caring guy Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 OOh deary me! The one week NC rule ended today, when she called me wanting her key back & said she'd bring my jacket over (which she forgot). I'm not going into it all again, but we've been together 17 months, she awnted space due to my complacency, baggage, & her feeling i don't respect or make her feel special! During this time, she was seeing another guy she didn't go out to pull, but thought why not, as our relationship was unsteady to say the least! He's 22, she 30 & he made her feel good, didn't try it on with her, wined & dined her, she fancys him, he her, & behind my back, they saw each other, kissed, but no sex, until she finished with me on Thursday!, now they have she told me! Now i'm no Mr Perfect, i made her feel **** sometime, cry, feel insecure, wasn't there for her, complacent, took for granted i admit, & have a liking for red wine & she hardly drinks!, but i never strayed, our probs were in the home! I still love her to bits, we met today, it's hot outside & she was in shorts & vest & i told her she was beautiful, we ended up talking about our probs, i acted jelous, told her i love her so much, i reminised, she got talking about how much better he was, no baggage, how when he drinks he's normal whilst i'm a nightmare, he dresses so nice & i'm a scruff, i take her out to sh_t restaurants , he does all better than me & realy put me down, but i guess i started it. Arguments started, we both said horrible things to each other, slagged each other off & it went down hill from there. Her intent was to just meet, exchange things, go for a walk & be ok!& if i'd just done that, we could be ok now, i couldn't, not my fault, just too soon!, i wish it never happened! This didnt happen as for me, still being in love with her, i couldn't talk superficialy about this & that, but i should have thought & done it! Now i completely get the no contact rule, you can't be a friend with someone you love, until lots of time has passed & then maybe when you can be friends, & if reconciliation is wanted, then unless me, the one wanting reconciliation, has moved on still wants it, it can start from scratch again!, given the circumstances at that time! It was just too soon, ok she instigated it, but one week & i know she's with him & how i feel about her, too soon, especially as i noticed more hickeys on her neck from him. This was my fault realy, i fu_ked up, i feel guilty, but i know now it takes time, not just for what i want now between us, but to get over what may happen to her in the future if i was to meet her & she's full on or something. It's been a bad day, but there seems more fresh air.
strangelove Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Hey man. Trying to keep with the I support what your hoping to do vein I offer you this advice and few options 1. clean up your act. 2. accept who you are and find someone that is ok with that. Now the clean up your act bit is harder Id reccomend to start by going home showering.. perhaps a hair cut etc.. maybe new clothes.. This would help with a new attitude. It sucks man I know. You feel like you have been dumped for a better model. Im really sorry to hear about this... take care
sundrop Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 It's hard to see someone you love so close to a break up. The feeling are just to raw.
Author caring guy Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 Haircut is iminent, as for the rest, i need a total overhaul if she has anything to say, but i know i wasn't that bad, i know she's just looking for things to criticise at the moment! & for ever maybe! I just hurt for what i did to lose her, it was in my hands & i fu_ked up!
sundrop Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Try not to take anything to heart right now, that she says. The feeings are still to raw and I know I have said some hurtful things right after a break up that I did not mean. Learn from your mistakes and carry what you have learned into the next relationship. If she calls you with anexcuse to talk to you or has something else to give back to you, don't rely right away, give yourself and her some time to let the dust settle. And don't beat yourself up to much, we are all human.
C Mee Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 No contact is not a week. You're falling right in to her trap. If she needed her key so bad, you could have mailed it. You're fooling yourself in to thinking you can be strong in the future. You need to cut her off completely. Enough is enough. You told her she's beautiful? Why? That just boosted her ego more and gave her more confidence to pursue other dudes. I don't mean to be rude, but I guarantee you'll be posting within a week about how she contacted you and how gooey your knees got...nut up man. Grab your god damn balls and say enough is enough and mean it.
No Foolin Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Uuummmmm, I bet talking to her sucked huh? Didn't go the way you planned it? Homeboy this is simple, you will not take damage if you don't talk to her. You need to uplug from that Sh*t and get to work. Let me tell you something: you do this to yourself. So fix yourself by working on yourself. Follow the playbook and get yourself free. No Foolin
strangelove Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 'm not going into it all again, but we've been together 17 months, she awnted space due to my complacency, baggage, & her feeling i don't respect or make her feel special! Ok im not going to tell you to grab your balls. You have to realize NC is not a fixall for your problems like wd 40 or wonder wrench. And a haircut isnt going to solve it either.. but it will help but u in that frame of mind. I keep thinking of these guys I know they come from a bit rougher part of life then I do. If they break up with someone, they usually clean up their act a bit. Then when the act is cleaned up. They try approaching the girl again or they set things up so seh might see them somewhere a friend of a friend says something. I know it sucks right now and I m totally there dude I got a big huge shop and its been closed and its a mess Im reading what Im writing to right now and it feels like a light is going off. I know my ex probably has come by here to see whats going on..knowing her sneaky ways. Im gonna check up on you every few days see what your doing.. The first thing you should do is clean up your act maybe a trip to a counseller would help too . The one I went to made me understand my ex alot better. ciao
Author caring guy Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 As No foolin says, it hurt to see her again & i said she was beautiful because all the things, however small they be, like complimenting her were problems in our relationship! I won't take damage if i don't see her, yeh, but i think of her & this still damages. I saw my councelor today & she said it's impossible to be friends with someone you want to be with. When you can be friends in their company & not pushing into getting back, talking what went wrong etc!, only then can you start to be attractive towards her again, if reconciliation is the objuect of your desires! Maybe it is with me, as i know we had problems that i'm addressing & we could have a great future, it's just she only has the past to go on & doesn't believe my probs will be addressed! Yes, i could have mailed the key, i asked her this, but she wanted to go a walk with me & see me, i questioned the motive behind She's not the one hurting as she's slipped in with someone else & life at the mo goes on for her, she's used to it, she says she just don't let it get to her! Me, i'm not like that, i dwell, i cry, i feel emotion & mawn! Thats why it was too early for me to meet up, we will need to meet up, as we still have stuff at each others! She wanted to meet up, get her key, go a walk in the woods, enjoy the scenery & talk nicely! She said she wanted to be our jovial selves, rebounding of each other as usual with great humour & chat! I couldn't, i thought i could, but once i saw her & realised she had another hickey from him & she looked good, it was hard to talk superficially., I feel annoyed & stuipid, ok, she would still be seeing him, but at least we would be cool & leaft on a nice note & she would think about what she may miss! The stuff we argued about like what i didn't give her seemed like things she was saying deliberately to hurt me, but in the past when a particular thing happened, we talked about it & hugged it off! She didn't like it when i told her this guys msn profile said he likes women, she stumbled & said "well, he said that in 2004", like he's changed a lot! Sundrop, yes i won't take things totally to heart, we both said stuff i know we didn't mean, all because i couldn't just chat normally about things, this takes time & when she mails me, i won't jump, i'll just take it as it comes! I am fixin myself, slowly, i'm feeling bad now, but time is needed & posting here helps so much! thanks
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