JQC1 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 I saw that I had matched with this girl friday morning on Bumble, so I decided to send the first message (I am also a female). Her profile said something about being a bagel connoisseur so my opening line was, "how does one become a bagel connoisseur?". She replied by saying "hahaha" and then "One has to work at *place*". I then responded by saying that i had never been there before but had heard good things about the bagels and that i was jealous since I wanted to be a connoisseur of some type. No response to this... I'm kind of kicking myself right now for not just asking her out right there to get coffee or something... I don't know if I should just take her silence as a hint and move on or send another message to her asking her out. I don't want to seem too clingy... but I also would really like to get to know her better. If i were to send another message, id probably say something along the lines of "if you wanna get coffee or something sometime this week, let me know." and then give her my number so that if she's interested she can just text me.. maybe I can work something about bagels into it too?? So should I just let this one go or try to message her again?
chinadiary Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 Message her! What do you have to lose? You currently have nothing. If she ignores you, you'll have nothing. 3
dumbass2 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 Message her! What do you have to lose? You currently have nothing. If she ignores you, you'll have nothing. This right here. She responded once. If there was zero interest she wouldn't have. Ask her out. Don't make it long. Don't try and be funny, just ask for a date. Don't put your number out there unless she shows interest in getting together. 1
Author JQC1 Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 This right here. She responded once. If there was zero interest she wouldn't have. Ask her out. Don't make it long. Don't try and be funny, just ask for a date. Don't put your number out there unless she shows interest in getting together. Hmm ok... i was only gonna give her my number for ease of communication but maybe I shouldn't until i can tell that she actually would want to meet up. would a simple "let me know if you want to get drinks or something this week" be ok? I feel like there is such a disconnect from the previous messages to that one.. like it doesn't fit in well and is awkward
staggerlee71 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 Text her.."what happened? I didn't make the cut?"
Author JQC1 Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 Text her.."what happened? I didn't make the cut?" hahah i feel like this could either go well or very wrong.... not sure i'm willing to take the risk. Maybe i could say that in the beginning... and then say "all joking aside, let me know if you wanna get drinks sometime this week". i gotta over analyze everything...
kendahke Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 id probably say something along the lines of "if you wanna get coffee or something sometime this week, let me know." and then give her my number so that if she's interested she can just text me.. That's too open ended and milquetoast. "I'd like to take you for coffee on (date) at (time) to get the finer points of what to look for in a good bagel. My number is ________. Shoot me a text and we'll go from there." That way, you're direct, it's obvious you have interest and she'll either answer or she'll blow you off, at which time you know to not invest any more energy into her. Don't wait for her permission to ask her out. If you have interest, act upon it and quit being scared to ask for what you want. 1
alphamale Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 So should I just let this one go or try to message her again? i'd let this one go
act00 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 I don't see how asking her out is "clingy." Asking someone for a date is in no way clingy. She's on a dating web site for a reason. Just ask her out. 1
Author JQC1 Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 I don't see how asking her out is "clingy." Asking someone for a date is in no way clingy. She's on a dating web site for a reason. Just ask her out. well clingy in the fact that she never wrote back to my last message and that I would be messaging her again. So if she was trying to give me a hint, I wouldnt get it if I messaged her again. Honestly though, I might just ask her out... I have a feeling she won't be interested though. Won't hurt to try
Author JQC1 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Posted October 30, 2017 Remember next time, ask them out. Just messaged her and asked her out for drinks and gave my number. guess we'll see if she texts me... 1
Author JQC1 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Posted October 30, 2017 Oooo let us know if she replies!!!!! Nothing yet... I messaged her late last night though so I’m betting she hasn’t seen it yet. In any case, I’m kind of feeling embarrassed. I feel like if she were to say yes, it’d be a pity date or something of that sort :/ Ugh I hate dating
smackie9 Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 If you think negatively like that, it gives you that "vibe" which turns them off. They feel it on you, in your messages, etc. If you are positive, confident, and don't worry, it makes it so much easier. Just be straight forward.
