cecilia2 Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 (edited) Hello all, Just a heads up, this is going to be long. I've been thinking a lot about this issue and would like to hear other people's opinions. I'm currently in a long term relationship. We met using an online app in Oct15 and started dating. I was very happy with him and thought he might be the one, until June16. I've had trust issues in the past where I found out things by looking on a past boyfriend's phone. Before you judge me, I know this is not a good behavior and was trying to work on that, really. So until June16 I trusted my current bf completely, until I went through his texts (I don't remember the reason why I did that, I think it was a feeling). We were spending a wonderful weekend away at the beach. I saw texts of a girl and they were talking about when it would be good for them to meet. To sum it up, I talked to him about it and she was a girl he went on a couple dates with, but never heard back from her. Now she texted him after a long time wanting to meet again. My complaint about it was that he was leading her on and being flirty, even though he was not going to meet with her (according to him and also I could see from the texts that whenever she could meet, he would say he couldn't at the time). We had an argument but I decided to give him a chance, since he said that was the only time it happened. In Oct16, I was at home and he was at work. We were living together since April16, before the beach incident happened. I had a feeling and went through his texts on his iPad. I found texts from March16, when he was at a conference, of girls he met online and exchange of pics. From the texts I can tell he didn't meet with them. When he got home, I showed him and he looked in panic that I found out about those. I asked if there was anything else I should know. He denied. We basically were awake for the whole night while I painfully and slowly extracted info from him. I went through all his possible accounts with him. He exchanged pics through Snapchat, he had been using Kik and other apps. He had even posted on Craigslist. I never found any evidence that he met these girls, and he said he didn't. But at no point he volunteered any info and told me everything; I had to ask and ask and ask. I was going through a very hard time (I had depression at the time) and he was extremely supportive. I also knew I might move to another state 8 months in the future. We had a relationship crisis but I ended up still living with him because I was very depressed and didn't have the forces to move out at that time. Very slowly, our relationship got better. He promised he wouldn't do those things again. He started going to counseling to work on this issue. It was kind of an addictive behavior, where you want to stop doing something but you can't. I moved to another state in Aug17 and we decided to keep the relationship. That would also give me time alone to reassess how I felt. We try to see each other every three weeks. The time we spend together is good, but whenever we are separated I have doubts if I should be with him or not. I was his first sexual relationship (we're both 27) and he didn't have much experience. I don't like his parents and decided that I don't want to deal with them, so I avoid visiting them or talking to them. His parents are controlling and don't help him grow up as a person. So he needs to grow up. He's my best friend and we share so many interests, and love spending time with each other. I really want him to be the one but I don't have much more sexual desire for him, or to kiss him. We have some different values and I think we both could be with other people who would complement us better. But I know that if we break up, I will miss him in my life. I don't want to lose him. I love his company and cuddling with him. But I feel like what happened in Oct16 with all the online apps can't be reversed and my feelings will never go back to being what they were before that happened. I've been feeling attracted to other people and have been feeling like flirting with them, and kind of checking out what's out there. But I feel extremely guilty about it and sad because I want our relationship to be the same again but I don't know if it's possible. I'm transparent with him and try to tell him what I'm feeling, except for the last part because I don't want to hurt him. I would really appreciate advice. Thanks. Edited November 5, 2017 by cecilia2
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 Breakup with him......you will get over missing him, just like everyone else does. If you are wanting to invest in a future with someone, you need to find the right person, and THAT is really important. He isn't the right choice...a poor investment indeed.
Author cecilia2 Posted November 5, 2017 Author Posted November 5, 2017 Breakup with him......you will get over missing him, just like everyone else does. If you are wanting to invest in a future with someone, you need to find the right person, and THAT is really important. He isn't the right choice...a poor investment indeed. Thanks for the advice. We don't have each other's passwords, so I don't have access to anything when he's not around. I don't believe that means trust either. I loved when I didn't feel the need to go through his texts, because I trusted him. I actually think that people need to be independent even being in a relationship. But he's a great guy and goes out of his way to make me happy. I don't want you to get the impression that he's a bad person, because I don't think that.
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