Didyouknow96 Posted November 3, 2017 Posted November 3, 2017 Okay, so basically at the end of the summer I went on two dates with a guy and we sort of hooked up after both of them. We're in college so it's sort of common to do that-please don't judge. Prior to us hanging out, we had been texting quite frequently, for around a week. We had pretty deep conversations and he revealed some personal things to me, as did I. We had really nice chemistry when we hung out. Here's the important part, we met through reddit, and in my post I stressed the fact that I was going abroad and would not be around for September-December. I don't think he remembered though, because when we were talking in person, he seemed very caught off guard and said it was "weird" that I was leaving. He said some stuff like well I guess you might find someone new, or I might find someone new, or when you get back we could restart this. But then after the second time we hung out, despite everything going very well again, he really withdrew and stopped texting me. Like five days later I asked him how he felt about our situation, he said, "okay I think, why?" I said I was worried he was upset that I was leaving. He never responded. Do you think he's just straight up not interested? Maybe the sex wasn't good? Or do you think he was hurt by the fact that I was leaving? I just felt so annoyed because I had stated that in the original post! Also important: He's a major nerd. He studies engineering and from the looks of his reddit account mainly spends all his time coding and learning about 3d printing. He revealed to me that he had only "done stuff" with one other girl, during high school.
Miss Spider Posted November 3, 2017 Posted November 3, 2017 (edited) I don't think it was either one. It's more likely he doesn't want to do a long-distance thing. That takes effort. He wants to keep his options open while you're gone and perhaps resume when you return. ( I was in a similar situation. The guy is gone until December so I said we should break and resume dating when he gets back.) Edited November 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Author Didyouknow96 Posted November 3, 2017 Author Posted November 3, 2017 I know, but it's just weird to me that he couldn't just say that and had to get all moody. Like just be up front, damn.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted November 3, 2017 Author Posted November 3, 2017 No one has anything to suggest..?
BluesPower Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 You should not be surprised... Most of your contemporaries, especially computer nerds, can't form a complete sentence much less talk about their emotions with a woman, or anyone really. He does not know how to express himself. I can assure you the sex for him was great. So that is not it. Just go on your trip and check him out when you get back. And if you want to get him to open up take away all distractions and try to have a convo with leading questions. That way you will help him talk about his feelings. Not sure why you care. I mean there are a ton of men available... 1
act00 Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 Maybe he forgot you were leaving, or maybe it suddenly dawned on him that this is real...you're leaving. I suspect he doesn't want to get invested in a LDR or in a relationship that may go nowhere. You could meet another man during your time away, multiple men, even if just dating, nothing serious, and during your time away, you could decide he's not the one. He could likewise meet someone, and he doesn't want to tie himself down to something with you and close the door to someone else...since you won't even be around. It sounds like he likes you, and the fact that you're leaving has thrown him off because you're leaving, and no one can predict the future, and despite it only being a couple dates, he likes you a lot, enough to see this move forward, and you're leaving. I would say to maintain contact if you and he wish, and when you get back, see if you can pick up again.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted November 4, 2017 Author Posted November 4, 2017 You should not be surprised... Most of your contemporaries, especially computer nerds, can't form a complete sentence much less talk about their emotions with a woman, or anyone really. He does not know how to express himself. I can assure you the sex for him was great. So that is not it. Just go on your trip and check him out when you get back. And if you want to get him to open up take away all distractions and try to have a convo with leading questions. That way you will help him talk about his feelings. Not sure why you care. I mean there are a ton of men available... Yeah, I mean there are a lot of guys out there, but he was really sweet and I like the idea of not having to shop around when’s I get back. I guess I’ll just hit him up when i go home.
salparadise Posted November 4, 2017 Posted November 4, 2017 Do you think he's just straight up not interested? Maybe the sex wasn't good? Or do you think he was hurt by the fact that I was leaving? None of the above. I think the fact that you're leaving is a problem for him, but hurt is not the right word. I think he likes you, probably feels you have girlfriend qualities... but he's protecting his heart, and I can't say that I blame him. Men are affected by sex too. It causes us to have feelings for a person. He's probably having feelings for you, would love to continue seeing you and allowing a relationship to blossom. But being a rational type he understands that after two dates (and instant sex), four months is a looooong time. And he realizes that if you "hooked up" with him on dates one and two, when you go to abroad you're probably going to be hooking up there too, and with a lot less inhibition than on campus. Nobody wants to have feelings for someone who they know (or believe) is across the pond hooking up while he's sitting at home wishing it were him. What's the solution to that problem from his perspective... back off and block the feelings. That's rational. Just plan on seeing him when you get back. And don't tell him about your sexual escapades while you were gone, even if he asks. 1
Author Didyouknow96 Posted November 4, 2017 Author Posted November 4, 2017 None of the above. I think the fact that you're leaving is a problem for him, but hurt is not the right word. I think he likes you, probably feels you have girlfriend qualities... but he's protecting his heart, and I can't say that I blame him. Men are affected by sex too. It causes us to have feelings for a person. He's probably having feelings for you, would love to continue seeing you and allowing a relationship to blossom. But being a rational type he understands that after two dates (and instant sex), four months is a looooong time. And he realizes that if you "hooked up" with him on dates one and two, when you go to abroad you're probably going to be hooking up there too, and with a lot less inhibition than on campus. Nobody wants to have feelings for someone who they know (or believe) is across the pond hooking up while he's sitting at home wishing it were him. What's the solution to that problem from his perspective... back off and block the feelings. That's rational. Just plan on seeing him when you get back. And don't tell him about your sexual escapades while you were gone, even if he asks. Thanks, this is really good advice. I can't quite decide if I should text him right when I get home or wait until January when classes start back up again.
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