barbossa Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 So let's say you meet a girl You find her physically attractive, you talk to her and you like her personality and would like to date her. BUT Find out She has a boyfriend already.... ( I've been out with several girls who all of a sudden on second, third , Fourth date all of a sudden reveal they have a boyfriend) they didn't bother mention it when I was asking them out or flirting only when they decided I wasn't "an upgrade" Do you continue talking to her ? Putting yourself in the friends zone hoping for something real IF and WHEN she becomes single? ( Ladies please reverse roles so it applies to you) In the past I allowed myself to be friends zoned Countless girls used their female charms and flirting( knowing I desired them) on me to use me for things tangible and intagible Allowed me to go out with her on "dates" spend money on her but not allowed me to get physical because I was just a friend maybe her boyfriend's friends could possibly see us touching and she could get in trouble Or she wanted validation I learned this the hard way several several times, she was never really interested in me but enjoyed the attention I gave her ( and me being dumb hopes of thinking I could somehow seduce her and bed her) I've also met my fair share of girls online who like to have a guy to text them between certain hours when they are bored and lonely but never actually intend on meeting ( Look up "terminal texter") I've wasted so many hours thinking I was " Just Getting to know them and flirting" make her bf jealous she'd be extra friendly towards me when he was nearby, making sure he saw our Interactions ( having introduced me as a friend or not introduced me at all) so the bf would be jealous and insecure ( This has happened countless times in highschool, college, graduate School, Gym, social gathering, outside activities, ) From all various ethnic backgrounds too... Me: "I should leave your dorm I don't want your bf getting mad if he sees me" Her: " oh no, don't worry about him..let him see you" Me: " I should let you get back to your work out, I don't want your bf to get jealous" Her: "oh him? No he's not my boyfriend" ( Yet they came in and left holding hands) Sometimes there was drama due to jealous insecure partner that didn't want his gf to have male friends or just me.. And drama is never fun ( Though I brought it on myself for trying befriend an attached girl) So now After HARD lessons learned and not wanting my time and effort wasted if I meet a girl I'm attracted to But find out she is attached.... I don't even bother talking to her after that day aside from a smile or saying hello to be polite What do y'all do?
smackie9 Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 (edited) First off why are you not asking them if they are single or not, BEFORE investing your time? You can do it within a few mins of talking to them the first time. If they hide it and tell your later, then you simply ask if you can sleep with them, NSA. you might get laid out of the deal for your troubles. You in college? You make moves to sleep with them first time hanging out...invite them to Netflix/chill, spend no money. Edited November 2, 2017 by smackie9 2
d0nnivain Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 Being "friends" with a member of the opposite sex who is taken when you want to date that person, makes you an orbiter & opportunist. It does not make you a true friend because you are not interested in getting to know them as person nor are you supportive of their romantic relationship. No, I never became "friends" with somebody I wanted to date. I would say hello, speak pleasantly with them if I bumped into them but never went out of my way to talk to them alone or arrange a meet up. This was all before social media. I suppose I may consider adding them to my social media contacts but I would go out of my way not to like too many of their posts, I'd avoid making comments & I would not engage in PMs. If I learned their romance ended, then I'd make my move. 5
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 No, I would not. I don't even become platonic friends with an attached man unless his wife is part of it. A couple of years ago I started PMing on FB with a male high school (and college actually) friend of mine. It was only about running, but I still felt weird since I know FB is a hot bed for affairs. Not that either one of us were flirting, but I didn't want it to even appear that way to his wife, who I had never met. So I messaged her to introduce myself and friended her on Facebook. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 This is how it is done. Add them to FB and wait for the relationship to fail. Most women start posting those breakup memes when things fall apart, so look for those and pounce. lol, I NEVER do that. 4 years after my divorce I ran into friends who didn't even know about it.
