ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 I met this guy online and we were chatting for two weeks before we met each other. We live in different states but I was coming to his state because I was visiting relatives there, so I set my location there before I met him. He knew I lived in another state. I'm from a small town where the guys don't want to take girls out. I've dated guys where I live and I've just about thrown in the towel. They just want to chill with a girl, they don't want to take her out. They're still smoking, drinking, or partying or they have the baby mama drama. They have no ambition to travel or live elsewhere. They have no ambition to want more things out of life or a relationship at that. They don't even care to have deep conversations. The ones that are of substance are in these "social" circles. Kind of like cliques in High school, so they don't really date girls far from that circle unless she's crazy hot. It's not much mix and mingling going on at all in my city. I see girls complain of this all the time down my social media of the lack of dating/interest from guys there. Which is why I turned to online dating in cities I visit. But Back to my story, We met up and I noticed he over sold his height because he was more of a 5'6 than a 5'11. I didn't care because I thought he was cute. We went to the zoo first so we could see the animals and talk for about an hour and a half. However, there wasn't much conversation because neither one of us talked much. I couldn't find things to talk about because I was so shy yet, he didn't either. I told him prior to the date that I was a shy individual. He said that's ok, I can handle you looking down and giggling. After that we went to the movies. (I know not a good choice for a first date) I was trying to avoid the movies but neither of us were talking due to nerves so I figured why not get a good movie out of it. We went through awkward phases of him looking at me, me looking at him, and either he looks away or I do. Afterwards we sat in his car and talked a little. He asked me throughout the date if I wanted to go out to eat too but I was too nervous to eat in front of him so I declined by just saying I'm not hungry are you? and he would say no. Which I knew he was because neither of us had eaten. In the car he asked if I liked his hair, Am I attracted to him, would I like to see him again, how are we going to meet up again, and that he plans to fix his teeth (which weren't bad) because I like my men with nice teeth which I listed on my profile prior to messaging. I thought he was a little insecure but I figured it was nerves because we were both nervous. We also talked about other things like the movie. After that, he took me back home and we said our goodbyes. His sealed with kissing me a few times, telling me how much he liked me, and that he would like to see me again. That night, he texted me about how he made it home safe and we texted until we said goodnight to each other with kissy faced emojis. The next day he started the fade away which I didn't catch onto until the second time I texted him first and told him to call me when he can. He didn't. I waited two days and then asked if everything was ok? He replied yea I am just busy with work. So I replied I understand. I'm just a little confused, are you having second thoughts?. He didn't reply. I sent that text, which was the last text, a month ago. I've had guys pull the fade away or ghosting act before and it didn't bother me because the feelings were mutual or we didn't have any substance in our conversations. Usually, I can sense it coming but I've never had someone ghost me like he has. I understand we don't know each other well but I don't understand drilling into my head that you would like to see me again if that's not your intentions at all. I've talked to friends about this, some say he lost interest, some say maybe it was the distance, I don't know. If he wasn't interested that's fine but he was the only guy I've met where I actually wanted to continue being friends because we had so much in common. I would have brought it up if he would have replied or called but he didn't. So, i figured if he wanted to continue being friends he would have mentioned it. I don't know why he didn't like me though. He knew what I looked like before we met up because both of us video chatted and face timed a few times before meeting. He's seen my face and body. (no not in a sexual way and there were no intentions of sex from either of us). There isn't another girl either. I know this for a fact. He's mentioned he doesn't get out much too. Which I believe based on his awkwardness on the date lol. However, during the fade away of him claiming to be busy, he was on the dating site but in reality that doesn't really matter because he's single and he's able to log in and off as he pleases. On this site, the people who are recently active show up on your home page. I didn't want to see his face so I deactivated my profile for three weeks and have recently reactivated because I'm single and what to date someone who's into me. I just feel like I didn't get to show what I'm really like because I was too shy and nervous. I was hoping we would follow up because I would be a little more comfortable and not as shy. I hope he didn't think I'm like that all of the time because I'm not. Right now, I'm working to overcome my shyness. The last thing I want to do is go on another date coming across too shy. A part of me wants to text him maybe 3mos-to a year down the line to see if we can give it another shot. If he crosses my mind by then. I just don't know if that makes me seem desperate or what? I know a lot of people are anti-ghosting, However, Every ghosting guy isn't the same. I have also talked to friends about this too. Some say yes go for it and some say no, if he wanted you, he would pursue you. But can you really say that after just one date and considering it's online dating? I know to move on date someone else but it's easier said than done when people are so picky, including myself. It just sucks when I finally met someone who I was attracted to and I had a lot in common with. By the way: he paid for the whole date, and asked if I wanted anything at the zoo and movies or anything afterwards. He opened the car door for me to get in and out of and any door I walked through. Any Thoughts? Please Be Kind. You Can Be Truthful and Kind at the Same Time. Thanks.