Want to get back together, but dont know if anything has changed. Do I message back?

[essa]

I met with my ex two weeks ago for the first time since we broke up in early September.

 

I was the first to reach out and he said he was waiting for me to reach out (he said he tried to find out how I was doing through other people…I am going through some medical problems right now). I apologized for my part of the breakup, he somewhat did for his part and we spent the day together, grabbing drinks and food, walking around and talking.

 

I messaged a couple of days later saying it was nice to see him and that I hoped we could continue talking, which we did (about a message a day).

 

On Thursday night, he sent me a message saying he was not ignoring the message I had sent that morning but was busy planning his weekend out (he was heading to a cottage with his friends).

 

I did not hear from him all weekend, until yesterday (Sunday night), when he texted…but I saw a picture posted of him from the weekend by his roommate's girlfriend (who I DID NOT get along with). A girl he used to hook up with was on the trip too (she is part of his friend group and they have not had a thing for many years, but she always made me uncomfortable).

 

One of our main issues, if not THE main issue, was always feeling secondary to his friends (he said I was first, but I never felt like I was). I am scared he only wants me when his friends are not there for him, but will not message or anything like that when he is included by them, like this weekend.

 

I still have not responded to his message from yesterday.

 

Am I overreacting? Should I message back?

 

I think I want to get back together, but not right now (obviously, I am still upset over everything)…I also don’t want the fact that we’re messaging and instances like this hinder me from potentially moving on or finding someone else.

[springy]

Has he said anything about getting back together?

[HarmonyDriven]

 

One of our main issues, if not THE main issue, was always feeling secondary to his friends (he said I was first, but I never felt like I was).

 

I am scared he only wants me when his friends are not there for him, but will not message or anything like that when he is included by them, like this weekend.

 

I think I want to get back together, but not right now (obviously, I am still upset over everything)…I also don’t want the fact that we’re messaging and instances like this hinder me from potentially moving on or finding someone else.

 

 

IMO, you two BROKE UP, one of the reasons as you have noted - you always felt secondary to his friends. I don't think this will change.

 

IMO, I think deep down you know it is not going to work, so yeah.....time to move on and find someone else.

 

Ask yourself, if you got back together, will it be better?

 

When you break up, you gotta go no contact......nada.....zilch......until you can feel indifferent about the break up. Good luck.

[essa]

no, just talked about how much he missed me...said it may have been a mistake...but nothing about actually getting back together.

[Gr8fuln2020]

no, just talked about how much he missed me...said it may have been a mistake...but nothing about actually getting back together.

 

How non-committal. I really feel that you should make him play his hand by telling him that if he missed you so much and 'may' have made a mistake AND you clearly want to get back together that he and you should get back together! Make your expectations very clear. I mean, really. Just put it out there and see if he balks. If he does then you know something is up or things will not change.

 

What I don't understand is why would HE say that HE may have made a mistake. Did he, in any way, ever acknowledge that he may have put his friends over you? Or not enough attention given to you?

[HumanMachine]

no, just talked about how much he missed me...said it may have been a mistake...but nothing about actually getting back together.

 

Yeah I don’t think the ball is in your court here..