I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) In the past, I've let guys get away w/me doing all the work in the relationship. My bf and I have been dating for about 1/2 a year and I'm starting to think he takes me for granted. I love my bf, he doesn't ogle other women, treats me respectfully and doesn't pressure me physically. For a little while, he has had a crazy busy works schedule working his 2nd job. I understand and I don't ask for anything time consuming/extravagant during the week. I feel bad for wanting him to text me once or twice in the morning, sometimes if I don't do it, I won't hear from him all day or until I text him late in the afternoon. I initiate the morning texts, but enjoy changing it up and letting him initiate (lets just say he doesn't do it well). I've talked to him about feeling neglected and he said he would do better. When we are together, everything is good. Idk what it is, I see other men go out of their way for women despite having a life and here I am begging for just a couple more texts. Btw I don't obsessively text him or ask him for anything else during the week (rides, for him to bring me stuff etc). He said he appreciates me sticking w/him despite his awful schedule, we only get to see each other over the weekend. Then again I would think if he was appreciative, he would at least send me one measly text. Am I demanding too much? I dated a guy who would get mad if I didn't text as obsessively as he did to me and I don't want to be that person. I feel taken for granted and I have a hard time believing that he loves me "all that much" if he can forget to text me all day. He gets hurt if I don't have a chance to text him for a bit, so idk why he does that to me. Edited October 31, 2017 by I'veseenbetterlol
snowbird7 Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 OP, I completely agree with you, and no, you are not being too demanding. It's not too much to ask for a few texts throughout the day. I would also have a problem with him "forgetting" something like that. I mean, how do you forget your SO? Is this a pattern? Or have you only noticed this kind of behavior around texting? Because I don't think I would stay with a guy who appears to be taking me for granted on a regular basis. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 In the past, I've let guys get away w/me doing all the work in the relationship. My bf and I have been dating for about 1/2 a year and I'm starting to think he takes me for granted. I love my bf, he doesn't ogle other women, treats me respectfully and doesn't pressure me physically. For a little while, he has had a crazy busy works schedule working his 2nd job. I understand and I don't ask for anything time consuming/extravagant during the week. I feel bad for wanting him to text me once or twice in the morning, sometimes if I don't do it, I won't hear from him all day or until I text him late in the afternoon. I initiate the morning texts, but enjoy changing it up and letting him initiate (lets just say he doesn't do it well). I've talked to him about feeling neglected and he said he would do better. When we are together, everything is good. Idk what it is, I see other men go out of their way for women despite having a life and here I am begging for just a couple more texts. Btw I don't obsessively text him or ask him for anything else during the week (rides, for him to bring me stuff etc). He said he appreciates me sticking w/him despite his awful schedule, we only get to see each other over the weekend. Then again I would think if he was appreciative, he would at least send me one measly text. Am I demanding too much? I dated a guy who would get mad if I didn't text as obsessively as he did to me and I don't want to be that person. I feel taken for granted and I have a hard time believing that he loves me "all that much" if he can forget to text me all day. He gets hurt if I don't have a chance to text him for a bit, so idk why he I've met a lot of ppl who got on me about my texting style(I hate texting). Its often a compatibility issue, but in your case, I don't think asking for a text or two from your bf is asking too much. If you feel like someone is taking you for granted trust your gut
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 31, 2017 Author Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) OP, I completely agree with you, and no, you are not being too demanding. It's not too much to ask for a few texts throughout the day. I would also have a problem with him "forgetting" something like that. I mean, how do you forget your SO? Is this a pattern? Or have you only noticed this kind of behavior around texting? Because I don't think I would stay with a guy who appears to be taking me for granted on a regular basis. Pretty much since he took on the 2nd job, but I'm not making that an excuse. Even when I'm super busy, I still think of my SO. He works over 16hrs a day, which I sympathize w/but also not gonna just let him walk all over me either. Just makes me feel like a non priority, texting takes a couple seconds and he knows I won't obsessively text all the time. When we are together everything is fine, but he hasn't really surprised me even just once. There are men who are CRAZY (good crazy) about their gf and despite working long hours, will jump through fire to make them feel special. I almost feel like he has gotten too comfortable, where he thinks I'll stay cause I'm a loyal person. Edited October 31, 2017 by I'veseenbetterlol
GemmaUK Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 16 hour days are a killer! I've done those hours at my one job for extended periods time to time. You've instantly massively lost out on any time to get things done for yourself working those hours. You''re supposed to have what, 8 hours of sleep (or try to) or at least rest time per night so all he is doing is working and sleeping, somewhere in there he has to fit time inn to eat, run errands, do housework and anything else. He is in contact with you regularly in the evenings so it's not like you are not a priority plus it sounds like you see him every weekend? That's pretty good going if he is keeping that up and is pretty consistent whilst working a tonne during the week. Sending one text can lead to a string of them and that will happen the earlier in the day it all starts. That is where my problem lies as I'm then working and busy. It slows me right down at work. I think you should cut him some slack or if a morning message initiated by him is so important to you then strike a deal where texting to say hi in a morning happens and then once getting up and ready for work begins that's cut off time and texting stops whether there is a question in it or not - it stops until the busiest person is free again. Doing all those hours he really needs any breaks in his day that he gets Each morning his focus will be and has to be on his day ahead, it doesn't mean he isn't thinking of you. Plus you're 1.5 years in and from the way he is around you it sounds like you should have every confidence in your place in the relationship. You've been on the receiving end of a high texter when you were probably not working two jobs or a 16 hour day - how did that feel?