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 I'm curious why you think you have so much in common when neither one of you could find anything to talk about. How far apart do you live? When you travel to other cities, are you traveling for work? 1
Miss Spider Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 Since live in another state, maybe he doesn't think it was enough of a connection to warrant working through that distance. Maybe he doesn't find it worth it to travel or maybe he just doesn't see it working out long term with the distance? Sometimes you're on the date and all seems okay but when you come back to consider it you have second thoughts
coolheadal Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 ah so sweet it made me tear.. He taken you to the zoo then to the movies. I don't why you didn't want to eat with him. That shown you really didn't want to be with him in more public setting. You should of been more honest with him. Every date has food involved. But your shy girl. He might have thought you wasn't interested in him enough to have dinner with? Should have text him about that. Now you and him don't see each other. Try to reach out with him one more time before you call it quits. It was such a perfect date until you didn't want to go out for dinner with him. You might have hurt his ego a bit, my dear!
Imajerk17 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 Well OP, I'm not sure what there is to pick apart, this story sounds very common. Boy and Girl meet from online and go on First Date, then one person drifts away. Although he did lie about his height in a big way, there's a huge difference between 5'6" and 5'11" There are more/better fish in the sea, including near where you live. Meet someone else.
Author ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 We messaged, which lead to texting which led to him calling me. We have the some of the same foods, shows, movies and interests in common. One of the things we have in common is that we talk but we can get quiet. We have literally talked about this on the phone in one of our conversations. It was the first meeting and I take more time to warm up to people so I struggled with conversation because I can be anti-social in person and with him, I think he didn't expect to be so quiet either. In person, the nerves kicked in.
Author ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 I told him I liked him and that yes I would like to see him again. I also sent him a good morning text (the text where I told him to call me) like he usually sends me and in this text I also said I missed him. (No, I didn't over do it) He was at work so I was trying to keep it light and sweet and that's when i ended it with call me when you can. He didn't.
Imajerk17 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 We messaged, which lead to texting which led to him calling me. We have the some of the same foods, shows, movies and interests in common. One of the things we have in common is that we talk but we can get quiet. We have literally talked about this on the phone in one of our conversations. It was the first meeting and I take more time to warm up to people so I struggled with conversation because I can be anti-social in person and with him, I think he didn't expect to be so quiet either. In person, the nerves kicked in. You shouldn't be beating yourself up this much OP. He liked you enough in person at the moment to kiss you at the end, so it's not like you were paralyzed w shyness. If you were to read the forum OP, you will read many many stories of people "having so much in common" from text and phone conversations pre-first-date, only for there to be a fade right after meeting up.
Author ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 Well OP, I'm not sure what there is to pick apart, this story sounds very common. Boy and Girl meet from online and go on First Date, then one person drifts away. Although he did lie about his height in a big way, there's a huge difference between 5'6" and 5'11" There are more/better fish in the sea, including near where you live. Meet someone else. Yes, I know. I'm at about 5ft and I come to his chin. So there's no way he's 5'11. The problem is it's not easy. I've come to turns to move on after the third text and no reply. I knew exactly what was happening. I just didn't expect it because there weren't any "I'm completely not interested" cues.
Author ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 You shouldn't be beating yourself up this much OP. He liked you enough in person at the moment to kiss you at the end, so it's not like you were paralyzed w shyness. If you were to read the forum OP, you will read many many stories of people "having so much in common" from text and phone conversations pre-first-date, only for there to be a fade right after meeting up. Yes, but a lot of those stories have included sex or sex too early. Or assuming commitment when there wasn't any commitment from the other partner.
