friends. I want to invite a guy I like to nights out that I spend with friends, but I really don’t trust her - as she’s even flirted with her so called best friends boyfriend when she was ‘drunk.’ She hid behind the alcohol. He and I aren’t together but I like him enough to spend time with him and would eventually like my friends and his friends to meet. So I have no ‘ownership’ over him, but considering she can’t seem to resist men who are unavailable or at least men who are talking to someone else, I don’t trust her around him. I like him enough to be hurt if she tried something. The obvious thing of not inviting her to places is the logical option but sometimes other people invite her, or she simply invites herself. I know it comes across as an insecure post, but I’m not in the slightest. I simply just get annoyed at girls like her who have no boundaries or respect for other women.
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 I had a friend like that in my 20s. The "taken" guys -- other girls' BFs -- seemed even more attractive to her. Many in our circle did not like to bring guys around her, especially new guys / fresh meat. She & I were very different physically -- I'm a brunette & she's a blonde. I had moved away first to college then for my 1st job so I didn't see everybody as much. When I'd come back I wanted to hang out with everybody, including her. If I was bringing a new guy I around, I'd clue him in about her. I'd warn him that she is attractive & would be hitting on him. I'd say it's not a test; I'm not trying to set you up which is why I'm telling you. If you like her & want to go for it, that's on you but please don't think you can go there & ever come back. The exit is one way in my life. I didn't care if the guy flirted a little but nothing more & he had to leave with me. Unlike all the other girls in our circle, I'm the only one who never lost a guy to her. As beautiful as she was, most wanted no part in her game playing & trophy hunting. Try my method of dealing with her. If you are dating men with any integrity, they'll appreciate the heads up. 25 years later she & I are still friends & she's happily married, going on 20 years. 2
Raena Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 I guess you would know if he's interested in you or not depending on how he reacts to her should she flirt with him. 1
Miss Spider Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 (edited) Ya, like Raena said, it sounds like a good idea. He has the option of going with her if he wants and if that's what he wants, you should be glad because it tells you he's not the right match. I think you want to find someone who wants you instead of others irrespective of how other people act. There's always gonna be people like that in the world, whether they run in your circle or not. Edited November 7, 2017 by Cookiesandough
kassy Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 Agree warn him about her and stake your position then let him decide how to conduct himself. Just a thought though if you want to date him why not at least make out with him or let him know in some way before introducing all your friends? 3
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 What is up with people...you pussy foot around this woman, why? What does she have over you to not kick her out of the group? You are being a bunch of fools. Stop inviting her, call her out on her behavior, send her packin. Find a new group of friends. 1
Highndry Posted November 7, 2017 Posted November 7, 2017 Just because a woman flirts doesn't mean a guy's going to automatically acquiesce. Give us some credit here. If I were on a date with you and she came on to me, I would politely but firmly remind her I was there with you. I don't speak for all men, but there are some of us who have integrity and boundaries. 3
Author girlinNYC Posted November 12, 2017 Author Posted November 12, 2017 I had a friend like that in my 20s. The "taken" guys -- other girls' BFs -- seemed even more attractive to her. Many in our circle did not like to bring guys around her, especially new guys / fresh meat. She & I were very different physically -- I'm a brunette & she's a blonde. I had moved away first to college then for my 1st job so I didn't see everybody as much. When I'd come back I wanted to hang out with everybody, including her. If I was bringing a new guy I around, I'd clue him in about her. I'd warn him that she is attractive & would be hitting on him. I'd say it's not a test; I'm not trying to set you up which is why I'm telling you. If you like her & want to go for it, that's on you but please don't think you can go there & ever come back. The exit is one way in my life. I didn't care if the guy flirted a little but nothing more & he had to leave with me. Unlike all the other girls in our circle, I'm the only one who never lost a guy to her. As beautiful as she was, most wanted no part in her game playing & trophy hunting. Try my method of dealing with her. If you are dating men with any integrity, they'll appreciate the heads up. 25 years later she & I are still friends & she's happily married, going on 20 years. Great advice. I’ll keep that in mind. She isn’t in our immediate circle but she sometimes comes around. It’s enough to be annoyed, to say the least. Best to be practical!
coolheadal Posted November 12, 2017 Posted November 12, 2017 Oh one of those type of girls, Well they exist as well. I've dated one by accident the other twin when I was just got my DL. I found out I had the wrong twin because when I had taken her to the movies we both and to standing in line. She started chatting up with other guys in the line. Inviting them to hangout with us both. I said not a good idea we're on date. She didn't see it that way. These type of girls or women that's all they do. Current gf told me her long time gf was doing that with her stealing her bf for sex behind her back. Today older and I met this so call gf after the current new gf introduce me to her. She's married with one son. I would never as guy or man today jump over a hoop for such a woman where I have the best woman ever in my life now!
act00 Posted November 12, 2017 Posted November 12, 2017 I think D0nnivain's suggestion is the route that I would go, and I have done it. Just a warning about this girl. One would hope that your guy wouldn't fall for the flirting or hook up, but at least you'd know if he did, right? And the guy might appreciate the head's up as well. Of course, the best solution would be to stop inviting her and why, but you don't know if she's going to get the invite from someone else. Maybe you all need to start calling her out on her behavior, and not the one who's boyfriend is the target, but the other girls who are not in the position of being the "jealous girlfriend." You all need to point it out to her that it's totally unacceptable to go after D0nnivain's boyfriend like that (while she's actively doing it, not later on). No, it's not just talking, you're flirting and getting sexual with him and it's not cool. Just a story, I had a roommate who would always go after the guy I was interested in, and she often "got him" as well. This was back in the party days in college, and when I noticed this pattern, I would quickly pick out a guy that was pretty cute, and mention him to my "friend." I would watch her actively flirt with him, leaving the guy I was really interested in free. Why do women do this? I'm a girl and it's a head-scratcher.
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2017 Posted November 12, 2017 Why do women do this? I'm a girl and it's a head-scratcher. Childhood abuse probably.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted November 15, 2017 Posted November 15, 2017 An acquaintance, whom I don’t consider a friend as she’s more a friend of a fiend, is quite loose with men to say the least. Has multiple sex partners, is non committal etc. Thats fine, it’s 2017 and women should be as sexual as they like without judgement. It’s not her wild sex life that I’m judging. It’s the fact she doesn’t care if he is available or not. She has a history of kissing/texting guys with girlfriends. Sure, the onus should be on the guys too but they’re not the ones who hang around my friends. I want to invite a guy I like to nights out that I spend with friends, but I really don’t trust her - as she’s even flirted with her so called best friends boyfriend when she was ‘drunk.’ She hid behind the alcohol. He and I aren’t together but I like him enough to spend time with him and would eventually like my friends and his friends to meet. So I have no ‘ownership’ over him, but considering she can’t seem to resist men who are unavailable or at least men who are talking to someone else, I don’t trust her around him. I like him enough to be hurt if she tried something. The obvious thing of not inviting her to places is the logical option but sometimes other people invite her, or she simply invites herself. I know it comes across as an insecure post, but I’m not in the slightest. I simply just get annoyed at girls like her who have no boundaries or respect for other women. I wouldn't trust her either. When I started dating my ex (1st real bf), I found out my one of my college friends was very sexually loose. I don't judge sex habits, but I don't trust these kinds of women as close friends. I was shocked to find out about her sex life. My ex, her and I hung out one night, she went alone w/him on a smoke break and later told me she was scoping him out for me. We didn't stay friends for very long and that really bothered me. I have/will never spend alone time w/a friends bf or scope them out. Those kinda people you want to keep out of your life.
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