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I received a last minute invite to my boyfriend's sisters wedding, what do I do?

msk123

By msk123
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msk123 New Member

msk123

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I've been dating my boyfriend close to a year now, and his sister is due to be getting married in less than a months time.The first time I met his siblings was a night out on the town, and we all went out to drinks at a bar.Being a light weight I got a bit tipsy,and at the perfect moment my boyfriend also decided to accidentally show me something I shouldn't have seen on his phone. Long story short there was a bit of crying and a bit of yelling in the side alley, and he apologised for what he'd done. He made me apologise to his family, but months on they still hold this against me. My boyfriend and I are going well, we hope to be engaged within the next year (the family know it's serious) but I've discovered that his family take small jabs at disrespecting me because of this one incident, and he doesn't know how to put his foot down to them.

 

I've spent months listening to the wedding plans, the suit fittings, speeches etc. but I never peeped a word in regards to an invite because I never expected to have one.This week I received a message from my boyfriend telling me that I was invited, the same day RSVP was due.He did tell me that he had the intention of speaking to his sister to invite me, but I know this is a lie because he's never had the balls to approach her for anything.

 

I was so excited to be invited that I accepted it the same day, but now that I've really thought about it I think there might be a few issues to come out of this:

 

1.As he is part of the bridal party I know that I will not be with him at least 80% of the time

2.I know 7 out of around 250 people attending, and 4 of those 7 don't like me

3.He's already told me we will be seated on two different tables. He will be at the front with his aunts and uncles, and I will be at the back with his friends

4.If I know him well enough, he will not remove himself from his family or the bridal party to dance or spend time with me because his family will get upset.

5.On top of that,it also turns out that two of his friends and their partners were invited to this the same time everyone else got their invite, making my position well known.

 

I will be meeting up with my boyfriend tonight to discuss a few things. Some people have already told me to go, enjoy myself, and shove it to them, but him being of middle eastern descent events like this really do situate who you are in the family.

If I didn't get invited I saw it as a big problem. If I didn't accept the invitation, I would've had a problem. If I were to now decline that invitation, I will still have a problem.

 

I love my boyfriend and I don't plan on leaving him. I know he attempts to keep the peace with his family and I, but most of the time this comes at my expense where his family can sh** all over me.What do I do?

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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You go and hang out with the three people you do get along with. Look at is as an opportunity to meet new people.

 

You're eventually going to be part of his family, so now is the time to suck it up and be the bigger person. Go and try to have fun.

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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You go and hang out with the three people you do get along with. Look at is as an opportunity to meet new people.

 

You're eventually going to be part of his family, so now is the time to suck it up and be the bigger person. Go and try to have fun.

 

Agree. This will probably not be the only time you attend a wedding as a plus one when your other half is in the bridal party. It happens to loads of people.

 

If you find yourself alone at the table at some point, play Words with Friends :).

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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P.S. Don't get drunk.

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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I would go to show them good faith. Be happy and don't start fights, and don't get drunk. You can be bigger than whatever the problem is. If you don't go, you are showing them that you are afraid of something.

 

Exactly what was on the phone? If you are not comfortable saying directly, maybe that would have some more insight ...

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msk123 New Member

msk123

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I would go to show them good faith. Be happy and don't start fights, and don't get drunk. You can be bigger than whatever the problem is. If you don't go, you are showing them that you are afraid of something.

 

Exactly what was on the phone? If you are not comfortable saying directly, maybe that would have some more insight ...

 

I had planned on driving to the event so I wouldn't be drinking. I've definitely learnt my lesson.

 

The phone issue involved Facebook and someone he used to chat with on Tinder.

LadybugLucy Member

LadybugLucy

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Go to the wedding. Show the family who you really are so they will better understand that what they saw before was not your typical behavior. Also if you can get a dance in with him, then maybe the family can see how much you two do love each other. Be nice and polite. Introduce yourself to strangers too, that way family friends will see who you are instead of hearing stories from those who don’t like you.

Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

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Try and look at this as a second chance to make a good impression on his family. They might end up being family in the near future, so be gracious and make the most of the opportunity.

 

It will mean so much to your boyfriend if you make an effort without kicking up a fuss.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Make an appearance, have dinner, make small talk, leave if it starts sucking.

CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

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If you're planning on staying with your boyfriend you will see a whole lot more of his family, so this is likely a chance to show them your good side. I've been to weddings where I was the +1 and didn't know anybody. Some of them were rather memorable because I was free to socialize as my date was busy talking to her friends.

 

It is what it is, just run with it. It the grand scheme of things it's just a few hours of your life.

act00 Established Member

act00

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Go to the wedding. Talk to the people who like you, and those that don't. You'll be at a table together, so be pleasant, have conversation, and make the best of it. Meet new people, and make the best of it. Watch your drinking. Show everyone what an enjoyable person you are. If you are going to marry this man, this will not be the only time you'll be subject to these people, so it's time to mend the attitudes. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a short break, get some air, walk around a little and go back in and continue forward. Make arrangement to have your own transportation so that you can leave if you need to...stay for an appropriate length of time. You do need to have a talk with your boyfriend about being sure to include you and not leave you by yourself the whole night. Obviously he'll be at a different table for dinner and may have obligations, but he can certainly be sure to keep you at his side for a lot of the reception and introduce you and include you. If he ignored you the whole night, I would consider this a red flag.

 

Second, I worry about the future with this man. As you are well aware, when you marry him, you marry his family. He allows this bad behavior towards you. He doesn't stand up to them. This is not a good place to start. As a married couple, you are a unit (you are one now) and his loyalty has to be with you and you are an undivided front. You have to know he has your back and will not allow his family to stomp all over you or treat you poorly. He has to be willing to create boundaries. He has to be willing to tell them you (as a unit) will not be attending functions until they can learn to treat you better. What's going to happen when the children come into the picture? Are they going to railroad you on how the children should be raised, and take over your children, do what they want despite your wishes (religion, diet, discipline)? Think long and hard before embarking on this one. If he can't put his foot down and have your back now, how is this going to play out in the future? A wedding ring won't necessarily change the dynamics of this relationship. You'll be miserable and you and him will fight constantly about his family. He has to be prepared to make you the priority.

warp123 Established Member

warp123

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Its a good sign that hes inviting you, hes getting you close to his family, so he takes you seriously.

 

What i find disrespectful or rude is that you wont seat together, its like you will be there, but you wont be there.

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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This is your chance to redeem the drunken first impression you made. Go to the wedding and be gracious to everyone (including and especially the ones who don't like you).

 

Don't put your bf in the impossible position of having to defend you to his family when the only behavior they've observed is more or less indefensible. This is a case where showing is far better than saying.

  • Like 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Its a good sign that hes inviting you, hes getting you close to his family, so he takes you seriously.

 

What i find disrespectful or rude is that you wont seat together, its like you will be there, but you wont be there.

 

He's in the wedding party, so he probably has to sit at the head table, at least for dinner. Hopefully after dinner is over he will spend time with her.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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What i find disrespectful or rude is that you wont seat together, its like you will be there, but you wont be there.

 

It is about wedding etiquette, not a snub.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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What i find disrespectful or rude is that you wont seat together, its like you will be there, but you wont be there.

 

Hardly. Even if they were married, if she wasn't part of the wedding party, they would not be sitting together.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Hardly. Even if they were married, if she wasn't part of the wedding party, they would not be sitting together.

Yup been there done that. My husband got stuck with the bride's crazy drunk obnoxious friend. They had to go up there for the first dance....I was laughing, it was such a spectacle. I remember my husband mouthing "help meeeee". lol The bride apologized profusely about her friend....I don't think they are friends anymore.

Edited by smackie9
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