Have you ever met someone through OLD without a pic?

[CryForNoOne]

This all sounds good on the surface, but in this day and age, or via OLD, I believe safety is something that must be considered. Being able to ID the person you are dating is very important as you are approaching them, the venue, etc.

 

"This day and age..." What exactly does that mean? Violent crime peaked in the 80s and has been in steady decline for decades. Sexual assault is DOWN 63% since 1993. It's actually MUCH safer now than it has been in decades. It's just that we have so much more access to information than ever before and the media and politicians know how to fear monger better than ever. And it obviously works...

 

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem

 

I don't see how in any shape or form that meeting someone that doesn't have a pic is more dangerous than meeting someone who does. If anything, not having a pic is pretty much a guarantee that a guy won't get ANY online dates EVER. So if you're a sexual predator, it would seem the obvious thing to do is post fake pics...

[CryForNoOne]

Because of the dramatic difference in supply and demand, I think the answer to this question very much depends on gender. If a man does not post a pic, I think that pretty much guarantees he won't get any dates. Women may have different motivations. Certainly if I had no pic and messaged her, we would not have met. Supply and demand. This was several years ago, long before I tried OLD myself, but I had a very good looking female friend who stated she never posted pics because it attracted the wrong type of guys. This was back in the days of Match.com etc before Tinder and the whole swipe left-right trend took over. But her comments certainly played into my rational behind deciding to meet the girl last night. I've also had a string of disastrous meetups with women who did post pics so I figured trying someone different to change things up might be worth a shot in the dark.

[CryForNoOne]

I find people treat first meets as something so serious it borders on the promise of commitment if they agree to meet for coffee!! It's ridiculous.

 

So what if there's no pic... go meet her. Stop treating it like a life altering decision... if you don't find her attractive, say you don't feel any chemistry and move on. It's that simple.

 

Besides, some people are very attractive but are so un-photogenic it's unreal. Pics can make you look fatter, older, and the major part of attraction is personality which a pic can't convey. That's why we often always hate our own pics...

 

So go meet... it's not a big deal.

 

It's refreshing to see someone with this attitude. That was what I was hoping for from her when I decided to meet her and that's exactly the way she was. Zero game playing. Women generally get to set the rules for OLD and they guys pretty much need to abide by them and if you don't, no dates. Right from the get go she seemed like someone who completely ignored the rules and so my intuition told me we should meet. Whether or not she's interested now in a second date remains to be seen...

 

It's shocking how many times I've seen the words "investment" and "commitment" in this thread. It's one drink. 15 minutes to drive there, 15 minutes there, and 15 minutes to drive home. People would rather spend hours and hours over days or weeks to "get to know someone better" by texting before meeting???

[d0nnivain]

The pic for me was more about how the heck am I supposed to find you in public if I don't know what to look for?

 

 

A little bit it was about giving the police some evidence if he murdered me. I was a little paranoid. It was only my 2nd OLD date & the medium itself was in its infancy.

[d0nnivain]

Look for the guy in the red Polo T-shirt and black shorts.

 

Someone trying to murder you could send you a fake pic of a good looking guy just to lure you out where he wants you. Ted Bundy was a good looking, charming guy. He used to that set his victims at ease. Attractiveness should not be used as a measure of how dangerous someone is.

 

 

Of course people could describe themselves & what they were wearing. It's just easier to find somebody with a photo.

 

 

My answer about the dangerousness & my paranoia came with the disclosure that I recognized that answer wasn't logical. Of course you can't tell somebody is an axe murderer by looking at them, unless they are holding an axe, standing over a dead body & covered in blood.

 

 

I think the OP's original point was more about risk & whether there would be chemistry then anything else. He took a chance & wondered how uncommon it was. My original post was about the fact that I tried. . . . I talked to the guy, through the site & on the phone before seeing a picture. I agreed to the date before seeing a picture. But in the end I couldn't go through with it & set forth the ultimatum: pic or I don't' show. The guy sent a picture.

 

 

Like with most anything else -- people's preferences & where they draw the lines for themselves varies.

[CryForNoOne]

Someone trying to murder you could send you a fake pic of a good looking guy just to lure you out where he wants you. Ted Bundy was a good looking, charming guy. He used to that set his victims at ease. Attractiveness should not be used as a measure of how dangerous someone is.

If there were a such thing as giving advice on how to become an axe murderer, the best advice I could give is to be good looking and charming. It's frankly shocking how many times I've seen women throw caution to the wind if they are attracted. It's not uncommon at all for me to drive her someplace else for a nightcap after she ubered to our first meet. Crazier yet is to let me drive them home. Several have told me where they work. For all the paranoia about vetting pics, talking on the phone before meeting, choosing a safe public place, notifying a friend etc... all caution is thrown to the wind the moment they are attracted...

[d0nnivain]

Sad but true.

