coolheadal Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now and we have what I would say a good relationship- although I believe we need to work on communication. Last weekend I spend two days at his new house with him, and we went to his sisters to get something. She was talking about how their dad was in town and he briefly mentioned “Yeah, we are going hunting next week.” He did not tell em what days, when he would get back or anything. Monday comes and he usually does a social event those nights which he texted me and he mentioned it. I didn’t hear from him again until late Wednesday night when he asked how my day was going. I asked him and he mentioned seeing Moose and I clued in he was hunting. Since then I have not heard from him but what bothers me is that I have no clue when he will be back and he didn’t even really tell me any details... so when I didn’t hear from him I was confused. I understand he’s on a hunting trip but i would have liked some information, because now I feel as though I have to wait to even hear what day he will be back, and we already only see each other once or twice a week. Would you be upset by this? Nothing to this just a man things he gone on a hunting trip without you. I guess he didn't think about it just something he does (for men only). Just ask how was his trip and leave it as that. The best course of action to take.
Southern Sun Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 I think Midknight Dreams has a point...sometimes men are routine hunters and they make assumptions about what the rest of us know. Considering you've been in this relationship now for 8 months, this will be your first hunting season with him. He probably is not thinking about what you know and what you don't. And hey, he texted you. Sometimes they will shut down all communication while gone. Further...I don't know your BF, but men do NOT think like women do. He may have thought he told you. He may have thought what he told you was enough. He may have thought he gave you all the info you apparently needed, and if you wanted more, you would have asked. You didn't ask and now he'd be like, huh? Why are you upset? I'm taking days off to be with my dad. Sure, it could be nefarious or avoidant or whatever. But it could be none of those things.
KBob Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 The not telling you he had a week off work is an oversight on his part, but you shouldn't immediately get upset because you don't know what he's thinking. Maybe he just forgot to tell you but thought he did? People do easily make mistakes like that. It is, however, in the realm of reason for you to ask for info on the trip when you were in contact, and I think you should have done that. When he gets back from the trip, simply leg him know you would like a little more info when big trips like this happen and I'm sure the whole situation will work itself out.
Author acapelo_dp Posted November 5, 2017 Author Posted November 5, 2017 Then big issue here is that the OP does not have the relationship and connection with her bf that she thinks she does. After 8 months of dating, he did not feel he needed to even mention to her what he was doing in the next week...Had the sister not said anything then the OP would still be in the dark. I guess this for him is not a real relationship, it is just a convenience, and nothing more. In contrast, the OP sometimes takes shifts off her work so that she can see him, and here we have him taking a week off work without consideration for her at all, obviously she was not on his radar enough to even mention it. The OP needs to seriously reassess where this is going. He is a divorced man, who perhaps does not really want to get too "involved" and this "casual" 1-2X a week dating may suit him just fine, and she is a 27 yo woman whose clock is I presume ticking. I do not see this going "anywhere", and at 27 it is never good to waste precious time with people who a) do not prioritise you and b)take you for granted. Sorry for the late response. I was a bit emotional when writing the thread because he DOES have a good heart and I belief he cares about me but I want more time with him honestly. He really is busy - he plays many sports and has social events and always invites me to them, I feel as though I only see him on weekends and he doesn’t try through the week. I did no initiate contact last week because I knew he was busy with his dad and didn’t want to bother him. He contacted me Friday asking how my day was and what my weeekend looked like, and today he texts me that “your boo is home!” I responded with an excited meme and it’s been almost 2 hours and I was assuming he was going to ask me to hang out. So I just sent him a text asking what he was doing tonight. If I know he’s not busy we are usually 40-60 on the initiating and asking to hang out (me 40 percent of the time). He always invites me to social events, planned for New Years, I’ve met all his family and best friends and I even helped him move into his new house but just something is missing. We are both bad communicators but I have brought this issue up before that id like more time together and he just says well sometimes as much as you want to see someone it’s not possible with schedules which is true but. He’s a great guy and there’s no othe red flags, he is always honest and open with me when I ask questions or have a discussion but I am starting to feel like just a convenience to him. After 8 months I feel like we should be closer.