Author JQC1 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Posted October 30, 2017 If you think negatively like that, it gives you that "vibe" which turns them off. They feel it on you, in your messages, etc. If you are positive, confident, and don't worry, it makes it so much easier. Just be straight forward. That’s true. Yeah I haven’t received a response so I’m just gonna let this one go. Worth a shot!
dumbass2 Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 You fail 100% of the time you don't try. Even if you are successful only 20% of the time getting a date, that's a win in my book. Hell, with only a 25% success rate hitting a ball, you could make millions playing baseball. They fail a great majority of the time, but yet are considered very successful. Gotta get that confidence going! Try and try and try again! 1
Author JQC1 Posted November 1, 2017 Author Posted November 1, 2017 (edited) You fail 100% of the time you don't try. Even if you are successful only 20% of the time getting a date, that's a win in my book. Hell, with only a 25% success rate hitting a ball, you could make millions playing baseball. They fail a great majority of the time, but yet are considered very successful. Gotta get that confidence going! Try and try and try again! I guess I spoke too soon. She actually ended up texting me late Monday night, saying she’d love to take me up on that drink sometime. I texted her back the next morning saying that I’m usually free after 4:30s.... again kicking myself!! I should’ve just suggested a night. She hasn’t replied back. Now this is through texting and not the app anymore, so I know she sees these messages. Anyhow... I feel like sending a text again saying something like “drinks tonight?” would be too much and to just wait for her to text me again this time around. I feel like if she were really interested, she'd make more of an effort to respond... it may be because we haven't really had a chance to even have a back and forth small chit chat but I dont want to make excuses for her behavior. I also think she could be keeping me as a back up if her other plans or dates fall through.... Thoughts?? I’m a little rusty when it comes to dating women... the meeting up part has always been easy for me when it’s with men haha Edited November 1, 2017 by JQC1
kendahke Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 Anyhow... I feel like sending a text again saying something like “drinks tonight?” No. Text her back saying "I'll meet you at (name of bar), (time), and (day). Let me know if that works with your schedule". You have to stop asking her permission to take her out and be more definitive. The way you're posing the questions, it's as if she's the one asking you out. 2
Author JQC1 Posted November 1, 2017 Author Posted November 1, 2017 No. Text her back saying "I'll meet you at (name of bar), (time), and (day). Let me know if that works with your schedule". You have to stop asking her permission to take her out and be more definitive. The way you're posing the questions, it's as if she's the one asking you out. This sounds good in theory, but she’s young (so am i) and I just feel like it’s too pushy. I don’t understand why it should only be a one way street... I told her I wanted to get drinks and gave her my number. Then she said she’d love to get drinks sometime... now I know I probably should have just set up a date at this time and I wasn’t thinking right, but I honestly feel like I’m doing all the work. I also am no expert in dating so my logic could be 100% flawed but when I’m interested in someone, I am somewhat responsive and try to make plans and I feel like it’s safe to assume that’s how it is with most people.
chinadiary Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 She said she'd love to. Suggest a time and place. We're back to 'starting with nothing so nothing to lose'. Go on! 1
Author JQC1 Posted November 1, 2017 Author Posted November 1, 2017 She said she'd love to. Suggest a time and place. We're back to 'starting with nothing so nothing to lose'. Go on! Haha very true, I still have nothing. The thought of rejection is daunting to me I wish I had the confidence to just do it and not care about the outcome... or read people’s minds so I can see if I should even try loll
chinadiary Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 I know. But she doesn't know you. So if she doesn't make a date, it isn't personal. Online dating is pretty rough. But fortunately, lesbians pair up quicker than hetero so you have a better chance. 1
Author JQC1 Posted November 1, 2017 Author Posted November 1, 2017 I know. But she doesn't know you. So if she doesn't make a date, it isn't personal. Online dating is pretty rough. But fortunately, lesbians pair up quicker than hetero so you have a better chance. I think she is dating men as well... at least her profile was set to see both men and women.
chinadiary Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 Hmm. I am not the one to judge, I've had relationships with men and women, but many lesbians are very anti bi girls.
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