 

 

When I was dating, they got a business card, if I met them IRL & a cell phone only if OLD.

 

 

I was very cautious. Often I had a plant in the location where we were meeting. I wouldn't talk to or look at my friend in the place but they were there. I have done it for others too.

[Cobra_X]

I just did it tonight.

 

In my experience if a woman doesn't post pictures she is married or in an LTR.

 

I met a woman with no picture. We dated for a while. I eventually found out she had a husband and 3 kids.

[mortensorchid]

That is probably my most hilarious OLD story EVER, meeting someone without a picture.

 

Firstly, if someone does not have a picture they could be a few things semi harmless (such as simply spam or even law enforcement). Or they are hiding something about themselves (they could be married, could be related to their appearance, catfishing, etc.). Like another pointed out on this thread, people are not honest about the photos they actually DO post. But I digress ...

 

Ten years ago (I remember it so well) I met this guy on POF. I do/did open the emails received from people without pictures sometimes just to see what they are sending. This guy Steve (really was his name) and I started chatting. Eventually we moved to the phone. We arranged to meet, but not before I asked him why he didn't have a picture up on the website. He said he didn't know how to do it. I left it at that.

 

So ... A few days later we were to meet. I get to the place (a restaurant) and I wait at the bar. A half hour goes by, nothing. I called his number, no answer. Then I get a call from a number I don't recognize and it's him. He went to the wrong location (this restaurant was a chain). He said he would be there soon. I said okay. Another half hour goes by, nothing. I call him, no answer. I get another call from a number I don't recognize, it's him, he's lost. He'll be there soon, he promised. I said okay. ANOTHER half hour goes by, I call him again, no answer. He calls again and said he's still lost. Our conversation went like this:

 

Me: Put it in your GPS.

Steve: I don't have a GPS.

Me: What does the map say?

S: I don't have a map.

M: You drove from (city about 60 miles away) having never been here a day in your life and you have no map or GPS?! How did you get here?!

S: MapQuest directions.

M: I keep calling you and you are not picking up your phone, where are you calling me from?

S: Pay phones.

M: Why?

S: I don't have a phone.

M: I am talking to a person in 2007 who does not own a cell phone?!?!????

S: I'm sorry.

M: Ok listen, where are you?

S: No.

M: What street are you on? What car are you driving?

S: No I don't need help.

M: What landmarks are around you?

S: I don't need your help!

M: Can I stand outside and wait for you?!

S: I can find you!

M: Ask for directions from someone!!!!

S: NO! I will be there in 5 minutes!

M: Alright guy, listen to me and listen well. I am setting the timer - which I have on my phone I would like to add - for 5 minutes. If you are not here in 5 minutes I will leave. Don't call me again, understood?!

S: I will. I promise. I'm sorry.

 

So I hung up the phone, waited 5 minutes and he was not there. SO I left. It took me an hour to get home, about a half hour later he called but I did not pick up the phone. But it wasn't over yet ... About a month or so later he sent me an IM through POF and said it was him, can he call me so that he can apologize? I gave him my number and let him call me. He said he spent the entire time circling around the same patch of street, if he had turned his head to the right instead of the left he would have seen the place. He FINALLY stopped and asked for directions from someone and they said "it's right over there". But he went out and bought himself a cell phone, he promised me that. I accepted his apology and figured that was that.

 

But wait, there's more!

 

He kept calling me. I picked up the phone and it was him and he wanted to meet. I kept coming up with excuses. Eventually I stopped picking up the phone when he called (these were the days before being able to block someone on your phone). He would call from up to 15 different phone numbers, never leave a voicemail, until I picked up. I never returned his calls, I never once attempted to reach him. Finally, almost ONE YEAR later I picked up and he said "Hi this is Steve from POF." And I said "Please don't call me again." He said "What did I do?" ANd I hung up. And then I changed my phone number.

[salparadise]

This also reminds me of women on dating apps who upload pictures of the beach, a random cat, etc

 

If you can upload that, you can upload a picture of yourself

 

Ain't that the truth! They'll have 10 pics and maybe one of themselves at a distance or with poor lighting... and the rest are horses, dogs, cats, sunsets, beaches and stuff. What the hell are they thinking? Sometime they don't even have the one bad pic of themselves. So annoying. I don't want to date anyone who is that clueless or who is always working the edges.

[Fair]

In my experience if a woman doesn't post pictures she is married or in an LTR.

 

I met a woman with no picture. We dated for a while. I eventually found out she had a husband and 3 kids.

 

This isn't necessarily true at all. Like I said before, pics can really detract from your looks and many probably think they'd have a better chance in person because they look better in person... It's shocking how some even really good looking people can't take a good pic.

 

And there could be many reasons. For example, I still have a photo up on a dating website but just recently when glancing through the "who viewed me section" I found out one of my old high school teachers who still lives in the same small town as me had been viewing my profile, as well as my brother! Ugh!.