lana-banana Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 Not all relationships move at the same pace but there's no encouraging explanation for his total lack of urgency. If it's been eight months and you're only seeing each other on weekends, it's because he's happy with the way things are. You don't sound satisfied, so my suggestion is to cut him loose and find someone who shares your relationship priorities. I know it's hard, but it's only going to get harder if you let it go on even longer. 1
Author acapelo_dp Posted November 5, 2017 Author Posted November 5, 2017 Not all relationships move at the same pace but there's no encouraging explanation for his total lack of urgency. If it's been eight months and you're only seeing each other on weekends, it's because he's happy with the way things are. You don't sound satisfied, so my suggestion is to cut him loose and find someone who shares your relationship priorities. I know it's hard, but it's only going to get harder if you let it go on even longer. When I talk to him that maybe there’s just not enough time for a relationship he says “I feel like that’s just an excuse to leave the relationship” and I have said well maybe we can just date casually and he said “but I really like you.” We have had discussions about the future. Example I asked him if he would ever get married again and he said yes. I’m wondering if I should talk to him about this again? How should I go about bringing it up? I just don’t want to seem clingy. He isn’t afraid of commitment - I’ve seen what that looks like and that’s why my last relationship ended. He is sure he wants to be with me and never has doubts about us but I feel as though he is content with the way things are now.
lana-banana Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 Did he say he saw himself getting married to *you*? There's a very big difference between maybe getting married and wanting to marry you. A response like "But I really like you" would have really put me off. It does sound like he cares for you but is not sufficiently invested to move things forward. Yeah, he's busy, but even busy people can and do make time for each other when they want to be together. It's not good for him to be treating you as such a low priority at eight months.
Author acapelo_dp Posted November 5, 2017 Author Posted November 5, 2017 Did he say he saw himself getting married to *you*? There's a very big difference between maybe getting married and wanting to marry you. A response like "But I really like you" would have really put me off. It does sound like he cares for you but is not sufficiently invested to move things forward. Yeah, he's busy, but even busy people can and do make time for each other when they want to be together. It's not good for him to be treating you as such a low priority at eight months. Well to be fair I didn’t specifically ask marry *me* because I feel it’s too soon to be discussing it. However I asked about his wedding out of curioustiy and he said the party was fun and that his family had a blast. I made a joke that I could never marry him because I would have to throw an even better party and he said “ya, if I ask you you will.” Even when I talk wth his best childhood friends they say they still can’t figure him out. I just don’t understand how he had a house with his ex wife and got married because I even see moving in together at this point ages away! I think I’ll soeak with him tonight.
elaine567 Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 It's not good for him to be treating you as such a low priority at eight months. Exactly. He is so "busy" with just about everything else and asking you along sounds good, but essentially he is doing what HE wants and fitting seeing you into his schedule, like he is killing two birds with one stone. He is the one in control of his "schedules" but instead of making time for you, he chose to fob you off. Yes, I agree you should be closer but he is not really putting in the effort. Does he come with you to see your friends or family or does he visit your home? Or is it really just all about him?
I'veseenbetterlol Posted November 5, 2017 Posted November 5, 2017 Agreed. In my relationships we would definitely plan our leave together and go on holidays together (or at least would be boasting about getting time off). Which prompted my questions above to find out more about this relationship. To me, it sounds distant and closed off. I would expect more after being together for 8 months. Exactly, I see the situation the same way. Sounds very shady to me as if he did have extra time off, he could have spent it w/you or at least tried to invite you on the trip. My bf and I have been going out for about 1/2 a year and he let me know he was gonna be out of town way before he left. During the week we don't see each other and we don't tell each other all our details, but if one of us is leaving town for trip, we let each other know. He does sound really distant and disinterested. 1
Author acapelo_dp Posted November 5, 2017 Author Posted November 5, 2017 Exactly. He is so "busy" with just about everything else and asking you along sounds good, but essentially he is doing what HE wants and fitting seeing you into his schedule, like he is killing two birds with one stone. He is the one in control of his "schedules" but instead of making time for you, he chose to fob you off. Yes, I agree you should be closer but he is not really putting in the effort. Does he come with you to see your friends or family or does he visit your home? Or is it really just all about him? We have mutual friends as well so he does see mine sometimes but I also don’t have a lot of social events to invite him to. Most of his friends are married with kids so there are dinner parties, and holiday parties. I’m sure if I invited him out with my friends he would say yes - he has in the past. My family lives in another province but he wants to go on a week long trip there with me in May and said he’s excited. So he is happy to do things.
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