loveconfuses Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 Hello, This is going to be long, sorry, but I'm so confused! My ex boyfriend and I broke up around 2 months ago (both in our 20's) after a year and a half relationship because we argued too much and saw each other too often basically. I had had a very rough year with multiple family deaths and huge health concerns which put enormous strain on our relationship, although the health concerns have now gone. I tried to tell him we could work these things out but he said he didn't want to try anymore. We've never really had a period of no contact because, whilst we don't text, or speak on the phone, we live in the same city and frequent the same pubs/ clubs. This means I see him about twice a week. Whenever I bump into him out, he always comes up to me first, even if he knows I haven't seen him, hugs me and we chat for 15/20 minutes then go our separate ways, then later on in the night he comes back over, hugs me again and we chat again. I never approach him first. Even if we pass each other on opposite sides of the street he will cross the road in order to have a conversation with me. We don't chat about the relationship, and it's not particularly awkward so that part is okay. When I bumped into him in a club the other day, he hugged me for ages, then teased me (in a flirty way I think, but my perception of these things is v poor) about needing a haircut, stood very close to me the whole time, told me I smelt nice multiple times and then patted my bum. When he went back to all his friends he kept pointing at me, although I have no idea why. He also kept looking at me when he was with his friends. Before he left the club, he hung around me, obviously quite reluctant to go (although he was very drunk) even after all his friends have left. However, even though he still has stuff at my house that he wants, he is so dead set on not texting me first that he wont arrange a time to pick them up. I mentioned to him last week I had them, but I was busy all week so he couldn't pick them up, so we said we'd arrange something this week, but because he won't text me first, it still hasn't happened. I'm not sure whether he won't text me first because he's afraid of giving me the wrong impression or something? We haven't met up one-on-one since we broke up. I know he is not with anyone else at the moment, and he knows that I still love him. I have tried to act a little distant. When I saw him yesterday in a queue for a club I said hi to him and his friends and then walked on, whereas he would have stopped to chat for ages. He is still very jokey with me, we are getting on fine, it just seems that he says he doesn't want to be together but when we are out, and he's drunk, he keeps touching me and being flirty so I don't really know what to take from that, PLEASE HELP!!
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 How much longer are you two going to play games? You won't talk to him 1st when you see him out. He won't text you first. Geesh. If you want to reconcile, pick up the phone & call him. Do not text. Ask to meet. Talk about what you want. If you want his stuff out of your house, text him. Give him a deadline or if it's small enough, box it up & take it to him. Problem solved. I'm not sure how seeing each other too much developed into a problem that caused you to break up. I understand that heath issues & deaths in your family put a strain on your relationship, but in good, healthy relationships, you turn toward each other in crisis.
Author loveconfuses Posted November 1, 2017 Author Posted November 1, 2017 You're right, all this game playing is pathetic. I will text him to pick up his stuff before the weekend. A reconciliation isn't going to happen, he's too stubborn so a call would be pointless. Seeing each other too often became an issue because we weren't individuals, we were like one person, there was no room for growth. We practically lived in each others pockets far too early on in our relationship.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 I agree with d0nnivain - have a mature, phone or in-person conversation about whether or not you two want to attempt a reconciliation. No more of this "who's-going-to-text-first?" and "let's-dance-around-the-pink-elephant" malarkey. If he doesn't want to reconcile, box up his stuff and leave it outside or with a mutual friend to deliver. And be done with this. No more chats at the club, don't let him cop a feel. Otherwise, you're just allowing yourself to be put on reserve until he finds your replacement. 2
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