 

I left my pic up but now have my profile "hidden" ... I feel snooped on now and almost tempted to take the pic down for that reason.

 

Others have told me in the past that's the exact same reason they didn't have a pic. The one guy I met who didn't have one stated that as a reason as well, being from a small town like me who didn't want people nosing in on his business.

 

I took him at his word and found out it was all true.. he wasn't married or hiding anything at all. So you can't just make assumptions like that about everybody. There are those on line who genuinely want to find someone but aren't necessarily comfortable with broadcasting it to the world.

[Miss Spider]

i think for me it's not even about what they look like, but rather why they are hiding what they look like. Why can't they take a pic? Are they insecure or ashamed of how they look? Not good. Are they picky about how they look in photography? Also not good. Tells me they put a lot of emphasis on appearance. Are they paranoid about their identity being stolen? Not good.

 

Also there is the case of people "hiding" themselves so they won't get caught online dating by their spouses etc.

[Ieris]

@Cookiesandough ~ I totally agree with you. Although I only met up with one, there have been others who sent me fake photos after talking for some time and when I call them out for it, they send me other stolen photos of someone else so they're not worth talking to or meeting up with.

 

I've also had others who said they don't want to be seen on dating apps / websites by their friends / family / clients, so I agree that there is a good chance that they already have a girlfriend / wife and don't want to be caught.

[BlueIvy]

I would never meet someone without knowing what they look like. I am suspicious that they are hiding something, like they already have someone but trying to creep on the low or they are unattractive, and hoping to get their foot in the door before getting automatically rejected. Why waste time not knowing what I am gonna get? All you have to go by are words and pictures. Yeah, some people post BS pics but at least you can gauge if you like/can deal their general apperance.

[Gr8fuln2020]

"This day and age..." What exactly does that mean? Violent crime peaked in the 80s and has been in steady decline for decades. Sexual assault is DOWN 63% since 1993. It's actually MUCH safer now than it has been in decades. It's just that we have so much more access to information than ever before and the media and politicians know how to fear monger better than ever. And it obviously works...

 

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem

 

I don't see how in any shape or form that meeting someone that doesn't have a pic is more dangerous than meeting someone who does. If anything, not having a pic is pretty much a guarantee that a guy won't get ANY online dates EVER. So if you're a sexual predator, it would seem the obvious thing to do is post fake pics...

 

Brilliant response. Safety was only one of the reasons I mentioned and you chose to obsess over it. But let me explain the obvious....

 

"This day and age...." Is not simplistic reference to the frequency of crimes, it's also about the ease in which people are able to create a facade, publish to the millions and access information so much more readily available online.

 

Interesting, could be wrong, but your link talks about sexual assaults. I don't believe sexual assaults are the only safety both men/women should be concerned about, right? And since 1993? Are there links to how many assaults from OLD have increased? Regardless, safety is always an issue. The stats may show a decline, but that is dangerously irresponsible for anyone to dismiss the benefits of 'smart' dating especially when the dating involves complete strangers.

 

Oh, quickly found this: https://news.vice.com/article/online-dating-rape-reports-rise-450-percent-in-five-years

 

Don't know. Maybe these stats can be rationalized away by some....

Edited November 4, 2017 by simpleNfit

[CryForNoOne]

Brilliant response. Safety was only one of the reasons I mentioned and you chose to obsess over it. But let me explain the obvious....

 

"This day and age...." Is not simplistic reference to the frequency of crimes, it's also about the ease in which people are able to create a facade, publish to the millions and access information so much more readily available online.

 

Interesting, could be wrong, but your link talks about sexual assaults. I don't believe sexual assaults are the only safety both men/women should be concerned about, right? And since 1993? Are there links to how many assaults from OLD have increased? Regardless, safety is always an issue. The stats may show a decline, but that is dangerously irresponsible for anyone to dismiss the benefits of 'smart' dating especially when the dating involves complete strangers.

 

Oh, quickly found this: https://news.vice.com/article/online-dating-rape-reports-rise-450-percent-in-five-years

 

Don't know. Maybe these stats can be rationalized away by some....

 

The irony is that you're falling for the fear mongering by the media by citing that article with a sensationalized headline. Of course online date rapes are up significantly; many more people are using online dating than five years ago. And of course it has increased since 1993. There was virtually no Internet then. Kinda hard to commit rape by OLD if it barely exists... Beyond that, the article is completely irrelevant since you and I are both in the US and that article is about another country...

 

I'm not obsessing - just calling you out on your ridiculous assertion. How in world is meeting someone who doesn't post a pic a safety issue? Name one reason. One. Please explain how my life, my emotional well being, or my identity were somehow at greater risk because I opted to meet this woman who didn't send me a pic...