Author ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 ah so sweet it made me tear.. He taken you to the zoo then to the movies. I don't why you didn't want to eat with him. That shown you really didn't want to be with him in more public setting. You should of been more honest with him. Every date has food involved. But your shy girl. He might have thought you wasn't interested in him enough to have dinner with? Should have text him about that. Now you and him don't see each other. Try to reach out with him one more time before you call it quits. It was such a perfect date until you didn't want to go out for dinner with him. You might have hurt his ego a bit, my dear! I didn't mean to bruise his ego. I hope that's not it. I don't know. I've texted him 3 times first only for him to leave the conversation with no reply. He'd reply once and then just stop after I responded. It's been a month. The last thing I'd want to do is send a 4th unanswered text and come across as desperate when I don't know why he ghosted me. I really appreciate the advice though and your comment. Thank you:).
coolheadal Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 I told him I liked him and that yes I would like to see him again. I also sent him a good morning text (the text where I told him to call me) like he usually sends me and in this text I also said I missed him. (No, I didn't over do it) He was at work so I was trying to keep it light and sweet and that's when i ended it with call me when you can. He didn't. He lost interest in you. I wonder why but I guess he had his reasons, or he just wasn't ready date long-term. You need to move on.. Keep on trying until the right guy comes along.
coolheadal Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 I didn't mean to bruise his ego. I hope that's not it. I don't know. I've texted him 3 times first only for him to leave the conversation with no reply. He'd reply once and then just stop after I responded. It's been a month. The last thing I'd want to do is send a 4th unanswered text and come across as desperate when I don't know why he ghosted me. I really appreciate the advice though and your comment. Thank you:). Have you ever called him on the cell to talk to him? Other than this I would give up, he might be hiding something he didn't tell you about himself. There has to be a reason. Not every date starts at the zoo. I've taken a date to the playground, with swings and etc. I've taken them to Boomer Park her like arcade room and go kart racing. Also the movies. No harm going to the movies. But if you had gone to dinner you wand him would have got a better conversation. You too really didn't talk too much. So sad this happen to you?
Author ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 Have you ever called him on the cell to talk to him? Other than this I would give up, he might be hiding something he didn't tell you about himself. There has to be a reason. Not every date starts at the zoo. I've taken a date to the playground, with swings and etc. I've taken them to Boomer Park her like arcade room and go kart racing. Also the movies. No harm going to the movies. But if you had gone to dinner you wand him would have got a better conversation. You too really didn't talk too much. So sad this happen to you? No, after 3 leaving me hanging texts. I think calling him would be overkill. Hopefully he will come around. In the meantime, I will continue to date. The last thing I'd want to do is sit and wait on something that may or may not happen. We went to the zoo first so that we could talk because you can't talk much at the movies. I find dinners sometimes to be too intimate for the first date(maybe my mistake). Which, on the second date I would have definitely gone to dinner with him because I'd be more relaxed.
coolheadal Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 No, after 3 leaving me hanging texts. I think calling him would be overkill. Hopefully he will come around. In the meantime, I will continue to date. The last thing I'd want to do is sit and wait on something that may or may not happen. We went to the zoo first so that we could talk because you can't talk much at the movies. I find dinners sometimes to be too intimate for the first date(maybe my mistake). Which, on the second date I would have definitely gone to dinner with him because I'd be more relaxed. My dear even if he had taken you to a sports bar and you had fried pickled with ranch dip instead of dinner. I've done that too. I always take my dates for dinner. i am hungry LOL Break the ice a bit. Your not use to all of this dating. Where you from dating isn't the same as other states. He expected you to go on the first date. Now you are doing the right thing date other people. No one should wait for someone unless there is hope to do so.
Author ReallyDarlingReally Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 My dear even if he had taken you to a sports bar and you had fried pickled with ranch dip instead of dinner. I've done that too. I always take my dates for dinner. i am hungry LOL Break the ice a bit. Your not use to all of this dating. Where you from dating isn't the same as other states. He expected you to go on the first date. Now you are doing the right thing date other people. No one should wait for someone unless there is hope to do so. True but that would be my fault because I declined eating out of shyness. Don't want to repeat this mistake with the next date. It's a learning process.
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