Space Ritual Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 So let's say you meet a girl You find her physically attractive, you talk to her and you like her personality and would like to date her. BUT Find out She has a boyfriend already.... ( I've been out with several girls who all of a sudden on second, third , Fourth date all of a sudden reveal they have a boyfriend) they didn't bother mention it when I was asking them out or flirting only when they decided I wasn't "an upgrade" Do you continue talking to her ? Putting yourself in the friends zone hoping for something real IF and WHEN she becomes single? ( Ladies please reverse roles so it applies to you) In the past I allowed myself to be friends zoned Countless girls used their female charms and flirting( knowing I desired them) on me to use me for things tangible and intagible Allowed me to go out with her on "dates" spend money on her but not allowed me to get physical because I was just a friend maybe her boyfriend's friends could possibly see us touching and she could get in trouble Or she wanted validation I learned this the hard way several several times, she was never really interested in me but enjoyed the attention I gave her ( and me being dumb hopes of thinking I could somehow seduce her and bed her) I've also met my fair share of girls online who like to have a guy to text them between certain hours when they are bored and lonely but never actually intend on meeting ( Look up "terminal texter") I've wasted so many hours thinking I was " Just Getting to know them and flirting" make her bf jealous she'd be extra friendly towards me when he was nearby, making sure he saw our Interactions ( having introduced me as a friend or not introduced me at all) so the bf would be jealous and insecure ( This has happened countless times in highschool, college, graduate School, Gym, social gathering, outside activities, ) From all various ethnic backgrounds too... Me: "I should leave your dorm I don't want your bf getting mad if he sees me" Her: " oh no, don't worry about him..let him see you" Me: " I should let you get back to your work out, I don't want your bf to get jealous" Her: "oh him? No he's not my boyfriend" ( Yet they came in and left holding hands) Sometimes there was drama due to jealous insecure partner that didn't want his gf to have male friends or just me.. And drama is never fun ( Though I brought it on myself for trying befriend an attached girl) So now After HARD lessons learned and not wanting my time and effort wasted if I meet a girl I'm attracted to But find out she is attached.... I don't even bother talking to her after that day aside from a smile or saying hello to be polite What do y'all do? I find this post a bit odd, ONLY in that it assumes without debate that friendships cannot occur with the opposite sex unless they are single. That simply is not realistic unless you believe The Easter Bunny and Professional Wresting are real. I have had plenty of female friends without having a sexual component to it. At work, outside of work, and through random encounters. I also have had the luxury of having 53 years on Earth in which to get over myself. This tends to be the biggest stumbling block for us guys...getting over ourselves and coming to the realization that not every girl is going to want to throw her clothes off at first sight and jump our bones. My life has been enriched intellectually by having such friendships. Frankly, I find my female friends, regardless of age, are more prone to engage with me on an intellectual level. and I am better off for it. And I have a deep amount of respect for that...EVEN if they don't want to bang me.. . My advice to you is that if you deny yourself the ability to form friendships with the opposite sex, you will always be your own best audience...because you will always be talking to yourself.
d0nnivain Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 Space Ritual -- you are insightfully talking about genuine friendships. Of course those enrich people's lives. barbossa is talking about hanging around under the pre-text of being just friends in the hopes that he'll be the 1st one in line when his crush's romance ends. He is lamenting finding himself "friend-zoned" in those instances, which he doesn't want. He wants to date these women, not be platonic with them.
Author barbossa Posted November 2, 2017 Author Posted November 2, 2017 (edited) This is how it is done. Add them to FB and wait for the relationship to fail. Most women start posting those breakup memes when things fall apart, so look for those and pounce. Aside for Facebook, which I barely use. I don't have SM And wouldn't create sm just to keep in touch with someone So basically you'd follow them Be their "fan" cuz thats the best you can get Kiss their ass online Their e-zone friend then hope to try to make a move if they become single?? [] Edited November 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language
Author barbossa Posted November 2, 2017 Author Posted November 2, 2017 Space Ritual -- you are insightfully talking about genuine friendships. Of course those enrich people's lives. barbossa is talking about hanging around under the pre-text of being just friends in the hopes that he'll be the 1st one in line when his crush's romance ends. He is lamenting finding himself "friend-zoned" in those instances, which he doesn't want. He wants to date these women, not be platonic with them. Sorry for not being more clear
TheTraveler Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 I'll add them on social media, maybe like something here and there...but, I don't sit around waiting for them or stalk their profiles. But, as mentioned by someone else, pay attention to their social media because you can "pounce" once you find out if they're single
basil67 Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 None of what you describe in your first post is what I would call 'friendship'. Friends don't wait in the wings for someone to break up. And friends don't use each other financially. Nor for validation or jealousy. What you have described are some really screwed up interactions by individuals.
Miss Spider Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 Almost all my female friends are attached. So yes. What you described, though, when a man does it, is called being a beta orbiter.
kendahke Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 (edited) ( I've been out with several girls who all of a sudden on second, third , Fourth date all of a sudden reveal they have a boyfriend) Do you continue talking to her ? Putting yourself in the friends zone hoping for something real IF and WHEN she becomes single? ( Ladies please reverse roles so it applies to you) It wouldn't take me 3 or 4 dates to find this out. This is something I'd directly ask about before we made the first date. I don't do friendzone with anyone unless all I want out of them is their friendship. What's the point, if I'm looking for a partner? Once in a friendzone, that's where you're going to stay. Edited November 2, 2017 by kendahke
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