Cobra_X Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 In the past' date=' I've let guys get away w/me doing all the work in the relationship. My bf and I have been dating for about 1/2 a year and I'm starting to think he takes me for granted. [/quote'] Don't punish your current BF for things that a previous BF did. It really sounds like he is working very hard. Also... what do you mean he doesn't "pressure me physically"? Pretty much since he took on the 2nd job' date=' but I'm not making that an excuse. Even when I'm super busy, I still think of my SO. [b']He works over 16hrs a day,[/b] which I sympathize w/but also not gonna just let him walk all over me either. Just makes me feel like a non priority, texting takes a couple seconds and he knows I won't obsessively text all the time. When we are together everything is fine, but he hasn't really surprised me even just once. There are men who are CRAZY (good crazy) about their gf and despite working long hours, will jump through fire to make them feel special. I almost feel like he has gotten too comfortable, where he thinks I'll stay cause I'm a loyal person. As a guy I feel like you are being very unreasonable given the situation. Why is he working this much? You know there is this book for married couples that talks about "love languages". It might be helpful for the two of you to read it. OP, I completely agree with you, and no, you are not being too demanding. It's not too much to ask for a few texts throughout the day. I would also have a problem with him "forgetting" something like that. I mean, how do you forget your SO? Is this a pattern? Or have you only noticed this kind of behavior around texting? Because I don't think I would stay with a guy who appears to be taking me for granted on a regular basis. .... I feel like you are just getting ready to suggest she have a threesome to solve all her relationship issues. 2
minou23 Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 What does he do for work? Is it something that requires him to use his hands a lot and where he doesn’t get much downtime? I agree with everyone else though. 16 hour days are so rough! And sending one text might lead to many more and he might just not have the mental stamina for that. He has to cram the whole rest of his day in just 8 hours. It doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about you. It just means he literally can’t have a convo most of the time. If you feel like he’s a good guy, then you shouldn’t hassle him about this. It could push him away completely because he can’t handle added stress right now. Unless you don’t think that you can hold out until he doesn’t have to work two jobs. If you can’t be patient then you should leave. But if you can, you should ask him to try to be a little more responsive in his texts or to try to send you a couple more texts here and there. But don’t pressure him about it. I don’t think it’s fair. 16 hours a day sounds like slavery.
Gaeta Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 (edited) Pretty much since he took on the 2nd job' date=' but I'm not making that an excuse. Even when I'm super busy, I still think of my SO. He works over 16hrs a day, which I sympathize w/but also not gonna just let him walk all over me either. Just makes me feel like a non priority, texting takes a couple seconds and he knows I won't obsessively text all the time. When we are together everything is fine, but he hasn't really surprised me even just once. There are men who are CRAZY (good crazy) about their gf and despite working long hours, will jump through fire to make them feel special. I almost feel like he has gotten too comfortable, where he thinks I'll stay cause I'm a loyal person.[/quote'] My bf is gone 16 hours a day as well. He works construction during the day so he cannot call or text and he's taking night courses so again he cannot call or text BUT he makes a point of calling me 5 mins at least 3 times a day and he does it when he drives to work in the morning, in the afternoon when he goes from work to school and he calls me good night at 11 pm when he gets home. Those little 5 mins 3 times a day keep us connected and feeling safe in our relationship. Where there is a will there is a way. When I was looking for a boyfriend and dating around the one thing I didn't want was a weekend boyfriend. It seems that's what your boyfriend has to offer. If you don't contact him at all how long does he let by before contacting you? I understand not being able to text, he can call though. When my bf calls me in the morning we have each other on speaker phones and we chat 5 mins while he's shaving and I am doing my thing. It's not always easy to stop everything to make a phone call so we don't stop, your phones have all the necessary function to let you speak together while doing what you need to do. Edited November 1, 2017 by Gaeta
snowbird7 Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 Pretty much since he took on the 2nd job' date=' but I'm not making that an excuse. Even when I'm super busy, I still think of my SO. He works over 16hrs a day, which I sympathize w/but also not gonna just let him walk all over me either. Just makes me feel like a non priority, texting takes a couple seconds and he knows I won't obsessively text all the time. When we are together everything is fine, but he hasn't really surprised me even just once. There are men who are CRAZY (good crazy) about their gf and despite working long hours, will jump through fire to make them feel special. I almost feel like he has gotten too comfortable, where he thinks I'll stay cause I'm a loyal person.[/quote'] It does sound like he's gotten waaay too comfortable. He's taking you for granted. Fortunately, I have one of those bfs that are good crazy, and I couldn't imagine it being any other way when you're in a relationship. I agree with you that a text only takes a few seconds, and it would really trouble me if my man couldn't even make such a measly effort to remind me he cares. I think you should show your bf this thread.
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