Irockinav661 Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 (edited) First time poster here. Glad to see a community where people can talk, vent, and help one another. Here's the deal... Not sure if I should call it quits after 10 years. My girlfriend, mother of my children and I have been in a relationship for ten years. She in those ten years will not trust, nor marry me. She comes from single parent home, and was raised in a manner that she doesn't need anyone, and mom always treated her with tough love rarely showing any affection. During our relationship, I have put up with insane jealousness to the point of accusing me of messing with her mom if I take to long picking up kiss. I have dealt with control issues. I do all the cooking and cleaning, and get the wonderful toy didn't do this, you forgot that, when will you do this. I don't need a thank you or anything but no need to complain of something you can easily do yourself as well. Within this, I'm not allowed to have feelings, I am a man, so they shouldn't count is what she thinks. She doesn't believe in apologies and just plain out driving me crazy. I'm such an enabler, get it from my mom, and I allow these things to happen. I'm afraid if I leave, the kids won't be feed properly, house dirty, and obviously they will miss me. As a son growing up without a father, I promised I'll never leave my kids, and go through tell and back for them. So question is, how do any of you guys, muster up the strength to walk away? Edited October 30, 2017 by Irockinav661
JimmyNYC Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 The question is, how miserable are you? What are the chances you can get couples counseling and work to improve the situation? If you are miserable and the situation is hopeless, then you have to breakup. You will pick up the pieces and move on to a happier life. You'll just have to find a way to be a single dad and make that work. Don't go through life miserable. How old are you?
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 Can't you document the living conditions for a while before you leave since it's not a dangerous situation you are in? Then use your gathered evidence to prove yourself the more fit parent? That's what we women do.
Author Irockinav661 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Posted October 30, 2017 The question is, how miserable are you? What are the chances you can get couples counseling and work to improve the situation? If you are miserable and the situation is hopeless, then you have to breakup. You will pick up the pieces and move on to a happier life. You'll just have to find a way to be a single dad and make that work. Don't go through life miserable. How old are you? Appreciate the response. I'm 37, and she is completely against couples counseling. Heck, I can't even mention the idea of let's have a set schedule we put our phones away and converse.. She feels both ideas are for white people (she's latina).
Author Irockinav661 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Posted October 30, 2017 Can't you document the living conditions for a while before you leave since it's not a dangerous situation you are in? Then use your gathered evidence to prove yourself the more fit parent? That's what we women do. Can but that would turn nasty. Even though I do believe I my kids and I would be devastated not tucking them in every night, I do believe they still need their mother. She's a fine mother, I took on the role of providing more care for them, just hate being under appreciated.
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 She's a fine mother Then why did you say if you leave you fear they'll grow up in a dirty home and won't be fed properly?
Author Irockinav661 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Posted October 30, 2017 Then why did you say if you leave you fear they'll grow up in a dirty home and won't be fed properly? That's true, but she does have the support of her mother who cooks. I'm sure she can cook, just haven't seen it in 10 years ha. I love this woman, do everything I can for her, just not sure she feels the same anymore. Seems more like roommates than anything.
amaysngrace Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 I love this woman, do everything I can for her, just not sure she feels the same anymore. Seems more like roommates than anything. I think you should communicate this to her. Then maybe the two of you can find a solution together since that's what a solid marriage is all about.
Almond_Joy Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 I think you can be a good father without staying with this woman. She doesn’t seem to appreciate you, and is commitment phobic. I also was raised by a single mom,be independent don’t trust men mentality. I had to and continue to do a lot of work on myself and my thinking for the relationship I’m in to be fair and enjoyable for my bf. If she’s not willing to do the work on herself I don’t think this will ever change. I don’t have kids so I can’t lend advice on coparenting or custody arrangements when you’re unmarried. But I don’t think you should stay.
rickwman Posted November 2, 2017 Posted November 2, 2017 Sorry your experiencing this. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. Can she be honest with you? Have you spoken with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer you wise and long-term, effective advise? Having a peaceful, loving, respectful home is very important to you, your girlfriend and kids. Don't let jealousy, stife, judgementalness, unforgiveness to enter into this relationship. I'll pray and stand with you that you and her will find postive answers and brighten your future.
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