ly399 Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 I was in a committed relationship for 1.5 years, became best friends with ex during the relationship. We decided to split few months ago. I wanted to be friendly, he wants to stay best friends. Is it selfish that i want to cut him off? He was there when i needed help, i feel bad abandoning the friendship when things are good. We see each other every 2-3 week but talk on the phone daily. He wants to try again one day. At first, i thought maybe. After few months of being on my own i changed my mind. I explained to him many times why i no longer see a future with him, he refuse to listen. I ignored/blocked him, he'd call/text using different numbers. He's known for being stubborn and extremely persistent, won't stop unless he gets what he want. In the end, i went with flow, it's less headache than fighting. The problem happened when I became exclusive with Andy 2 weeks ago. I told ex to keep his distance from now on. Ex mocked me, called me crazy, said no one wants to be my boyfriend. He told me to stop being a bitch when i refuse to see him. He made me sound desperate. I find those comments insulting. i refrained from firing back. I don't want to hurt ex's ego, he was a great boyfriend overall. I already hurt ex couple times. I broke up with him because he's impotent. We tried sex therapy, he refused to collaborate, so i ended it. He said he can't maintain erection with me because he's not ready to settle down yet. Another blow to ex's ego, Andy and he are in similar line of work. Andy works for a prestigious firm that ex couldn't get into and gets paid almost 3x as much. I didn't know that at the time when ex asked. I would never mention it if i knew. Relationship with Andy is mature and healthy. We are not yet official given we met 5 weeks ago, he asked for exclusivity on 5th dates. I think it's a great start. We both want serious relationship (marriage), and we're comfortable with the pace. Sex and chemistry are good,.It's very early on, but I can feel Andy cares about me a lot more than my ex. My ex loves me for selfish reasons, Andy likes me because of me. I really want my ex to back off, how do i do that without being too mean?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 Why you are worried about being mean to a guy who is a jerk to you and disrespects you again and again? This is beyond just a "rocky friendship" - it's in harassment territory now. Stop sharing any details about yourself with him. Stop communicating with him. Being kind or gentle won't work with this guy because he doesn't give a crap about your wishes. If you don't cut him off, he is going to cause major problems for you and your new guy, OP. Take my word for it. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he is stop contacting you. Period. And then keep a record of any unwanted contact after that. If he doesn't stop, be prepared to report him. Yes, really. 2
coolheadal Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 That's why you shouldn't hangout with your Ex as situations like this wouldn't be the norm with you.
caveman621 Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 I agree with prior poster. Your ex is not complying with your wishes and he is most certainly being mean to you. I don't think you need to make great effort to not be mean. That doesn't mean to bring yourself down to his level and be mean, but be firm. Assertive, not aggressive. One last contact to tell him in clear words that you don't want any more contact. If he continues it then, yes, you might have to notify law enforcement. 1
kendahke Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 Tell him to leave you alone. If he won't do that, talk to law enforcement about this because it's harassment.
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