Glittergirl007 Posted November 3, 2017 Posted November 3, 2017 I met a guy online around 3 months ago. We began texting everyday and at the time he was really into me. I held back of course because I'm not really sure of online dating and didn't know if I actually wanted to meet him. Long story short I cancelled meeting up with him 3 times. He, however, continued to want to talk to me hoping he could eventually get me to meet up with him. We ended up starting to talk on the phone and then eventually did meet up. We have been on 5 relatively shorter dates. They have gone ok and we do enjoy spending time together, however everything is progressing very slow. We continue to text throughout the day and talk on the phone sometimes. He frequently states how he likes talking to me, he thinks I'm great, etc... But this is kind of hot and cold. Anyways I think now I've developed feelings for him and I think he is losing interest. I notice he is always on the internet dating site and last night his texts to me were slower and he was on there all night! The thing is he still wants to meet up with me this weekend. I point blank asked him if he was stringing me along and he said no. But why would he be all over these internet dating sites constantly? He tells me he wants to continue to see where this could go but then somedays his texting slows down and he is on those sites. His texts last night were like "I can't believe we haven't made plans for the weekend yet" all the while he was showing up as "online" on the dating site. He also mentioned that he has a family event planned Friday and Saturday. We tentatively have plans Sunday. I really like him but I'm thinking now may be the time to just stop talking with him before I get more invested. I'm thinking he is not as interested anymore or he wouldn't be on those sites and slowing down the texts. Should I just ignore him if he contacts me again? I'm not sure if I want to meet up with him this weekend either because I don't want to continue to get more invested. I worry he is looking for other options and when he finds one he is going to drop me quickly. And unfortunately I now feel sick about this because I really like him and his personality. Any advice?
smackie9 Posted November 3, 2017 Posted November 3, 2017 I don't think he ever stopped shopping around and going on dates. It's pretty obvious he is multi dating, and if he isn't behaving like he's really interested, then you tell him you have decided to move on.
Lobouspo Posted November 3, 2017 Posted November 3, 2017 Well, first of all, you cancelled on him three times so can't really blame him not putting all his eggs in one basket. Second of all, anyone you meet OLD is going to be active on sites until you have an agreement about exclusivity. Yes it can be ego bruising, but that's just the nature of OLD. He's probably talking to other people and going on other dates. You like him. Make specific plans to see him again. If he balks move along. Either way, keep your options open and see other people yourself. 3
Author Glittergirl007 Posted November 3, 2017 Author Posted November 3, 2017 But how do people determine where a relationship is going to go with OLD if you don't ever know where the person stands? I'm definitely not ready to bring up exclusivity at this point, but at the same time, why invest in someone who is also investing in other people! he knows I'm not dating around! 1
stillafool Posted November 3, 2017 Posted November 3, 2017 Well just because you are not dating around doesn't mean he has stopped shopping. If you two are casually dating and he is also casually dating others (which most people do until they settle on someone) you are in a race. Why do you think it was okay to cancel 3 dates on him but he is not allowed to slow down with you? 1
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2017 Posted November 3, 2017 Everybody's dating styles are different. You don't multi-date & you came across like a cold fish to begin with. You are actually extremely lucky that he didn't give up on you after the 1st cancellation. Waiting & dragging out the first meet is generally considered a lack of interest through OLD. Most people want to get that 1st meet out of the way as soon as possible. Most people don't really want just a pen pal. If you are unwilling to bring up exclusivity or even have a talk with him about where you stand, what exactly do you expect him to do? He can't read your mind. Your actions are extremely inconsistent. He has no idea what you want because you act like you don't know what you want & you are not talking to him. Right now everybody on LS knows more about where you stand then this guy who you have been on 5 dates with over 3 months does. Is that fair to him? Look at this from his perspective. He's not going to invest in you because you don't look like a safe bet. Take control over your life. Tell him what you want. Since you are already ready to throw in the towel, if after actually talking to him he doesn't want what you want, you have lost nothing. You already gave up without trying. So talking to him costs you nothing. Next time learn to communicate, stop expecting men to read your mind, especially when you are unclear, and above all don't shoot yourself in the foot by exhibiting signs of disinterest & flaky behavior 1
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