Amy In Clouds Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 Hi, thanks for reading. I dated my ex for a few months last year. He was flakey, unreliable but affectionate, and when we would meet up, it was amazing. But every time I would complain about his cancellations and lack of communication, he would call me pathologically insecure and dramatic. Eventually I snapped and accused him of lying to me and called him an idiot. He called it off, I was heart broken. He told me I was mentally unstable and needed help. He also publicly (though indirectly) insulted me. Fast forward to September, we ended up at the same party and he could not get away from me. We danced every dance and he hovered a lot. He never really made a move, but all our friends commented there were significant looks and we looked great together. A few days after the party he texted me he wants to put all of it behind us. He told me not to get the wrong idea, but he was just being honest. I suggested we should meet - and we did. We talked for about two hours. He apologised for everything, told me he was super immature and he would take it all back if he could but it's too late. He recognised my efforts and told me he was just messed up. He insisted we should stay friends. During this conversation he was very tactile with me and complemented me a lot. He is single, and so am I. Before we parted our ways, he told me to call him for a coffee or a walk. So he said he wants to be friends and it's too late for us now. (I didn't react to this at all as I myself was processing some things). Does he really just want to be friends? If not, do you think it's a bad idea to get back together? If he doesn't care about me anymore why would he go out of his way to meet up with me and suggest we should stay in touch? I am very confused. Thank you in advance for your help.
alterest Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 No, he want to get you somehow, for fun or for relationship, doesn't matter. But, for what you said, he was pretty imature. You should talk to him to see if he is changed. If both of you going back together, take a deeply talk about everything and go slowly... Very slowly. And see if that is what you want. Maybe he want that just to keep you wainting him, and if he can't find anything out of there he will have you there. Or he really miss you... We can't know. What you want? Do you want to get back to him?
stillafool Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 Tell him you can't be his friend because you still have feelings for him in a romantic way. Tell him that you are looking to find an exclusive relationship and when you do it wouldn't be fair to your new guy to have your ex as a friend. Wish him well and tell him good bye.
1fish2fish Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 I agree with him. He is immature, and he's lazy as well. If he really wanted to apologize for his behavior, he would have reached out to you before seeing you at the party. YOU were the one who had to suggest meeting, too. Also, as soon as anyone says "but" after an apology waters down that apology. He's testing the water to see if you'll accept being "just friends" as a consolation, thus alleviating his guilt for being a dick to you. By him asking you to call him for a "coffee or walk" is only asking you to feed his ego. He sounds like a jerk. 2
SpecialJ Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 Agree with 1fish. Sounds like he gaslighted you while you were dating, and now he's downgrading you to see if he can. If you accept it, then he didn't have to feel guilty about what he did and maybe, just maybe, can hook up with you casually one night, with no strings because you're friends. Do you want to be friends with him? You didn't say anything here to indicate that you like who he is enough to give him your friendship. 1
Author Amy In Clouds Posted November 5, 2017 Author Posted November 5, 2017 I am being very careful. I gave all of myself into a relationship only to be attacked with, in my opinion, irrational and unfounded accusations. I believe everyone deserves a second chance, not necessarily romantically, but a chance to prove they have improved as people. The thing is, I have a lot of good friends, I do not need another one. So I will not put a lot of effort into it. If he wants to be in my life, he has to prove it. Not that he does though. I am not indifferent but there is so much happening in my life right now, I do not have time to think about him all the time like I used to, fighting to keep in my life a person who did not fight for me. So the answer is I do not know what I want, and if he does not help me figure out whether that means having him in my life, I will not go and try to figure that out for myself.
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