She chased me for five months, rejected when I reciprocated?

[MattSmith]

Highlights:

-I knew a girl for 1.5 years

-Girl chased me for 4 months

-She came on very strong

-I was finally attracted and told her I liked her and she said she reciprocated

-Told her I was going to ask her out and she obliges then is mad at me 1 hour later

-I give her note because she was hard on herself to flatter her. O told her it was not a love note and to realize that it was an ego booster.

-She loses attraction, hated me, or something and cancels.

-She terminates friendship.

-Still flirts heavily with me.

-I go NC and she blocks me after I leave her social media.

-She checks my social media few times per week...6 months later.

-I never chased except when I wanted to keep the friendship.

-I know I might have waited too long or not quick enough, but is that common for a woman to go head over heels to unattracted in a matter of hours?

-Any suggestions so I do not do this with anyone else?

 

Hi all,

 

So I knew this girl for 1.5 years. I was never really attracted to her until she started chasing me this year. I slowly gained attraction and saw potential. She came on strong and scared me off a bit by saying she thought we would be cute together, have beautiful kids, and that we should work at the same company. She was always available to help out. Needless to say, I pulled back a bit and said let's slow down and learn our middle names first. She did not keep up but tried the jealousy card with a friend. I decided I was done and started talking to other girls and she came back stronger than ever.

 

She is cute, but I was mainly attracted by her conversation skills. As time went on, I started to feel bad for her. She was either fishing for compliments or had low self-esteem. She said she was fat, ugly, stupid, etc. One night, she called crying saying how unattractive she is and I told her beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She tearfully agreed.

 

The next day, I wrote her a letter reciprocating her feelings towards me, line by line. I told her I liked her and she was thrilled. She said she had been waiting for almost a whole year. After class, I tried asking her out, but I got stuck talking to her friend. Literally a few minutes later, she is asking about my future job, salary, and of I had a date toy friend’s upcoming wedding. I went to ask her out again, but her guy friend was next to her. I knew him well and I did not want to gut him.

 

She dropped hint about going out and I gave her a wink and she smiled back. I said we would talk after class.

 

After class, she was angry with me for some reason. She ignored me completely. I gave her my letter that said she needed to think of herself differently, she is beautiful in her own way, and that I would enjoy spending time with her because she is important to me as a friend and more and to never be afraid to talk to me...she was always shy and awkward around me. I also gave her one of my fancy pens that she always admired and I said “Here, something to remember me by since I am graduating.” She seemed happy to receive it. She avoids me afterwards. I tell her we will talk about the date later and she nodded.

 

I get an email days later saying the letter was beautiful, I am a gentleman, and that she was sorry for misleading me and that she did not like me in that way. I said okay and I hoped we could remain friends.

 

She sees me the next day and is heavily flirting with me. I kept my distance. I told her we cannot do that anymore since she said she did not like me in that way. She continues leaning on me, staring, touching me, and trying to show off. I ignored. She said she needed to call someone important at 8:30 at night. I said to have fun. She walks back and my female friend called and I chatted it up in front of her. She was shocked.

 

The next day, she says we cannot be friends. I asked if she was sure, offered her one last chance to go a date, and then cut contact. I left her social media first. She blocked me afterwards. A week later I was unblocked, then blocked again, then unblocked etc. This has been going on for six months.

 

I'm not going to say she was crazy because I was rejected. That is on me. I will not say friend zone because this was maybe a case of acting too slow and being unattractive on my end. Her friends were shocked and said that she always thought of me as a future husband, especially during that morning.

 

I know I might have waited too long or not quick enough, but is that common for a woman to go head over heels to unattracted in a matter of hours?

 

Any suggestions so I do not do this with anyone else?

 

-I know I should've acted sooner, but we were also interns and there was an informal no dating policy so I had to wait and I just did not feel the attraction yet.

 

-I shouldn't have told her my feelings, but hers were stronger before, so I thought it was okay if I did not exceed hers. Laying it on thick with the compliments was bad on my end, but I told her beforehand that she was too hard on herself and she needs to take more pride. I put her on a pedestal because she put me there first.

[Miss Spider]

No it's not common, but I think she liked the chase more than she liked you. I'm sorry.

[MattSmith]

I considered that. Was there anything I could've done to prolong the chase or would she have burned herself out anyway?

[rightondude]

Matt, consider yourself lucky and move on brother.

[MattSmith]

Matt, consider yourself lucky and move on brother.

 

I agree. I just want to know if I messed up on my end.

[Miss Spider]

I don't think theres anything you could have done. I can only infer based on experiences I have been in that played out similarly.

 

When I was younger, I had a huge crush on this guy who seemed disinterested/aloof around me. He was kind of a loner-type. We slowly became close. I never told him how I felt but I did show lots of interest in him. He finally confessed feeligns for me. Up until that point I was really attracted, then I became turned off. I realized I was just immature and only liked him because I couldn't have him.

 

Really harsh ending because I tried to keep him as a friend(horrible, selfish move)and he became obsessed and finally got angry for leading him on and quit talking to me and I felt horrible.

[MattSmith]

I don't think theres anything you could have done. I can only infer based on experiences I have been in that played out similarly.

 

When I was younger, I had a huge crush on this guy who seemed disinterested/aloof around me. He was kind of a loner-type. We slowly became close. I never told him how I felt but I did show lots of interest in him. He finally confessed feeligns for me. Up until that point I was really attracted, then I became turned off. I realized I was just immature and only liked him because I couldn't have him.

 

Really harsh ending because I tried to keep him as a friend(horrible, selfish move)and he became obsessed and finally got angry for leading him on and quit talking to me and I felt horrible.

 

That sounds very similar. I was the loner type too. Lol.

 

By any chance did you memorize the guy's breakfast and family member names?

[HiCrunchy]

Nah she is probably one of those people who likes the chase, but gets bored after they get the prize.

If you go cold she might try and chase again. But these push and pull games are tiring and you don't need that.

 

Next.

[MattSmith]

@Cookiesanddough, I'm serious. Were you that attracted that remembered all of the tiniest details about him? That is what she did.

 

And as for the friends thing, I do not think it is too selfish. I felt like it was unrequited love for me, but I find that contact with the person actually allows my attraction to burn out as opposed to leaving cold turkey.

 

She is a sweet person, but I have never seen her mean before. There are people she hates who she was nicer too. When the chase is over, do people get that repulsed? I'm talking both males and females.

[Miss Spider]

yes, i was genuinely very attracted to him before he confessed feelings. i remembered details